American Idol… Blah Blah Blah…

By jen

Does Ryan only have one suit? He is looking a little Max Headroom this evening.

Mariah Carey is their mentor this week. Nice little bio about Mariah and you can actually see the exponential expansion of her breast size as her career progresses. Eh, I have no strong feelings about Mariah. Ok, she has her dog with her. Now I have strong feelings. Leave the damn dog home. She looks great though. God, who is gonna sing, “Can’t Live Without You” or “Ken Lee” as you might also know it?

David Archuletta singing something I do not know. Most of her later stuff runs together for me: He looks cute in his edgy leather jeans, spiffy tshirt and sneakers. Awww, I have the urge to feed him something. Cute boy. Amazing voice. I hate ballads. have I said that lately? Oh, btw this is some song about Miracles. He is good, the grannies and twelve year olds love him. He has an amazing voice.

Randy: You can sing anything, that was Da Bomb, baby. Paula: she looks shitfaced again. Yay! Lush Paula is my favorite. Simon: Very very good. You set the benchmark.

Campbell’s Soup Commercials make me cranky. I hate tomato soup. It is oogy. It has occurred to me I do not curse enough in these posts. That shit’s gonna change tonight, baby. I am feelin’ the F bomb.

Carly Smithson DING DING DING it’s Ken Lee time folks: I hate her tights. She need to quit let the stylists try to minimize her curves. She looks great. Carly has some pipes. She will not win, but if she goes home before Sayanara I will be pissed. There is her tattooed Hubby.

Randy: Trust your lower range. Pretty good. Paula: She was all tits last week, now she is all covered up. Maybe they caught a cold. She really says nothing of value so I am just going to comment on her tonight. Simon: Didn’t pull it off.

Sayanara, oh goodie. Vanishing. Never heard of it. : Ok… “I’ll be theerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre. I’ll be theeeerrrrrrrrrre.” Ugh. That is what is sounds like. Wonder if someone will sing that? How does this broad keep getting voted through? She is like the pickler. Is she on vote for the worst? Ugh.

Randy: Toughest song of the night… blah blah blah. Did a good job all things considered. Wtf is that? Paula: She is totally altered. She just called her smart like ten times. stfu. Simon: Very good technically. Poor song choice.

Ok, the vagina like samsung att wireless commercial sort of makes me feel woozy. All those blossoms and stuff, it is like a bad tampon commercial.

Subway commercial for $5 footlong where it looks like they are talking about big schlongs. Not a commercial to watch without sound.

Statefarm wants people with cross eyes to buy their policies. The girl in this commercial is more walleyed than Paris Hilton.

Brooke White sings Hero: Back at the piano, where she is usually better. Oh God I cannot take much more of the ballads. I know MC made some upbeat shit. Brooke is doing her thing. She is the best girl so far. But then again I hate Sayanara and I do not remember what Carly sang.

Randy: Pretty good. Paula: blathering nonsense. Dear God someone put a sock in her mouth. Simon: Voice not strong enough to carry the song.

Kristy Lee Cook, or as my girls call her Krispy Lee: Mariah lies and tells her she is fantastic. Shoot me now. Please, honky tonk Mariah is just too painfully. Why does this remind me of the Balcony scene in To Wong Foo? Ugh. Pretty girl, cannot sing. BTW, she is the Vote For The Worst Nominee.

Randy: Was ok. Paula: Requisite dissociative episode. Simon: You didn’t give me chills. Managed with what you could and it was whiney. YES! I LOVE SIMON.

David Cook aka Yummypants sings Always Be My Baby: Thank God someone isn’t WHINING. Hotness. He will be huge, like daughtry huge. Win or not. Yay… my hour was not wasted entirely.

Randy: Your ready to make an album. Standing O Paula: Typically doesn’t make sense. She is totally high and/or medicated. Simon: Thank you for taking us out of Karaoki hell. Original and daring. Great potential artist. Congratulations.

He is all misty. Bless his heart. I read his brother is very very ill and he is in audience after some extraordinary effort on the part of of locals and friends:

According to the paper, Adam, leaning on a cane, waved to friends and family before embarking on the improbable trip, which almost didn’t happen when doctors grounded the lawyer’s flight earlier in the week after determining that he could not fly commercially due to his condition. He is undergoing chemotherapy for his second diagnosis of brain cancer, which has spread to his spine. Luckily for Adam, who practiced law in Terre Haute until his condition worsened, his friends and a local councilman rallied behind him and arranged for an all-expenses-paid flight on a chartered medical jet, with a flight medic and flight nurse onboard to make sure he is stable. A local radio station also threw in a paid stay in a hotel just across the street from the Los Angeles studio where the “Idol” finalists perform.

The total cost of the flight and medical assistance is nearly $80,000.

Quote of the hour: You walk like a tortoise giving birth… Gordon Ramsay. Gordon is HOT.

Jason Castro sings I don’t Wanna Cry:: If this boy could stop making funny faces I could stop laughing at him. Kat says he looks like a very young John Travolta. I can see it, without the overly gay part. I still see Joe from Facts of Life. He gets point from me for singing at it not sounding like a Mariah Carey song being sung by a guy. He isn’t David Cook, but he is good. Imagine how cute he would be with real pretty silky long hair instead of the rat’s nest.

Randy: hated it. Didn’t get it. Paula: Loved it, blather. Simon: Very good, cool version. The guys completely won the night.

Going home: Carly probably. Should be Krispy or Sayanara.