Must.  Stop.  Clicking.

Amen to this! 

Problem Solving Flow chart 

For the Star Wars Geeks 

More Star Wars Geekage 

Heh

Make your own Hamster Fighting Machine! 

Crayola Emos:  I really like this one.  You Gotta Click on the Permalink to get to these links… I am hating WP right now.

Yesterday I ranted on a bit about this gal and her fucked up ways.

She mentioned how most people pick their mate because they like the same things and the fireworks are not a real big factor.  I feel this illustration pretty much sums up the problem I have with that logic.

Entered my D.O.B at this nifty little site.

	You were born on a Thursday.
	Your star sign is Capricorn.
	The season was Winter.
	You are 39 years, 0 months, 24 days old.
	It is 342 days until your next Birthday.
	You are 14,268 days old.
	You are approximately 342,455 hours old.
	You are approximately 1,232,841,110 seconds old.*
	More information on 2nd January.

Ok, I really didn’t need to know I have been alive over a billion seconds. Still it was a fun five seconds of entertainment.

I cannot figure out this whole “read the rest of the article thing…”   I haven’t used wordpress in a million years and Textpattern made it easy. 

That said I apologize for the REALLY long article that follows this one.  I am open to suggestions from Wp users.  Perhaps it is something easy and i do not have to do something in the code.  Meh.  I am tired of code.  I deal with code at work.

Jen

As promised, a few words on this article. 

Women like this are such a freakin’ delight. 

Carrie Jones hasn’t had sex with her husband Hal, a City banker, for the past four years. Nor does she want to. Sex is something she can no longer summon the effort to endure – with the man she married, at least.

I do not even know what to say to that.  I know there are many women who simply do not like sex.  I think they are all batshit crazy, but then many people are.   This gal, Carrie has two kids, ages 9 and 11.   Her big plan is to stick around and let the husband help her raise the kids, pay the bills and no doubt dust the jar on the mantle where his balls reside.  She plans to do this until the kids are grown and then guess what her plan is:

She confesses, she will probably abandon her husband and begin a sexual odyssey to find the satisfaction that eludes her.

Just a bit of info:  Carrie is currently 45 years old, her youngest is nine, so we are looking at roughly ten years minimum until this tyke is grown.  So Carrie will be 55 when she sets sail on this Sexual Odyssey of hers dreams.  Let’s not remind her she will probably look like the Crypt Keeper by then, be post menopausal with dry skin, bad hair, and no self lubricating mechanism.  Carrie wants her fantasy and who am I to deny her?  (She already looks like Hillary Clinton to me, folks.  This is not going to be calling the young bucks to heel.)

This article goes on and Carrie to explains it isn’t just her feeling this way.  All her girlfriends feel the same way too!  All of them have children and simple do not want to fuck their husbands anymore.   She believes thousands of women feel the same way she does and would just as soon never get it on with their lawfully wedded husbands.  You know, the ones they basically swore infront of god, family, and the legal system to fuck for as long as they both shall live or he can get it up, whichever comes first. 

She tells us that she and hubby Hal just clicked brilliantly when they met.  Loved the same art, movies, books, blah blah blah. 

Like most successful long-term partnerships, our relationship wasn’t built on sex or passion. At best, sex was simply fine.

There was your first mistake, Sweetheart.  At 33 when you met this guy you were old enough to understand the dirty little secret women do not like to admit.  The Sex Has To Be Good, Bitch!  You know why?  Lemme tell you.  When he pisses you off, the fact you like the same goddamn Monet Water Lily or both get all weepy when you read Yeats is not going to temper your anger in any way.  But if he curls your toes when you are naked and blows the top of your head off with screaming orgasms more days than not, you will tend to get the fuck over it faster.   If that doesn’t work, a round of angry fucking will do the trick!   The ability to get a good solid shaggin’ on demand makes up for a multitude of sins.  

She believes that marriage and motherhood are simply not conducive to having a sex life at all.

“Providing a stable home for children is totally incompatible with having an exciting sex life. The two things are violently at odds,” she adds.

I was hoping to get further into this article before saying this phrase, but here it comes.  What a cunt!  Marriage and Motherhood are no conducive to have a sex life?  Providing a stable home and having exciting sex, according to this female, any sex at all is not possible?  You silly selfish bitch!  I have four children.  Three of them in 5 years!  The very idea of not having an exciting, frequent, lusty sex life is VIOLENTLY at odd with having a stable home! 

What does this bitch do for stress relief? 

Maybe she finds it around some lunch table with other prissy bitches mothers so devoted to their children’s stability that they have become celibate.  At these lunches they vent all that pent up sexual frustration by slamming latte and whining about their neutered husbands.  

The idea of having to go through a week sans sex, much less 4 goddamn years, is enough to give me hives.  I will say this, Carrie.  I have sex. A great deal of it.  I have managed to provide a stable home for my children as well as producing smart, well adjusted, affectionate, behaved children.  Carrie, are you listening to me?? I was with their father for ten years.  He may have some less than charitable things to say about me, but not getting well and properly screwed is not one of them.  I have been with their step-father for nearly two years, the youngest child was 3 when we got together.  He will be the first to admit he gets far more ass than he knows what to do with.  

How is it possible that this has occurred, Carrie?  Dear God in heaven!  I have twice the number of children you do, probably make less money than you and your husband and somehow I manage to be a good mom and have a healthy sex life!  Either you are monumentally lazy and self centered or I am the most unique female on the planet.   While I am The Shit, I am not a singularity or even a peculiarity, so that leaves you with lazy and self centered.  

