Dear Idiot Parent #9486740

By jen

You know who you are. You are the irresponsible asshole who picked up your kid from religious education class on your crotch rocket styled motorcycle. From this point on in the article you will be referred to as Idiot Asshole.

Idiot Asshole, you picked up a beautiful, tiny little daughter probably around 7 years old. You put a helmet on her and tossed her behind you. You shot out of the parking lot without a care in the world. I was right behind your stupid ass. I was the apoplectic mother praying you were going to pull into a driveway right down the street. I nearly threw up when I watched you pulled onto the highway with this beautiful child not big enough to wrap her arms around your body. I watched you take off like a rocket and all I could do was pray. Pray that this child didn’t end up a meat waffle because of you, Idiot Asshole.

I am sure you love your daughter. That said. You are a fucking idiot and an asshole. If she cannot wrap her arms around you, what makes you think she will stay on the back of that bike if you have to swerve for something? Are you out of your fucking mind!? We have already established you are an idiot asshole, but are you truly out of your mind?

You know the only person crazier than your ass? The stupid ass mother of this child you lets you do this!

Look, I am not trying to be a bitch here, Idiot Asshole. I think a grown up on a motorcycle is perfectly fine. If you want to fly down the express way begging to be an organ donor, so be it.

I even get the thrill. It isn’t usually your fault when accidents happen, but that doesn’t make it any more safe and frankly it is a risk I do not understand and as an adult choose not to engage in, but I do not begrudge you this hobby. I am just a wuss. No need to hate me, I think they are sexy and all those things, I am just not there. I have too many kids to risk some inattentive driver in a car running me into an early grave.

Getting on a motorcycle with a child who is still suppose to be in a fucking booster seat inside the car and tearing out of a parking lot and onto an expressway full of idiot drivers is the height of irresponsibility and it makes you a what? That’s right! An Idiot Asshole.

You cannot legally put your child in the back of a truck and drive down the road. Why? How? What kind of insanity is it you can put them on the back of a motorcycle and hit the road like a bat out of hell?

I was astounded, angry, and wanted to pull you over and punch you in the fucking nose. I really did. Instead, I just said a prayer and hoped the old saying was true: God takes care of fools and babies.

If you read this, Idiot Asshole with the green motorcycle, pull your head out of your ass and remember she is just a baby; more breakable and valuable than you.