This Is Why I Do Not Bake…

By jen

I have mentioned it a million times.  I am no baker.  I can cook like a champ, but baking and me are not meant to be.  My mom gave me a gigantic sysco cake mix that is a just add water thing.  Now I didn’t want to make 8 round cakes so I decided to make three fat ones.  By my logic you should just be able to half the mix and half the water and voila!  Oh no… it never works that way.  That would be logical.

Nonetheless I tossed half the mix with half the water and cranked up the mixer.  That was fun… I love my kitchenaid mixer.  Yes, I do not bake and I have a $300 mixer.  I thought it would help.  Immediately I splattered everything within a 4 foot radius, but that is why we have Formula 409 now isn’t it?  Anyway, I mixed it, it was delightful and fluffy and looked like cake batter so I poured it equally into three round pans and baked it as directed.

When I took them out they were beautiful and I was almost hopeful.  Almost…

I let them cool and then went to frost and stack.  Woo woo icing rocks.

The first one came out nicely with the pesky little fact it left the bottom third in the pan attached but not burnt.  Daughter number 2 was more than happy to eat it out of the bottom sans frosting…

I was not to be brought down, the cake looked and tasted well even though it had no bottom.  So i flipped it over on the plate and frosted the top with creamy vanilla frosting.  voila!  Of course it was only 3/4 inch thick, but wtf.  The second layer… uhm… not such a success as the first.  The left side broke off and the whole thing split in half.  Never fear I have frosting!  I flipped it onto the other pathetic layer and pasted it to gether with vanilla frosting it is sort of crumbly at this point, but you know what?  I am not a quitter!

Layer three was the most cooperative and came out easily with just a bit of ugliness on the edge basically it was as close to perfect as I could possible ask for.  I flipped it onto the volcano of frosting and yellow cake already complete and frosted that bad boy with chocolate left over from The Hubby’s successful cupcakes last week.  At this point, the lower levels couldn’t take the embarressment of being topped by the perfection of the chocolate layer and started collapsing under the stress of failure and abject humiliation.  I did my best to smooth the surrealist piece of art into submission and well it just kept getting worse.

Daughter number 2, the optimist (don’t ask me how I managed to breed an optimist…) she says, “Who cares what it looks like?  It tastes great, Mom!”  Have I told you she is absolutely the most amazingly perfect child ever born?  She also looks just like me and God love her, always manages to see the bright side.  It is strange to see your reflection and have it return sunshine and light.  She is my opposite…

So, without further ado… Behold the Jen Cake!