Some people put themselves first, have affairs or simply leave their marriages in search of sexual adventure.  I’ve chosen to sacrifice sexual thrills in order to do the right thing by my kids

Well alert the Pope, Saint Carrie is just a few miles up the road in the UK!  You want to know how fucking twisted this bitch is?   She made this ultimate sacrifice for her kids to keep their family unit together for what?  So her son or daughter can grow up and think that a family consists of a mom and dad who never have any intimacy or display affection?  How could you possibly want your kids to grow up and look for a mate based on that example?  “Don’t fret, Little Suzy.  Men will never satisfy you.  Just fine one that likes the same brand of Smuckers and have a few kids.  You can then spend the next 20 years of your life with your vibrator or the spin cycle.  Then have lunch with your girlfriends and compare notes on how you are just too goddamn tired to suck your husband’s cock!”  

This shit pisses me off to no end, folks.  This is what is wrong with the world!  The proof that this bitch is a narcissistic hag? She is writing a fucking book about this!  She is so concerned with her kids being stable and well adjusted that she is having her picture taking by the media and writing a fucking book!  Yes, she is Mother of the Year material.

It gets better: 

Unbelievably, her poor, unsuspecting husband is not only unaware of her plans to leave him. He also, she insists, has no idea that she has written a book or posed for these pictures. She seems as confident of him not finding out as she is that he is understanding of her feelings.

Another great thing to teach your kids, right?   Your daddy is such a fucking idiot he doesn’t realize I am a conniving cunt and I have had his balls in a jar so long that even if he did find out he probably wouldn’t leave. 

“There’s a general understanding between us that I’m keeping the family unit together,” she says. “Children need to be brought up by parents in a monogamous marriage. I wouldn’t want to blow that apart, and I certainly wouldn’t want the burden of being a single parent.

There is the clincher right there folks.  The burden of being a single parent.  I am 99% certain that this woman is the most self centered bitch on the planet.  Honestly, if you put her within 20 feet of my husband’s ex-wife I think they world would be sucked into a black hole created spontaneously from too much selfishness in a single location.  It is cosmically impossible for that much self absorption and sense of entitlement be in the same place at the same time. 

“I know from taking the kids on holiday on my own once when Hal was working that having sole responsibility for them is exhausting”

This bitch is a poster child for what is wrong with not only women but the majority of society today.  Grow the fuck up! Life is not suppose to be easy.  Raising children is not suppose to be easy.   They are not fucking pets! 

She goes on to talk about nearly cheating on her husband with an old flame after finding him online.   She spent months with sexy emails and phones calls.  Planned to go see him and get her freak on but alas he found a local piece of ass and her stale shit was just not good enough.  Pobrecita.  She was devastated and confessed everything to her husband, poor stupid Hal.  You remember him?  The one who’s balls she has in her purse.  Well, Hal held her and let her cry.  At this point in the article I had to vomit.  

What does she say about other women and and woman writers who profess to having great sex? 

Carrie admits that part of her envies those authors who claim to be having lots of sex and, more significantly, love it. The other part of her just doesn’t believe them.

“I do wonder if they are just writing what they think the audience wants to hear,” she says. “I read their accounts of wild sex lives and then ponder my own sexual encounters and wonder: ‘Where was the fun, the screaming ecstasy, the fireworks?’”

Considering earlier in the article she mentions of all the 23 lovers in her lifetime, the only one that ever worked for her was a married man with whom there was no hope of a relationship.  Basically the only man to ever give her an orgasm was married.  Gee, neurotic much?  The only man who was not available.  The only one she couldn’t have a relationship with just happens to be the only one who can get her off?

Sweetie, they make pills for what is wrong with you.  Call a doctor.

Her book is titled:  Cutting Up Playgirl: A Cheerful Memoir Of Sexual Disappointment, by Carrie Jones

I see the first cause of her sexual disappointment in the title.  The only people who read Playgirl for arousal are gay males.   Pick better pr0n or better yet, scope of the baseball players on TV.   Mmm good. 

I could go on and on, Carrie and say more obvious things about how you are the epitome of everything wrong with the “Modern Woman” but I will refrain.  I am tired and I have to get my three daughters in bed, load the dishwasher, take a long hot bath, and then fuck the smart out of my husband.  

It is all about the priorities, sister. 

I love Stupid Funny Shit…

“Sorry, but marriage and sex DON’T go together…”

Our fearless former President Bill Clinton has this whole shtick he pulls whenever he feels like making a point.  He says, “Shame on you!” and does it like a parent talking to a child or a dog owner talking to a puppy that just pissed on the floor.  Complete with righteous indignation and pointing his claw he says it, nice and slow and southern.  “Shayum On Yewww” 

I always wait for the bolt of lightning to shoot from the heavens and incinerate him.  My first thought is, “Who this fuck is this guy to say Shame On You?”  Then I realize this asshole knows more about shameful things than anyone else I can call to mind.

Linkie

“Sybil Britney goes in her bedroom as one person, comes out as another.” 

Seems Britney invited a bunch of paps into her house sans cameras, of course, drinking, eating and having fun.  Goes into her bedroom, changes clothes and returns to the crowd screaming like a maniac wanting to know why they are there and who let them in.  via: WWTDD

“Britney Tries to Pick up Kids at Elementary School.”

Britney was hanging outside a Beverly Hills Elementary School chain smoking and talking to herself for a while.  Then tells the teacher “I am here to pick up my kids.  Uhm not my kids, my lawyer’s kids” or some shit like that.  Wtf?  via: The Superficial.

I am telling you, they need to commit this girl before she gets herself pregnant again.  I am not sure what they are waiting for.  Remember when we thought Anne Heche was crazy? 

“Click Here to have your screen cleaned”