Demure Thoughts PSA #1 : Ten Tips to Dealing with a Hormonal Woman

By jen

While I am female perfection, even I will admit there are a handful of days a month you really should tread lightly. The best of women have some mood issues. The following ten simple tips could save you much pain, many unnecessary fights, and perhaps even your life.

1. Understand you are wrong. It is a simple thing.


2. Be particularly aware of your tone of voice. If you are not capable of keeping it kind, loving, and benign, do not speak. Five days of silence can be a good thing.


3. Do not ever say “The house is a wreck.” Even if you do not mean for her to get up and clean it she is going to take it as a personal attack. Just clean it or let it go.


4. Do not take your shower before she has a chance to take her bath. Nothing will set off a berserker blood lust like a fucking luke warm bath because you had to have a hot shower first.


5. Do not eat the last cookie, piece of chocolate, or drink the last can of Coke Zero. Only woe lies there and you really do not need it nearly as badly as she does.


6. If she wants to watch BravoTV all day, that is ok. Even if it is the twenty-fifth rerun of Season 4 Project Runway. She fucking likes the fashion, leave her the hell alone. Have you no soul?


7. This is an excellent time to be the greatest Dad in the world. Take the kids to see a movie in the morning. This will totally be appreciated and when the time comes you will sooooo get laid for doing this.


8. When she says, “I love Rocky Road Ice Cream” it is code for; “If you fucking loved me at any point in our life together you would get up and go buy me some.” Suggesting she eat the ice cream you actually have in the freezer is not going to do anything but prove you are no longer deeply in love with her. She simply wants what isn’t in the freezer. If you had Rocky Road she would want Tin Roof or Caramel Turtle Fudge.


9. It is perfectly acceptable and understandable when every fourth sentence out of her mouth is, “God, my tits hurt.” They do, you insensitive bastards.


10. Finally, giggling as she constantly drops stuff, loses stuff, or huffs around talking to herself is not going to make anything better. While it might seem amusing to you and amusing to her any other time of the month, at that moment you might as well be waving a red cape at her and taunting her with a reese’s peanut butter egg. It aint cute.

So there you have it, Demure Thoughts PSA #1; read it, learn it, live it.