C is for Canada and Crotchety Old Cunt…

By jen

You know there is nothing I can think of less attractive than a bitter feminist.  Heather Mallick is no exception, that’s for sure.  Via Hot Air this morning you get this lovely little hissy fit of hers further proving the point she has probably never had a orgasm she didn’t give herself and could definitely use one.  I suppose I only give credence to her POV by calling her names and such in the following article, but damn… I am White Trash anyway and we do not know any better, so here it goes!

Just going to hit a few of the highlights here…

I assume John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his vice-presidential partner in a fit of pique because the Republican money men refused to let him have the stuffed male shirt he really wanted. She added nothing to the ticket that the Republicans didn’t already have sewn up, the white trash vote, the demographic that sullies America’s name inside and outside its borders yet has such a curious appeal for the right.

Oh she is a treat, isn’t she?  I can just see the dust billowing up around her in her chair as her grannie panties get all tied up in a knot and disturb the sand firmly lodged in her twat.  I am assuming she is associating the white trash vote with everyone who makes less than 20 million a year and votes Republican. Oh how difficult it must be in her little world to have to watch such things.  You will have to pardon me if I carry on with the sullying for a bit, Heather Sweetie…

It’s possible that Republican men, sexual inadequates that they are, really believe that women will vote for a woman just because she’s a woman. They’re unfamiliar with our true natures.

Oh sweetie, you have obviously never had sex with a republican man.  Hell, you are in Toronto; an argument can be made you have never had sex with a man in possession of his own testicles before, so you should branch out.  I am sure there are a few white trash political types who are capable of drinking enough beer, scotch, and formaldehyde on the rocks to actually fuck you.  I could write a book about the sexual ADEQUATENESS of Republican men… I am demure enough.

Do they think vaginas call out to each other in the jungle night?

I am sure yours gives a nice guttural belch from time to time, darlin’... just sayin’.

I mean, I know men have their secret meetings at which they pledge to do manly things, like being irresponsible with their semen and postponing household repairs with glue and used matches. Guys will be guys, obviously.

I love the whole irresponsible with their semen line.  I always hear this from feminists which makes it extra rich.  Because you know, women are not at all responsible for their eggs and ovaries, oh no.  Every woman in this country with an unwanted pregnancy is a victim, people!  Rogue sperm conspiring to keep a bitch down.  Fight the power!  Obviously she has chosen to fight the power by being utterly repugnant.

But do they not know that women have been trained to resent other women and that they only learn to suppress this by constantly berating themselves and reading columns like this one? I’m a feminist who understands that women can nurse terrible and delicate woman hatred.

Hahahaha oh shit, that is fucking precious.  I should probably admit here that I have very few women friends, but that has nothing to do with resenting other women.  It has to do with not subscribing to the travel in a pack mentality and the pretty obvious fact I think people are idiots until proven otherwise.

Heather, just for the record… I have never berated myself for my dislike of whiny ass women (and men) and the only net effect of reading your column today has been an evolution of my terrible delicate hatred of women to a near vomit inducing hatred for both feminist bitches and Canadians.  Thanks for that, sweetie.  (Quickly, I need someone with a spine and a sack from Canada to remind me there are actual Men and Women in that country.  I think you guys are all in the west, so drop me a line.)

John Doyle, the cleverest critic in Canada, comes right out and calls Palin an Alaska hillbilly. Damn his eyes, I wish I’d had the wit to come up with it first.

Yes, that John Doyle is a clever bastard indeed.  Because associating someone from rural America as a hillbilly is such a new chic way of insulting them.  (God I hate Canadians and their pseudo intellectual, self congratulatory bullshit.)

It’s safer than “white trash” but I’ll pluck safety out of the nettle danger. Or something.

A unique concept that for a Canadian, plucking safety out of danger.  They piss on the USA while sitting safely to the north of us in what constitutes the largest state in the union.  Must be nice to ridicule the country who allows you this little EuroAsshole mentality of yours all the while you sit confidently in your overtaxed, socialist country secure in the knowledge your two boats and super badass military are going to protect you.  Oh wait, something about that isn’t right…  That would be my badass military protecting you by virtue of being to your fucking south.  Do not start me on the fact it would take ten minutes to march over the entire eastern half of Canada accepting surrender left and right in exchange for fair taxation and real health care.  I would leave the west alone, I have met some good folks from that part of Canada and trust they can figure it out for themselves once released from the chains of the elitist leftist socialist asshats making laws on their behalf.  /end screed off topic.

Palin has a toned-down version of the porn actress look favoured by this decade’s woman, the overtreated hair, puffy lips and permanently alarmed expression.

Here we go, to the heart of what makes feminists hate Sarah so much.  The bitch has the gall to be pretty!  So we will do a side by side comparison and I will let you folks judge…

Hell I do not even like that shot of Sarah because I think she looks better in the millions of candid shots you see, but for the sake of fairness I will compare publicity headshot to publicity headshot.  I am a fair girl… oh yeah, and fucking Demure as well.

