Jun

22

First Moon Party…

By jen

Ok, sometimes I rant about feminine hygiene product commercials.  This however… Oscar Worthy.  I think it is better than the last three movies I have watched.

I think I am due a “girly products” tirade… will have to ponder that one.    In the meantime… enjoy!

Jun

17

Ahhhh… The Memories

By jen

My Prognosticating back in 2008…

 

I think i went easy on him.  He has fucked up at a level even I couldn’t imagine.  NSA, IRS, Benghazi, Prisoner Swap, Iraq…  Shame on you, Mr. President.

http://templeofjennifer.com/blog/2008/10/29/prognosticating-jen

Jun

3

F&%ck This Noise! Enough Already…

By jen

You know when I blog at all anymore I am generally pissed at something or in love with it.  You also know that when i start a post with ” I am about to make some gross generalizations to get the point across”  that I am definitely pissed not in love with something.  That said…

I am about to make some gross generalization and I know it.  I do not need to be reminded about the details…I am sick of the details. You know what details are?  Shit that we obsess over instead of getting a problem solved.  Yes, yes details are important, but unless someone can see the finish line and herd everyone there nothing fucking matters.

Things that are really chappin my ass right now:


  1. School just will not end.  The kids are done… cut em some slack.  ENOUGH ALREADY!

  2. Water restrictions… If you live in SA you know what I mean.  I am totally over this whole nonsense.  You just want to raise my rates in the summer, just own it.

  3. People who just cannot seem to do their job.

  4. People who think when they get around to doing their jobs, I should be thankful.  That shit is cute.

  5. Grey’s Anatomy is still on the air.  I am far from a prude and far from a crazy right wing ultra conservative, but this shit is probably the most morally bankrupt shit on the air right now because it is on regular tv and women think this shit is good tv.  Ugh.   What’s Christina on now?  Abortion number 100456?  Whatever, just end the damn show already.

  6. Is it just me or does it seem like Obama has been president for like 15 years already?  Gotta love that Hope and Change shit, right?  How’s that working out from everyone?  Me… I am suddenly “rich” and have to pay my penance for that.   I bet some of you got “rich” according to the IRS as well!  Fun stuff, right?

  7. The old rich white guy who owns the Clippers and that racial drama.  Listen to Kareem for the sanity check.   Last I heard someone was buying the team from him for 2 billion dollars.  Damn, that is a tough lesson to learn… what’s his profit margin on that sale?  I am with Kareem on this one and I will add  ”WHO GIVES A SHIT?!”  OMG some old rich white guy do not like brown people hanging around his brown girlfriend… SHOCKING!

  8. Let me take a moment to express how freakin’ tired I am of people apologizing for shit on TV.  Almost as much as those demanding they do it.  What are we?  Third graders?  Grow the hell up, last time I check people were allowed to think you suck.  Nothing says remorse like a forced public apology for some bullshit no one cares about.  I do not know about you guys, but when someone hates who/what i am… i’d rather see it coming than have it cloaked in political correctness.


The Facts Today according to Jen:

  1. People are lazy and without shame about it

  2. Kids are in school way too much and have absurd policies that have nothing to do with education and everything to do with getting daily tax dollars

  3. My tax dollars are being fucked away by a bunch of assholes in DC who should have lost their jobs long ago.  Worst part?  It will not change and I will just keep paying until there is nothing left to pay

  4. Everytime I see Hillary on TV I think surely this country is not that stupid… then i see Obama and KNOW this country is that stupid… hell it is beyond stupid.   Why don’t we just have Kim and Kanye move into the White House and let them run the country?  I mean can they really do any worse?

  5. I am so tired of everyone thinking they are freakin’ special.  Ugh…   So you are gay… so you are black… so I am Mexican… GO US!  There, feel better?  Now get the fuck over yourself and get back to living life, doing your job, and off my damn TV with your whining!

  6. I use to be a news junkie… now?  I literally cannot watch anything without wanting to break dishes.


Yeah, end rant… :)

So… onto more normal stuff.  I updated the about page, fun stuff to read from a few years ago.  Some things change, others stay the same.  I have had a rough year so far, but honestly, it is finally starting to settle and I am ok with me again.   I am about to complete divorce number 3… yeah I am thinking this marriage thing is not for me.  The upside is everything is good.  The girls are healthy and happy, I have a good job, and my family is as amazing as ever.  I am blessed.

