She Didn’t Season the Fucking Fish!
Ok, I simply cannot tolerate Sandra Lee of the Semi-Homemade fad. Her show on FoodTv is SHIT. Shit I tell you.
I am a good cook and I am a foodie. I am a huge fan of using as many canned, prepared, etc foods and making them something amazing. I have a houseful of kids and while I love to cook, I am not going to make an all day soup when I can do one damn near as good in about 45 minutes. That said…
What this bitch does is not making something better. It is taking something bland and making it uhm… making it the same but putting a fucking garnish on it and calling it gourmet. Ugh. I could kind of hang with her in the beginning today. She made olive puffs. Take puff pastry (which I love) and roll it out a bit, smear some good stuff on it, cheese it, roll it, cut it, egg wash it, and bake it. Voila! It was edible except for the fact she basically smeared an entire can of tomato paste as a base. Uhm, not so much.
I actually laughed aloud at her Asparagus risotto which came out of a box, not that there is anything wrong with that, but making it “homemade” is not the result of basically chopping an asparagus stem and floating them before you cover it. What she did next will haunt me for a while…
She had flounder fillets. I love flounder and these were nice looking fillets. She stacked two, tucked them under, stuck four bundles in a glass dish olive oil in the bottom, chopped asparagus on top and baked it.
Yes, you read that right. SHE DIDN’T SEASON THE FISH! God should have shot a thunderbolt in her ass for defiling flounder in that way. I am simply unable to get over this. She didn’t salt it. She didn’t butter it. She didn’t put a lemon slice. She fucking didn’t season it. She made this mierda red pepper cream sauce. Honestly, I think I threw up a little in my mouth when she picked up the albino fillet and poured enough of that disgusting tomato soup looking red pepper sauce to choke a horse over the poor unseasoned fishy.
I got pissed, honest to goodness pissed! Who the fuck would eat that? Maybe it is a white person thing? Cajuns are white folks, but we like our fucking food to taste like something. This is like something my first husband’s mother would have made and served with mashed potato weenie casserole. Ugh…. You know how bad it was? So bad that it isn’t even posted on the FoodTV.com website. They have different and equally disgusting recipes for today’s show.
If this bitch is making a fortune off this, then I am in the wrong business. It is time to launch my cooking show. Problem is, I would have to be on HBO or something because I curse too much. Bitch in The Kitchen has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Kat and I use to always say we would do a great cooking show between the two of us. Bitches in the Kitchen…. I am feelin’ it.
4 Responses so far
April 25th, 2008
11:41 pm
You can be on right after my niece’s husband’s show “Cooking with Beer”.
Sandra Lee is a frigid fraud. She tries to be “down to earth” with her bare feet. Yuck. A chandelier lying on the table? Why does this surprise you? She freakin’ changes the curtains for every show. She’s not right. Bland fish is nasty and wasting a nice flounder is one of the seven deadly Cajun sins – the one right after serving gumbo without having a jar of file’ on the table. Peeshaw.
April 26th, 2008
5:44 pm
And a homemade potato salad with HOMEMADE mayonnaise. God, my mawmaw could make potato salad. Mom can make the homemade mayo just as good. I need to learn. It is the one thing i haven’t made that I grew up eating.
Have you made it to Penzey’s yet, Mel? If i lived in houston I would live THERE.
April 26th, 2008
9:23 pm
No, I always have eyerolling little boys with me and I’d never hear the end of the whining if I tried to go there. I have to hold an congressional hearing to get them to go with me to Whole Foods without their spastic facial contortions and flopping on the ground. I’ll have to get there on one of my errand days.
Yeah, and nothing like a Cajun mawmaw’s potato salad. More like mashed potatoes with mayo onions and pickles. My mom put olives in hers, too. So good it make ya wanna slap yo grandma.
April 27th, 2008
11:15 pm
I ran across her show a few years ago (‘05 or ‘06’) and she was wearing a t-shirt with a peace symbol on it. Normally , i wouldn’t even have noticed it, but this was at a time when anti-war stuff was all over the place and The Food Network was one of those rare places you could go knowing politics wasn’t going to be rammed down your throat. Her inserting politics into a place that probably most people consider a no politics zone just seemed like a very arrogant thing to do and it irritated me enough that i haven’t watched her show since then.
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