If you feel weird about it, others will get your vibe. However, it sounds like you have a great story (saw your bit on the Today Show) so others will want to hear it. You might be able to help others who have friends or family members who could benefit from your experience.

Sure, anywhere there’s lots of women, there’s gonna be some cattiness, but what I found was different in that group was that the common denominator was our kids and what we could learn from others and what we could share with others that might help them. It is a great thing for the first few years. I found that it really helped me keep my sanity – when I thought I was crazy for, whatever, I found out that I wasn’t the first to experience it. Oh and usually there was Mexican food and Margarita’s after a meeting. Best. Part. Ever. After your kids start school, it becomes less a priority, as the “twinness” seems to kind of wear off a little and they are just individual kids. Also, you get really busy then.

The best part is you will likely meet one or two women that you actually like and even if you drop out of the club, you’ve got that. That’s how I met my best friend. Luckily our husbands like each other and so do our kids. We get each other like no one else.

Also, best advice I ever got: from an adult quintuplet - individual birthday cakes. Always. It makes them feel special on their special day. She said that they always had one big cake and they all just wanted their own cake. This was a thirty year-old woman still wistful about not having her own birthday cake. Funny, huh? That stuck with me and I have three cakes every year.

Take it easy, and good luck.
Melissa

Momotrips, thank you for the excellent advice. I have looked into the organization and have been a bit reluctant to join because the comments I have read from mothers with IVF is that you are treated like an outsider, especially if you are doing surrogacy. I probably will check into it eventually when I get a moment to breathe. I do not know if we are having girls or boys, it is illegal in India to tell the parents the gender of the child. It is their law and I respect it. I figure if my mom didnt know if I were a boy or a girl till I was born then I can wait it out too.

Hardly a soap box.  She is talking about me.  You are obviously on a box of detergent if my 8-10 loads a week are light.  I have a double loader washer!  Or so the machine says… it lies!

Anyway, ignore the drama.

This is so fucking stupid.  I do not have to caveat every entry for every person who could possible be outside the scope of the subject.  I will not apologize for being fertile and I will not apologize for talking about the my girls.   I was not smug, it was meant to be amusing and it was.  Your hyper-sensitivity about this is out of control.

No one is competing to have kids and no one is speaking here and expecting you or anyone else to compete.   It was a conversation about kids.

So when I call her up in a panic because I am overwhelmed I am not going to want to hear “You only have 2, try having 4!” She and I both know what my reaction to that will be.

Just like you knew my reaction to this sort of fucking drama.  I am pissed, mission accomplished.

So when I call her up in a panic because I am overwhelmed I am not going to want to hear “You only have 2, try having 4!” She and I both know what my reaction to that will be.

Needless to say…(or should be), having more than one baby at a time can indeed be overwhelming.

But please spare me the soapbox about how much more there is to having 4,5,6 kids. This was your choice, you took this responsibility on…

I hope telling people I have six kids isn’t considered getting on a “soap box”.

At one time I was the president of my local parents of multiples and an active member of the area supertwin group. I’d suggest highly that you start attending some meetings. It might seem hokey at first, but it is a great outlet because, really, even Jen won’t be able to understand all your issues when the babies come. You will get invaluable advice from other parents of multiples. Parents of multiples literally “have their hands full” and those that have their kids one at a time can only imagine. They also do “kid swaps” so you don’t have to always pay for a babysitter and rummage sales so you can unload your outgrown baby gear and get some from others if you need it. Check it out. http://www.saamom.org is the San Antonio Area Mother of Multiples group. I’ve met some of them at conventions and they’re a great group (at least they used to be when I was active).

We didn’t choose to have triplets, God blessed us to have triplets. We didn’t choose to have a large family, it was thrust upon us. Had we had one at a time, I’m sure we’d have ended up only having one or two, even though I’d always thought I wanted three. Kids are hard work- even one at a time. I still wonder what it would be like to have a girl or even another baby boy just to see what it’s like to have one baby like “normal” people. However, that wasn’t the plan, I guess, because we are essentially infertile and the ONLY way we can get pregnant is with medical intervention or a donor. I’m 44, now and really need to spend that time and money on the kids we currently have.

I believe that the people Jen was mostly referring to are the ones from the article. The ones that could afford to have a dozen and complain about two. Sure it’s expensive to raise a bunch of kids when they expect nothing but Abercrombie and Aeropostale and UnderArmor (or even high fashion like some), but you have to keep from spoiling them and make them appreciate when you get them those things. (Also, Ebay and resale shops are great places to find your kids’ brand names until they are “with it” enough to realize that’s what you’re doing. Heh. By then, they’ll have to earn some money to get more than a few pieces).