I am going to be a grandmother… holy shit!  I would love to say I had raven at 15 and i am going to be the youngest grandmother EVER.  :)  I was 20…  young, but not a baby.  I am thrilled for her and again, we are blessed.  It was a year and a half ago we got her married off and now she is going to be a mom… greatest job ever.  I hope she has a houseful!  OH!  It’s a boy!  What the fuck am I going to do with a boy?  we do not have boys!  I am excited to turn him into a little badass.  No whining unless your bleeding!  Also, there is the upside of getting to love on a newborn again.  I love babies.   I am totally gonna sugar him up… give him coke and noisy toys and send him home to mama!

Since the life change I have spent some time reconnecting with people in my life that I had not spoken to in ages.  It has been a good thing.  It is always amazing how you can go forever without talking and then pick up right where you left off.   I have a bad habit of getting lost in my life and closing ranks to the bare minimum when life gets hard, it is never a good idea and I am only thankful the friends always forgive me for “going into my hole” for a while.

I do not know if I have it in me to blog anymore beyond these little drivebys of mine, but I miss this venue and I miss the banter.

 

 

 

Jun

3

Updated About DemureJen

By jen

http://templeofjennifer.com/blog/about-demurejen

 

Aug

7

Why I love Audible…

By jen

Two years ago I discovered Audible for iPhone… LOVE!

One of the first books I downloaded was the Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde.  It is the first book in the Thursday Next series.  It is one of the rare books that is actually even more amazing in audio format.  The narrator is amazing and perfect.  The book makes the literature geek girl in me giggle maniacally.  Alternate history written by a man with an obvious love for the literature he is often poking fun at and a great series of villains.  What more could you ask for?   I will tell you… a scene in Well of Lost Plots (book 3) so full of awesome it makes me smile like an idiot and while listening to the narrator I nearly wrecked the car.   I wish I could find it in a mp3 or something, just this passage…

Enjoy!


 

“Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you working on this?’

Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts. “Indeed. The uses of had had and that that have to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the imagino-transference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.”

“Go on.”

“It’s mostly an unlicensed-usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim’s Progress may also be a problem due to its had had/that that ratio.”

‘So what’s the problem in Progress?’

‘That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked, but not if the number exceeds that that that usage.’

“Hmm,” said the Bellman, “I thought had had had had TGC’s approval for use in Dickens? What’s the problem?”

“Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,” said Lady Cavendish. “You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.”

“So the problem with that other that that was that…?”

“That that other-other that that had had approval.”

“Okay” said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, “let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim’s Progress, had had had, had had had hadHad had had had TGC’s approval?’

There was a very long pause. “Right,” said the Bellman with a sigh, “that’s it for the moment. I’ll be giving out assignments in ten minutes. Session’s over – and let’s be careful out there.”

Jasper FfordeThe Well of Lost Plots

 


 

Apr

11

Work and Taxes…Yeah, It Blows

By jen

I have decided to take a break this evening from my TV addiction and post a quick thought or two.  Baby steps.

First, let’s talk about work.   I fall into that category of humanity who really doesn’t love what they do, but happens to be very good at it.  Lucky me!  I say to myself 100 times a day, “You are blessed, Jennifer.  Your kids are healthy, happy, and safe.  You have a good job that pays well.  You have a beautiful home and a great family life.”  It is my mantra as I am dealing with bureaucracy at a level that I didn’t think was possible.  What do I do for a living that puts me in the thick of red tape hell?  Wait for it… IT.   Yeah, not exactly what you would think would be fraught with copious amounts of bureaucracy.

This is how it should go:  ”So, Jennifer… we need you and your amazingly efficient team to consolidate 3 instances of the same systems into a single upgraded and modernized system.  You guys are The Shit so here is what you need, now go make it happen.”

This is how it would go in most places:  ”Uhm, Jennifer.  We need your team to consolidate some systems so we can work better.  You have like 1/2 of what you need, two people instead of the five, and yeah uhmm that 3 months you need… you get 6 weeks and that includes testing and migration.  You can do that right? Great!  Go do it.”

