Jun

18

Some Funniness: 50 Office Phrases You Love To Hate

By jen

Let’s see with BBC says and we may add a few of our own.

“My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers . I think that says it all really.”
Anonymous, England

Idea showers?  Well, here in the US of A in this age of Political Correctness are not allowd to use the word “Shower” or any word denoting an act that one does nekkid.  Imagine what would happen if the person was making eye contact at the same time!  Dear God, the HR manager would be in a lather.
“Business speak even supersedes itself and does so with silliness, the shorthand for quick win is now low hanging fruit .”
Paul, Formby, UK

Ah, yes.  The Low Hanging Fruit phrase.  This one is like a big giant sign that says, “Mock Me Jennifer!  You know you have to do it!”  Management at work must have gone to a seminar about six months ago, because I was in no less than 5 meetings with several different folks all who used the term Low Hanging Fruit at least once.  If you use the term Low Hanging Fruit, you should stop.  Why do I always think of rotting figs when I hear the phrase?
“Working for an American corporation, this year’s favourite word seems to be granularity , meaning detail. As in ‘down to that level of granularity’.”
Chris Daniel, Anaco, Venezuela

Oh yes, this one is infecting our workplace too.  I think I have a granularity stuck in my throat.  I need a soda.

I would like to add to the following:


  • Open a dialog: I would like to split open the face of the next person who says it.

  • Could you send me a soft copy of that data? What is that you ask?  It is a silly way of asking for a pdf or a word document.

  • Key Performance Indicators: KPIs and Dashboards will be the end of the civilized world as we know it.

  • Let’s take this to the whiteboard: I would like to take a sledgehammer to the whiteboard.


I shall begin to collect these and add to it.

Link to article

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Filed under: jackassery, mindless fun
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4 Responses so far

Alice HNo Gravatar
June 19th, 2008
3:24 pm

Idea showers makes me think of golden showers.  Low hanging fruit makes me think of elephantiasis of the genitals.

I’m so glad I don’t work in an office anymore.

CowtipperNo Gravatar
June 20th, 2008
5:49 am

I love this topic, as a IT worker I get to hear overused, misused and  irritating lingo all day. Here are a few of my most hated terms and words.
1. Turn Key Solution: WTF…..Unless this involves me kicking the vendor in the balls, I do not want to here it.
2. Synergy: Our executives love this word. If your a vendor with pure shit to sell, then add this word to the pitch and you are in.
3: Solution Provider: This always made me think of “Idea Guy”. Serves no purpose and does no real work. But hey it’s out of the box thinking dammit.
4:Ping: I have a Cisco rep who loves to say “I will Ping you tomorrow on this”. Does a plumber say ” I will weild you on this next week.”

JenniferNo Gravatar
June 20th, 2008
10:13 am

Key Performance Indicators: KPIs and Dashboards will be the end of the civilized world as we know it.Amen!

Faith+1No Gravatar
June 20th, 2008
7:16 pm

True Story from a previous job here are excerpts from my annual review.  The quick background…..some nimrod decided that we would no longer refer to annual reviews as performance reviews but “Gifts Of Feedback”. I am quoting my review:—-
While I appreciate your candor at times it is not appropriate to state that “Gifts Of Feedback” is the “stupidest thing you’ve ever heard come from upper management”.  And yes, when I mentioned that your statement was not appropriate you did agree that it was inaccurate to say that “Gifts Of Feedback” was the “stupidest thing you’ve ever heard come from upper management”.  However, beginning to list all the other things you considered to be “even dumber than a bag of rocks” than this idea—expecially during a division wide status meeting—was not well received by the senior management team.—-
While the pointy-haired middle managers hated it the CEO thought it was hilarious.

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