Love, discipline and strong moral upbringing is what makes the difference. Also being there to actually parent (as in the verb). The people who generally make those kinds of comments are lacking in something in their family, or they wouldn’t say those things. Sure I’ve joked before because I was incredulous that someone I’ve known was having their SIXTH kid. On purpose. Only because I know that I think I’d hit my breaking point at four. Also out of a little jealously, because – #1 they could CHOOSE to have another anytime they want and #2 because they MUST be better organized and more highly motivated – to do even more laundry. Hell, the threat of increase in laundry makes my ovaries shrivel.

Good luck to all – those with one or two kids or those with six or more. We all need it. You know that Jen is just yankin’ a chain. She’s controversial, that one is.

Oh yeah, are they boys, girls or one of each, Kat?

While she says she is just kidding she still makes the statement.  Jen is my best friend and has been for going on 11 years now. I love her to death and wouldnt trade her for the world. That being said. I have had no kids and have twins on the way. So when I call her up in a panic because I am overwhelmed I am not going to want to hear “You only have 2, try having 4!” She and I both know what my reaction to that will be.

I applaud all of those that have a big bunch of kids. Good for you, if you are happy and they are happy then YAY TEAM! But please spare me the soapbox about how much more there is to having 4,5,6 kids. This was your choice, you took this responsibility on and are meeting it like you should. You are far more organized than me, far more tolerant and patient than me and you would have to be to raise 6 kids.  But again I say the goal is not in the quantity but in the quality.

I don’t think she said that. She just said it’s funny to hear people with only one or two kids complain about being overwhelmed when one or two are easily manageable. It does get tougher the more you have.

And it’s also funny to see the expressions on people’s faces when they hear I have six kids. It never gets old.

Jen…8-10 loads of laundry is all??? Man, you got it easy girl.

While the audacity of those who ask “why would you want more” does show their ass quite well. The truth is, its not how many you have that wins the race, it is how well you raise them once you get them. I can attest that Jen has great kids. They are funny, intellegent, independant and quirky (in a cute way). Kudos to Jen for that. I am sure the same can be said about Momotrips and Captkidney.  But those that are out there just having bunches of babies cause they are too lazy for birth control do not even come close to what I would consider a parent.

Ehem.

Okay, I am just fucking efficient, man. I always said I wanted three kids – I just had ‘em all at once. No muss, no fuss, and very few stretch marks – I was MADE for carrying a litter.

I was 34 when I had my little “litter”. My husband and I have no idea what having one kid is like. Being able to leave the house and do simple things like go to church or the grocery store with one little ole infant seat looks like such fun. Not having people stop you in the mall like you are pushing around some kind of science experiment looks like heaven. Really, having kids one at a time is CAKE. I was a damn vampire, only leaving the house after dark for the first two months of my babies lives. You’d be surprised what goes on at WalMart after Midnight. There’s a whole new nocturnal society you’ve never experienced. Fortunately, because we have only had our little team, it’s all we know, so it really isn’t hard. We did what we needed to do to survive the hard early part and even with each kid’s individual “stuff”, we are all doing fine.

It’s funny about the whole fiscal smackdown people are getting from others. We immediately purchased a big-ass Suburban when we found out it was triplets. We loved that car for 120,000 miles. We got a TrailBlazer XL (the longer, 7 seater) a couple of years ago in addition (I know, we’re such gas-guzzling Texas Republicans…kiss my ass moonbats). With gas prices the way they are and me getting 11 mpg in my TrailBlazer and my husband getting 14 mpg in the Suburban with a 44+ mile round-trip commute, we just traded in our big ole blue bus for a Honda Civic Hybrid. All three boys have to sit TOGETHER in the back. Ha, ha for them. And no we didn’t make the decision because we’re caressing trees and buying carbon credits, we just figured out the monthly outlay and it made sense. (Nice car, too. If you’re considering a Prius, check out the Civic. )

Anyway, believe me, I’ve had people tell me the most crazy things and ask me the rudest questions. It goes with the territory when you have higer-order multiples. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for everyone else. I’ve even had people ask me why I didn’t choose selective reduction, so they will ask or comment about anything. Those people that make the snide comments don’t deserve what we’ve got.

Oh yeah, and we have a saying here – “go upstairs and I don’t want to see you or hear from any of you unless it is one of the three B’s!” – bleeding, burning or barfing. So yeah, pretty much nothing fazes parents of larger families, particularly when it’s a family of boys.