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On The Agenda Today:
I am setting up a Sharepoint Sandbox and by “I” that means my husband is doing the tedious part of setting of the vmware, server shit, and actually installing things. I am just going to play and by play I mean force custom data views and workflows into submission.
While I wait for all the actual work to be done, I have been giving great thought as to who will be in my cabinet when I am annointed Supreme Rule of America.
Secretaries:
Press Secretary: Me... no one gets to tell the press to fuck off unless I have had the opportunity to do it first. When i get bored with them I will pass ‘em over to Plebian so he can confuse them with clever metaphors about my policy in relation to his last family vacation and DIY projects.
Education: Momotrips. Why? Because she is bitchy like me but can probably hold off strangling teachers longer than I can. Also I feel certain she knows what I would do and would beat the entrenched teachers union into bloody mush.
Attorney General: Ann Coulter because she is The Shit and it would piss everyone off. Plus, we need a female AG to erase the memory of Janet Reno.
Propaganda: Sobek, of course…
Chief of Staff: Ace just because his sole duty will be making top ten lists which reflect my mood. I miss the top tens. Also, I can force him to get a freakin’ new blog design.
To be continued…
UPDATE:
Secretary of Killing Shit: Dave in Texas... because he volunteered and he amuses me.
14 Responses so far
October 19th, 2008
1:40 pm
some people just need em some killin.
also I find it interesting that one of my spam words it “talents”.
October 19th, 2008
4:34 pm
Jen,
The simple fact that you know nothing about me and that I have dealings with some pretty shady characters, practically demands that I be given high office.
The “Minister of Tearing Shit Apart” has a nice ring to it. Among my duties, will be going from government agency to agency and saying, “pack your crap the ride is over!”
October 19th, 2008
5:21 pm
I shall take that under advisment Hongqi…. tell me more about these shady characters. Are the ill tempered? Will they make you better at your job as Minister of Tearing Shit Apart?
October 19th, 2008
5:55 pm
Oh, extremely ill-tempered curs…
However, my main qualification for this position is my total lack of experience. None. Zero. Nada.
With this type of resume, the democratic party has my phone ringing off the hook.
October 19th, 2008
6:32 pm
Your hired as Vice Ruler, because it will make people more secure. Total lack of experience seems to be, as you note, the single more important qualifying fact. Welcome to my world!
October 19th, 2008
9:51 pm
I want to be in charge of “The Department of Slapping The Shit Out of Someone”. Here are the rules of engagement. Every qualified (as you defined it) person gets to put one name on the list. Each day me and my department staff would travel around the country just to slap the shit out of someone on the list. Jen, as Pres, gets to nominate one per a week as part of the “Fuknuts Executive Order”.
If this doesn’t get the response desired by the voter we bump it up to Dave and his Dept. Of Killing Shit.
October 19th, 2008
10:22 pm
Ok, and where do I fit into this Cabinet? Slappin folks and killin shit has been taken. I’d take the Secretary of bouncing-the-illegals-straight-the-fuck-outta-here position in a heartbeat..
October 19th, 2008
10:35 pm
As the newest member of your cabinet, introductions are in order. I will try my best to mirror my overlordess:
1. I am a child of the South. Why anyone would be born anywhere else is beyond me.
2. I am a Soldier, first, last and always.
3. Seeing the US flag still fills my heart with joy.
4. Happiest word in the world is “daddy” for whatever damn reason she calls me. (Bad dreams are the best, apparently I cure those.)
5. Books: Enders Game, Robots, Stainless-Steel Rat. Of course Vampire Porn sounds HOT!
6. Heros: My dad, mother, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles and the founding fathers.
7. Damn skippy, beer and BBQ are the signs of a true patriot. Prove me wrong!
8. Agreed: Ann Coulter has a tongue like a stiletto…you never feel the pain.
9. Why all science isn’t dedicated to bringing back Ronald Reagan and Barry Goldwater from the dead is a totally fucking mystery to me!
10. The fact that we haven’t gone to war with the UN is a total oversight. Rock on Mr. Bolton!
Your humble servant,
Minister of Tearing Shit Apart
October 19th, 2008
11:04 pm
Jen, I’m so honored!
One of my kids’ teachers this year is my niece’s best friend (a family friend). She told me she was terrified that my kid was in her class! I am ALWAYS nice to the teachers and I bribe the shit out of them when need be (I give great teacher gifts and always arrive with foo-foo coffee for meetings, parties and field trips…). I was puzzled by her fear of me. She said that she really wanted to make me happy because I am pretty intimidating, but always in a nice way. Wow, what have I done and what have they said about me the last five years? Hmm. Come to think of it, no one had ever fucked with me on a job either. Well, once when I was young and stupid and once when I wasn’t,but he ended up damn sorry he opened his big mouth. Heh.
So with great honor, I accept the cabinet position – and I’ll bring the foo-foo coffee.
(Dave got the REALLY fun job.)
October 20th, 2008
10:49 am
I hope this doesn’t cause you to upchuck lunch but since you’re taking applications for cabinet positions in your administration, I thought you’d like to read about Obama’s possible cabinet heads: http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2008/10/021822.php
October 20th, 2008
3:00 pm
Dave got the REALLY fun job.
I’m not only amusing, I am a shameless opportunist.
October 20th, 2008
3:04 pm
Yet I laugh at you all the time… that is amusing.
October 20th, 2008
4:49 pm
I believe that when you tell someone to go to hell, it should be so pleasant that they look forward to the trip.
October 20th, 2008
4:55 pm
That, Plebian… is why I have such faith in you.
Btw my captch words are romantic and jiz …
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