This is how it works in my world:  ”Jennifer!  We love you and your team so much and we just know you are going to make this happen for us.  Here is a huge data center of your dreams, here is all the upgraded software and super spiffy amazing Business Intelligence stuff you have been pushing us to invest in for three years. Here are two more people to enhance your team.  As a matter of fact, what you are doing for us is so freakin’ life changing we are going to make sure everyone in this entire directorate knows that your effort is our NUMBER ONE priority and they need to get to hoppin’ and skippin’ when you ask for something. We know you can do it!  Yea verily, go with our blessing and full support on this adventure!   Cheering and rose petals  OH!  Wait!  Yeah… we need you to get this through full C&A with our super special flavor of a very simple process that has been so over complicated that it will make you want to hammer spikes into your head in just a matter of days!”

sigh  and Meh…  Let’s just say that I have discovered levels of stupid the likes of which even God has never seen!  (Yeah that was totally a play on a Dune quote… I could use a few Mentats)

I am blessed.  My kids are happy, healthy, and safe…

Taxes.  Ugh.  I have to pay and it pisses me off.  What exactly are my tax dollars paying for these days?  Well, not what it should be paying for.  Just off the top of my head I am contributing to the bill for:


  • Obama’s next vacay

  • Homeland Securities bullet buy/passive gun control (Just in case we cannot sweep in and take your guns with legislation… now we have all the bullets!)

  • The warm fuzzy feeling of safety I get when I hear the phrase, “Secretary of State John Kerry”

  • The fun of paying to prop up foreign governments while closing down my own

  • Obamacare aka there goes all your great doctors to foreign lands to work medical tourism gigs while you get the leftovers unless you can afford to go to Costa Rica for that heart transplant!

  • The unmitigated joy of funding the demise of a once great nation!


I fucking hate April…

Mar

2

It’s been a while..

By jen

Hello to anyone who still has me in an RSS feed!  Yeah, I live.  Life is chaos as usual.  Work is demanding.  Daughter No. 1 is married as of 2 Feb 2013, and the other three girls are full of piss and vinegar!   I am good, as good as anyone can be in the current political bullshit we live in.

I would go back to my Obama predictions list from when the asshat was elected the first time, but that is like shooting fish in a barrel.  Sad, so very very sad.  Not that he lived up to every nightmare I had for him, but because this country is full of people so monumentally stupid they would re-elect him.  Yeah, humanity is pathetic.

I will tell you that I do take a perverse joy in the following scenarios:

1.  Pumping gas we are playing 250% too much money per gallon to use:  I stand cursing Prince Fuknut without regard to who is listening.  I look around at all the other people filling up and cringing.  I see at least four of five Obama Stickers and start asking, “How is this working out for you, honey?  I would like to personally thank you for extending this joy for me.  I fucking LOVE spending almost $4 per gallon for gas.”   I have yet to hear a response beyond, “It’s the republicans!”    Granted, the GOP is as fucked up as the rest of them, but seriously?  I always ask, “It’s the republican’s what?”  This i always greeted with silence.

Still a good question that deserves an answer!   Exactly what are the Republicans doing to your precious Obama?  Nothing!  They are impotent morons who wouldn’t know what a set of balls felt like if they were slapping them on the forehead!”

2.  Watching the panic and anger in the Government Workforce at the sequester:  Oh make no mistake, I get the anger.  These guys are no different than anyone else for the most part, bills to pay, responsibilities, etc… I would be pissed too.  That said, there are 10 Obama stickers for ever Romney sticker in the parking lot.  So I always want to ask why they are angry?  This is their agent of change and goodness.  He loves them.  He cares for them.  He is going to change the world!  I say nothing, again, it is too easy and they see this is not Obama’s doing.  Wild… I mean he is one lucky guy.  When something good happens, it is rare, but sure it happens on occasion… it is all about how Obama made it happen.  How powerful and strong he is.  When something fucks up?  IT IS THE REPUBLICANS!!!!  He has it made.  Hell, I wish I could do whatever I want without regard to consequence.  He is living the fantasy life of every 12 year old on the planet.  Free for all!

Ok, I need to control my excessive punctuation, I am annoying myself.

So, on to other things…

My faith in humanity is pretty much at an all time low.  Not just because of Obama and all those fuck ups who keep getting reelected on both sides, but just everyday people.  Yeah I know it is a circular thing; what came first?  The stupid person or the stupid politicians?  I try to stay away from that question because it will make me stupid to ponder it and frankly it is like asking why the sky is blue?  Why are the Kardashian’s celebrities making million by just being retarded on tv?  Why is there a Honey Boo Boo on tv and who thought it was Ok?  Idiocracy… it is coming to pass.