Heather in all her preciousness goes on for a good long while mocking the appearance of Sarah before she wipes the foam from the corners of her mouth and moves on.  To her mothering skills…

I know that I have an attachment to children that verges on the irrational, but why don’t the Palins? I’m not the one preaching homespun values but I’d destroy that ratboy before I’d let him get within scenting range of my daughter again, and so would you. Palin’s e-mails about the brother-in-law she tried to get fired as a state trooper are fizzing with rage and revenge. Turn your guns on Levi, ma’am.

First, you would only begin your destruction of Ratboy after getting your daughter a nice quick abortion at the state’s expense like most of your particular variety of female.  But that is neither here nor there…  Second, everyone knows there is no such thing as a male who father’s his children.  At least not a redneck one.  Oh no.  You have already established above that men have no control over their seed disbursement and beyond that no concern for where it ends up.  I know that children born to unwed mothers with no father in the picture are infinitely better off than those whose parents actually marry and certainly more fortunate than if the spooger of said seed actually attempts to father his offspring.  Perish the fucking thought.

Just a note about Miss Mallick as according to her “bio” : Marital status: Yes, very much so, with two stepdaughters. Has she ever actually given birth?  Seriously, there are plenty of women who choose not to breed for whatever reason and I can respect that, especially in her case, but to sit in judgment on someone else’s parenting skills when you have not raised a child is a tad too much for me.  We can all call foul on obvious misdeeds, but how a family deals with their adult age daughter’s pregnancy is a bit of a stretch for anyone to comment on, much less a woman who has mothered no one other than stepdaughters.  I could be wrong.  Maybe she raised his kids for him. In which case that is an even bigger shame on you for not getting the fact it isn’t as simple as slapping a chastity belt on your daughter.

I did promise to watch the entire convention so you wouldn’t have to, but I discovered a neat trick. I switched between the convention and the 2003 folk music mockumentary A Mighty Wind on Bravo.

They were indistinguishable. Click on a nervous wreck with deeply strange hair doing a monologue on society today and where it all went wrong. Are you watching Christian belter Aaron Tippin singing Where the Stars and Stripes and Eagle Fly in the Xcel Centre in St. Paul or the actors from Spinal Tap remixing the 1966 version of Potato’s in the Paddy Wagon?

So that makes three people who actually sat through that film and I think that is suppose to make her look artsy and intelligent or some such shit.  I love a good bit of bitter female prose with my morning coffee, I confess.  (Now if she had said, Best in Show I might have actually gotten a little soft spot in my heart for her. I love that movie.)

The conventioneers are nothing like the rich men who run the party, and that’s the mystery of the hick vote. They’d be much better served by the Democrats. I know Thomas Frank answered this in What’s the Matter with Kansas?; I know that red states vote Republican on social issues to give themselves the only self-esteem available to their broken, economically abused existence.

Hahaha, Dear God in heaven… I have no words to make that any better than it is.  In fact I might have gotten a little coffee in my sinus.  Funny shit this…

But surely they know Barack Obama is not planning to finish off the ordinary hillbilly when he adjusts tax rates. He’s going to raise taxes on the top 2% of Americans and that doesn’t include anyone at the convention beyond the Bushes and McCains and random party management. So why cheer Palin when she claims otherwise?

I do not think households with 200k a year or less (depending on which Obama you get on any given day) are in the top 2%.  Just sayin’...

Is it racism? I’m told that it is, although I find racism so appalling that I have difficulty identifying it. It is more likely the dearly held Republican notion that any American can become violently rich, as rich as those hedge funders in Greenwich, Conn., who buy $40-million mansions unseen and have their topiary shaped in the form of musical notes.

Bitter over taxed Canadian and typical in that the answer to her issues is not reform in her piss hole tax hell, but mocking my country.  Yes, that’s the ticket!

When Palin and Rudy Giuliani sneered at Obama’s years of “community organizing” — they said it like “rectal fissure” — the audience ewww-ed with them.

Hahahah points for use of rectal fissure and nailing the sentiment.  Because I know I think of oozing assholes when I think of Obama and the whole concept of ‘community organizers’.  She got one right!

Republicans dream of a personal future that involves only household staff, not equals who need to be persuaded to vote.

Ask the household staff of a few Liberals how they are treated, Sweet Cheeks.  Hell, ask the housekeeping staff at the Denver Hotels.  I doubt there was a gratuity given anywhere; just a bunch of used condoms tossed on the carpet, Vitawater bottles on the balcony,  and some granola wrappers shoved in the corners.

Think, Heather, think like a Republican! The Skeptics, shall I call them, are my base, and I’ll pander to them as ardently as the Republican patriarchs tease their white female marginals.

I wonder when my husband will be home.  I need to be teased by a Republican patriarch… vigorously.  Then he needs to go bake me some fucking brownies!

That is pretty much it for the article.  Go see for yourself if you think I left anything pertinent out…