American Idol: Beatles?

By jen

Didn’t we fucking have Paul and John last week?  Wtf?  There better be some Sgt. Pepper in here or I am gonna get cranky.

Amanda:  Back in the USSR is the song… Is it me or does she sound like she is singing the same song every week?  Just sayin’.

Randy: was good, not great

Paula: blabbering nonsense.  You are quintessential, unique, you are who you are!  (wtf does that mean?)

Simon: Predictable.

Kristy :  Sorry, I zoned out… no clue wtf she is singing.  Gawd she sucks.  Ugh…   she is singing way below her range and it is killing me.  STOP.

Randy: Boring and safe.

Paula: blabbering nonsense.  You look gorgeous.  That is Paula Speak for YOU SUCKED.

Simon: You need hypnosis.  You are not a good performer.  Boring.  Musical wallpaper.

David Archuletta:  The Long and Winding Road  I love this fucking song.  Please sing it well.   He has such a pretty voice.  Though I am a child of the 80’s and Peter Frampton’s version was great.   Better than the first two broads.  I still think he should have performed a Rick Astley tune on 80’s week.

Randy:  Brought the hotness back to his game.

Paula:  Blathering nonsense… purity.. something… rising about something… blathering babbling…

Simon:  Amazing.  You made my point with the previous contestants.  That was a master class.

Michael Johns:  A Day In The Life is a great song.  This is the second Sgt. Pepper song.  Woo woo.  He is sexy as hell.  He has really hairy arms too… I wonder if his back is hairy?  Odd arrangement of the song.  He is great.

Randy:  Wrong choice.  Use your big voice.

Paula: blabbering nonsense… blah blah blah monitors or something

Simon:  It was a mess.

Brooke :  Here Comes The Sun of course.  She should knock this out of the park…  She cannot dance, but she is a white girl.  It is ok.  She is charming and stuff but it was odd.

Randy:  Awkward.

Paula: blathering nonsense.  you make me smile.  blah blah blah.

Simon:  Terrible.  Song choice sucks.

David Cook: Day tripper is the song.  I dig this song.  Ok, he is so NOT hot when he is in the interview part.  But he is so edible when he sings.  ok he is fellating this thingie… i am confused and conflicted now.  Overall rating:  yum.

Randy:  Solid, I loved it.

Paula:  blabbering gushing your ready to sell records.

Simon:  It wasn’t as good as you thought it was.  Predictable.

I hate Ryan Seacrest…

Karly Smithson:  Blackbird is the song.  I love this song.  Karly is The Shit.  She still reminds me of Paula Dean, sorry.  Love her.

Randy: Great performance.

Paula: blah blah blah

Simon: indulgent.

Jason Castro:  Michelle is the song.  He is a dork.  The does this eyebrow thing that drives me nuts, and not in a good way.  He looks like he is not taking this overly serious when he does the French part.  Though who really takes the French seriously anyway?  He should have done With a Little Help From My Friends. 

Randy:  Was ok for me.

Paula: blah blah blah.

Simon:  Your face sold it, not your voice.  Your goofiness makes it work.

Syesha: She is pulling out all the stops this week.  She has boobs on display.   Yesterday is the song.  Ugh.  Cute dress, I want it.  She sucks.

 I zoned out on this part… sorry

Jacuzzi: I’ve Just Seen A Face

Randy: Was ok.

Paula: blah blah blah whatever.

Simon: Started off ok, then you played the harmonica.  Turned into achey breaky heart.

Ramielle: I shoulda known better is the song.  I am bored and she hasn’t started yet.  Ok, she sucks.  She looks absurd.  NEXT.

 Randy:  was alright.

Paula:  blah blah blah

Simon:  Amateurish, wrong song choice.