Femme Products Vol I

Well…I have no real excuse for not updating this journal for such a long while…basically i just suck. I have moved back to San Antonio in the time since my last update and i have been caught up in the nightmare that is the holiday season.

I then tried to update the journal the other day and realized i had forgotten how to access this interface, yes I suck AND I am often rendered unable to remember even the simplest things. After a few emails to my dear dear dear savior ODAT, I am once again subjecting the world to my enlightened point of view.

What brings me back, you might ask…well simply put, TAMPONS.

Yes, for those of you who have viewed this site I have ranted in a few locations about the pure and unadulturated stupidity of the feminine products market.

On television the other night, while i was watching Fear Factor, yes i love the idea there are people stupid enough in this world to eat a horses rectum or penis for as little as a CHANCE at 50k. All of these people should be sterilized immediately after appearing on the show just to help preserve the integrity of the species.

Anyway, on television a fabulously slick commercial with a spiffy hip looking chick or two comes on. Nice colors and glizty fashion then BOOM! Tampax Pearl!.

According to the official Tampax website, “Tampax Pearl has a smooth plastic applicator (As opposed to that pesky sandpaper finish on other plastic applicators?) with five-petal closure for more comfortable insertion,( For those of you without a phd in Crammer Science, that means it has this silly as little dome on the tip instead of just the exposed cotton. It sort of looks like the cone on one of those nuclear bomba in some old James Bond movie. One that is pushed aside elaborately when the missle is about to launch.,)and a contoured grip to make the applicator easier to hold.  I personally am waiting for the day with there is a freakin’ trigger to jettison the cotton missle up the old tunnel.)and position. The Pearl tampon expands width-wise to fit your unique form, ( I am not even gonna comment on that bit of brilliance) and there’s an absorbent braid between the tampon and the string for better leakage protection*. The wrapper is discreet and durable, ( is it packaged like a bag of m&ms or what? A tampon always looks like a tampon)with easy-to-open-tabs. ( No more pesky knocking on the neighbors stall in the restroom and saying, can you open this for me?)

I am so freaking tired of this nonsense. I swear to god I get hives when I enter the Vagina Aisle at the grocer. It is way too much to choose from. All I want are simple crammers…I do not need to be wooed with pretty flowers or colors just gimme the damn goods. I reiterate that this is all a plot by men to make it so difficult to find a particular product that they will insure never having to “pick up tampons or kotex” for their women ever again.