I am a worthless bitch when it comes to writing in this log on a regular basis.

Well..it has happened yet again. A shitty movie. HOWEVER..this one is worse than Asoka ,the Indian movie from hell. This one came highly recommended by someone i respect and like quite a lot. However…she is obviously suffering from some form of German brain fever if she liked this movie.

The movie in question is…”The Princess and the Warrior.” However, for my purposes here I will call it “Steaming Pile of Shit.” First, this is done by the same filmaker who did, Run Lola Run..which i did enjoy. This has the same actress in the lead, Franka something, she is a good actress. And the guy, dunno his name but he was very hot..he was good as well. Oddly, it was not the acting that made this movie aweful, it was the story or lack of a focused theme, plot, and freaking POINT!

Simone “Sissi” the heroine, or whatever she is, is a nurse working in the looney bin. It is a typical cinematic looney bin, naked fat lady with too much body hair, homicidal maniac who hears voices, a smarmy bipolar freak with his fly always down with an obsessive lust for her and various other garden variety wackjobs. There is also the other nurses and staff as well as the stereotypically inept “psychotherapist” who talks in monotones and seems unmoved by the antics of his patients.

There is the get aquainted with the main character montage of sorts. Sissi with one patient holding ice to her neck so he can feel the goosebumps on her arm..he is blind and a bit slow in the head i think. Nonetheless she does this and he feels her prickly arm..then she puts it on his neck…scene is shot in a sort of weird sequence of super closeups of her neck, hands, and arms with that weird “psychosexual” undertone that most foreign films try to evoke….some not too well.

More getting to know Sissi entails her weird coveting of a letter from some woman i am not sure the significance of and a scene where she masturbates the wacko with the fly down all the time. It was disturbing to say the least on a few levels and then of course it had to be observed by two other patients hiding in the shadows or feigning sleep.

Bodo, the hot guy…gets introduced when he starts work at a mortuary as one of the guys who lowers the body into the grave. This is the first of many extra stupid scenes where Bodo has tears covering his face. Tears which you never see falling but just manage to cover his face from one shot to the next. And I could be wrong..but most people do not have four rows of tears flowing down their face when they sob. he looked like he was leaking not crying. Anyway…he loses his job and leaves for home. This is where you meet the brother, walter who works in a bank or something you surmise cuz he has schematic drawing of his workplace and talks about “not needing money” soon. They are gonna rob the bank…big suprise!

Okay..they have to meet, right? Sissi takes the blind guy with the ice cubes to the city…and is shopping or something who knows. she is waiting for signal to cross the street and at the same time Bodo is fleeing from what I guess is the staff at the market he was trying to steal good from. They run though streets..around cars…blah blah blah…he hops on the back of a big heavy truck, like a 18 wheel jobber. The driver gets distracted and shortly after Bodo hops off…the 18 wheeler basically runs over Sissi. To cut to the chase of this Steaming Pile of Shit, Bodo hops under the truck, not knowing he caused the accident, and he saves her life. She is unable to breathe…he does an impromptu trachiotomy and shoves a straw in her windpipe…sucks and spits the blood from the straw for like the next 10 minutes of this marvel of german cinema. Finally she gets to the hospital and has to let go his hand and he fades away in the distance.

The next eternity is spent with her trying to find him and convince him that she is his destiny. He has issues about his dead girlfriend and well the whole bankrobbing gig. She ends up getting in the middle of it all and then the movie really gets bad…yes…it gets worse. Because to this point there has been at least some continuity or flow. Themes, while contrived and cliche , were at least coherant.

Now we have Bodo, Sissi and Walter, the brother. The robbery goes bad…etc…walter is wounded badly. Bodo flips and Sissi brings him back to the looney bin with her. They fall asleep in her apartment after some bullshit lame ass dialog that has no freaking point.

The next morning Sissi is sitting in the moring looney session like nothing has happened when bodo comes out and hears the news of the robbery on the television and the fact walter is dead and he flips out breaks the tv and all the basic predictable shit.

Sissi acts as though she doesnt know who he is…cuz in her infinate intelligence she figures she can keep him there as a john dough and he will never be caught. This works for a while..till the horny guy with the fly down realizes she is going to leave with Bodo and calls the cops. There is lots of bullshit interaction and something about a toaster in a bathtub when the guy tries to kill bodo. I am not sure if this is suppose to be Sissi’s father or not. She mentions at some point that her mom died in an accident with a toaster in the bathtub and that her father was one of the nutcases in the ward. So maybe the guy she was masturbating was her father which is really too wacked out for me to ponder so i will just block that out.

I had a glimmer of hope when they joined hands and took a flying leap off the roof..but alas they landed in water thus leading to the overly predictable ending with enough tripe and wannabe sentimentality where bodo faces his demons about the dead gf and sissi finally gets her man. If this movie would have had a decent sex scene or a better shot of Boda’s butt than through a fogged up shower glass…then i might not hate it quite as much. But then again, i probably would have.

Please…do not rent this movie unless you are a masochist.

j