Gentlemen, Find Your Balls…

By jen

The twenty-five most emasculated, disempowered, henpecked husbands on the planet:

Ever since our prehistoric ancestors first crawled out of the ocean, took a deep breath of air, and uttered that familiar phrase “Sure, we can go to the Container Store on Saturday,” certain men have buckled under female domination.

Well, I for one cannot have a relationship with a man who is overly beta. I know it might surprise most you to find out I am somewhat aggressive and a tad outspoke. I know, I know… I come off so fucking demure. I have dated great guys who were just way to passive for me.

A few ways to tell if your man is whipped:

1. If you can convince your man to see a chick flick with you and not have to offer oral sex as a bribe, then he is whipped or gay.


2. If you can wrestle the remote control from his grip for more than five minutes without threatening to smother him in his sleep he is whipped.


3. If you suggest going to pilates class together and he seems excited at the thought of spending time with you in yoga pants, he is whipped or gay.


4. If he talks to you mother on the phone more than you do… whipped.


5. If he will cancel on a hunting trip, pro sports event, or golf with his friends… his balls are in your purse.


6. If he calmly carries your purse around while you are shopping for clothes… eunuch.


7. If you can scold him in front of his buddies and he not blow a gasket… henpecked.


8. If he allows you to be consistently late for everything, he is a pussy.


9. If he loves all your girlfriends he is lying, gay, and whipped.


10. If he calls you while out with his friends every hour to make sure you do not need anything and then asks if he can stay out later… whipped.

This is not a good thing, just sayin’. I would suggest you return his balls to him immediately, he misses them, even if he doesn’t realize they are gone.

Highlights of the above linked list:

Guy Ritchie: Madonna’s husband and deserving of the label. He use to direct good films like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He next project? A Kabbalah documentary. Also there is this pic of the couple and yes, Madonna is carrying a shopping bag with a strap on inside.

John Edwards: “After Ann Coulter referred to the former senator and failed presidential candidate as a “faggot,” Edwards did the stand-up thing: He let his wife, Elizabeth, call in to Hardball and tell the right-wing harpy off but good. John, meanwhile, looked like a man holding his wife’s purse.”