Hmmm Oh oh!  The Great Gun Grab of 2013… yeah good luck with that.  I am sure the ammo makers and gun manufacturers are thrilled to have the bump in sales.  Way to go, asshats!  Exactly how far up your ass does a head have to be for this to sound like a good idea?  It is like a gag reflex on the part of the left… they cannot help it.  They see a horrible tragedy happen involving a gun and they simply have to drag out the gun control.  I use to think these guys didn’t see how stupid the idea was, how they could think that laws would stop this, but it is not their goal, duh.

It is not about stopping crime, it is about controlling citizens.  They disarm the law abiding and then make them dependent on government for protection (which they cannot provide) against the thugs and criminals (which they fund either directly or indirectly).  Dependency… it is all about control.  It has zero to do with those babies that died… that is the saddest part.  It is never about avenging the dead it is about using the tragedy to gain control.

Disgusting… just disgusting.

Laziness and willful ignorance is a blight on this country.  If I had a dollar for every time in the last month I have heard the phrase “That is not my job” at work, my entire family would be enjoying the waves and sun in Bora Bora.   I have never seen so many people so unwilling to work.  Hell, they spend more time and effort avoiding work than it would take to just DO the work.  Alas, it is not just limited to workplaces… it is everywhere.  There is no escaping the stupid.  Feeling like the smartest person in the room gets old.  Knowing you are the only person in the room who wants to work, well that is just fucking sad.

America is being held hostage by stupid.  So much stupid.  People either walking around thinking the world owes them something or people walking around like everything will be fine because “it always turns out ok”.  Yeah, let me know how that goes…

It is so hard to raise kids right now.  Not the cost, though that is absurd, but the constant battle against the world influencing them.  The pushing back on a school system that wants to turn them into dependent pussies.  Against the TV which we all love and I will not hide from them but find myself way too often going, “Why are you watching this shit?  You know that is fucked up, right?”  Explaining the first thought a successful married woman has upon learning she is pregnant is NOT supposed to be “should I keep it?” it should be “OMG Babies are amazing!”  I worry about boys being pussified in America but the danger to girls is just as bad.  It is like society wants to breed little narcissist princesses who just want to be worshiped by the stupid emasculated men around them.  Who will be in charge?  The fucking cat?

Ugh… ok… I feel better

Anyone know what it would take to found my own country?

May

21

Sign #3341235 That I am a Masochist: American Airlines Edition

By jen

This morning blows already.  It is hot as fuck outside, might as well be in a sauna.  I spent half an hour standing outside for the skycap to take my bag for him to say “We cannot accept them anymore if you have already checked in online.”  WHAT?!!  Could you freakin’ put a sign out that says that.  Needless to say I announced to the crowd “If you, like me, are not psychic… If you have already checked in online you cannot check your bags here!”  Half the line left with me.

Spend another hour in the “Bag check-in” line which is amazing really.  I am convinced the requirement to work in the bag check in line is “Moves very fucking slow”

Guy standing behind me smelled like sardines and I was getting nauseated.  Honestly, I needed a cocktail at 845am.  I might be totally ok with morning boozing, but even I do not usually crave a tequila shot before 10am.

Got to security after dropping off my obnoxious hot pink and purple trimmed suitcase, yeah… laugh it up guys.  I can find that bad boy as soon as it hits the conveyor belt at baggage claim.  You all can stand there with your smug trendy selves waiting for your super fab black samsonite bag.  I am OUT!

So, apparently you cannot take your coke with you through security.  I think this is a racket for the airport in cahoots with the gift shop just inside the check points.  I dumped a new coke and then had to go buy another one!

I got scanned and I am not sure how I feel about that.  Wanted to ask the guy if he liked my new bra, but felt he might not have my sense of humor.  Apparently I was good to go and headed straight for the giftshop for another coke.  They don’t sell tequila.

Sitting here now at the gate waiting for my flight that is… wait for it… delayed!  How can it be delayed already?!  oy.  So I try to get on the wifi here, yeah that blows.  It is a tease actually.  Says you are on but you really are not!.  Thanks be to GOD for my verizon air card!  They just think they can keep me off the internets!

So, i am sitting here watching this older man with a beautiful baby boy who I am sure belongs to his 16 year old or so daughter who is sitting by her fresh out of boot camp hubby.  So young.  I am looking around at people sleeping and snoring.  Kids running amok, and have come to a couple of conclusions.

