The most insane section of the consumer market is the feminine product market. Case in point: On television a fabulously slick commercial with a spiffy hip looking chick or two comes on. Nice colors and glizty fashion then BOOM! Tampax Pearl!.

According to the official Tampax website, “Tampax Pearl has a smooth plastic applicator (As opposed to that pesky sandpaper finish on other plastic applicators?) with five-petal closure for more comfortable insertion*. For those of you without a phd in Crammer Science, that means it has this silly ass little dome on the tip instead of just the exposed cotton. It sort of looks like the cone on one of those nuclear bombs in some old James Bond movie. One that is pushed aside elaborately when the missle is about to launch.

Also, a contoured grip to make the applicator easier to hold. I personally am waiting for the day with there is a freakin’ trigger to jettison the cotton missle up the old tunnel.

The Pearl tampon expands width-wise to fit your unique form, ( I am not even gonna comment on that bit of brilliance) and there’s an absorbent braid between the tampon and the string for better leakage protection*.

The wrapper is discreet and durable, (is it packaged like a bag of m&ms or what? A tampon always looks like a tampon) with easy-to-open-tabs. ( No more pesky knocking on the neighbors stall in the restroom and saying, can you open this for me?)