1.  American Airlines blows… obviously

2.  Women really need to sit with their legs closed.  Just cuz you are in shorts doesn’t mean you need to spread ‘em like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton.  OMG  way too much thigh spread and just ew…

3.  The American Airlines people are always so well dressed and yet to amazingly unapologetic about fucking up your day with delays.  at least they could give e a freakin’ drink ticket!!!

4.  I am watching people bustle for position in line to board the early flight.  I am not sure why they are doing this.  You have an assigned seat folks!!!

5.  OMG sardines guy is on my flight.  If he is sitting by me I might end up barfing.

I need food…  actually I need a cigarette but of course there is no lounge here in the air port.  They had a nice one in Tampa.  Ok, I am going find something to munch on.  More from Dallas where i am sure i will be delayed until Thursday!

May

18

Boobs and Rambling

By jen

The boobs are good, nothing that isn’t suppose to be there, just the little titanium clip they left in last year when I had all the biopsy drama.  Go me!  Hooray for boobs!

Speaking of boobs, is it just me or does Obama make everyone throw up a little in their mouth when he talks?  Speaking of Prince Fabulous… I am going to Chicago next week, never been there, I cannot wait to soak in the city that gave us the super duper agent of change. I think I should schedule lunch with Rahm.  Thoughts?

I have recently discovered Shellac nail stuff.  It takes half the time of tips and fills and they are spiffy!  I have red nails and i am constantly distracted by them… sparkles!  Actually i am distracted because i have been doing the french manicure for so long anything else makes me feel all silly.  I mitigate this with my dark blue sparkle toes.

Speaking of toes and Chicago.. the folks at the hotel where my conference is say they are sold but i can go down to another hotel “just down the road” walking distance.  Uh huh… I googled it, it is like a mile.  I said walking distance?!  I am from Texas, honey… we drive to the neighbor’s house.  Walk shmalk… a mile in stilettos?  Really?

I have discovered Audible and am now incapable of driving without listening to a book.  Hell I don’t even really mind the drive home anymore.  I listened to Game of Thrones first off, it was great didn’t think i could find much better for narration etc.  That said, i am halfway through Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson and it is even better. I have been wanting to read this trilogy but haven’t been able to get in the mood.  Highly recommend it. I know now why he was selected to finish the Wheel of Time series, great world building in this book.  Next up I might get some sort of vampire porn or something, only concern is that I will wreck the car laughing the first time I hear a narrator talking about a throbbing shaft or moist cavern or some such shit.

I wonder if i will get scanned at the air port?  I should choose a bra with little metal blings or something that makes smiley faces and matching panties.  Since this is for work I am flying whatever carrier they stick me with and of course they stuck me with American Airlines which means I am flying through Dallas which means I will probably be blogging belligerence about delays and other shit.  Meh.

Is it just me or has House become really depressing?

I think Sarah and I have a new record number of games going at once on the iPhone.  I think we are playing three Words with Friends and two Scrabbles.  I think there was a Wordsworth game going on as well.  Love my phone…

More soon!

May

9

Boobs and Wifi

By jen

Gone are the days of waiting bored and watching paint dry in waiting rooms at doctor’s offices.  The only thing you have to do now is stake your claim early to the plug!!  I am sitting at MD Anderson Cancer Prevention Center today for my annual mammogram and exam.  Yeah, I drive 200 miles to get it done.  The idiots in SA didnt’ seem to install confidence and were ready to biopsy me without good films.  Not to mention they couldn’t find my right breast when i went to pick up my images to head to Houston.  How can you lose a boob? Especially one of mine!

Anyway, I am sitting here in a lovely waiting room in a corner with a comfy chair and good a/c trying desperately not to think about the fact they are going to be squashing my boob like a ball of masa in a tortilla press in about an hour or so.  My boobs are legend in some zip codes so I am not just exaggerating here.  It is totally possible to smash a boob no matter how big to basically a 1/4 in thick pancake between two plastic plates.  AGONY!  They hurt already and I haven’t been touched.

Hopefully this year we do not have any crazy micro calcifications that cause me to have to stay over for another biopsy and a full week of “losing my shit” until i get results.  Last year I was ready to just have them removed I was so stressed out.  I had convinced myself that having them removed was at that point less stressful than waiting for lab results.  It was a joy for all that week, I think Sarah is still suffering from PTSD due to my insanity.

This is a nice place though and a world renown clinic so if you have to get smashed somewhere it might as well be here.  The only thing that would make it better is if they had a wine bar I could just get sloshed at while I waited.