Dan on Earth Hour 2009: Ten ways You Can All Do Your Part, You Freakin’ Gaia Haters.
- Rent a Hummer H1 and empty the gas tank by driving around in town for an hour and making certain to rev your engine at all stop lights. Bonus Points for running over a Prius.
- Buy as many cans of aquanet hairspray as you can find and spend the hour emptying them into the atmosphere.
- Gather the items from your plastics recycle bin and set them on fire!
- Go to the grocery store and buy as many easy mac bowl lunches, convenience packed type stuff you can to pack the landfill this week. I have already done this. I am pro-active.
- Clear cut an acre of trees. Hell just start a bonfire.
- simultaneously run the dishwasher, washing machine, all your showers, and fill all your tubs. I am doing this in the hope of killing off the last of those fucking salamanders I pay a fee to keep alive in Edward’s Aquafer on my water bill.
- via Alice_H… If she were going to be home she says, “I would turn on everything in the house and time it to blow the breakers at exactly the end of the hour” Damn fine idea that.
- Punch a hippy.
- Gather all your neighbor’s bbq pits and fill em with charcoal briquettes and light em up! Bonus points for actually grilling enough meat to constitute a cow aka “one of God’s innocent creature you murdered.”
- Turn your A/C or Heater up/down all the way and open all your windows and doors!
Let me know how it goes.
15 Responses so far
March 28th, 2009
2:36 pm
I have a two story house with different ac/heating units. I plan on running the heat on the first floor and cooling it down with the ac upstairs. I also plan on turning every light in the house on and maybe running my car in the garage. DIshwasher and a couple of loads in the washer/dryer might be fun as well.
March 28th, 2009
2:46 pm
that’s the spirit!!!
March 28th, 2009
3:03 pm
I’m currently staying in a chic hotel on someone else’s dime. I just turned on every light in my room and lowered the thermostat to 62. I’d go lower, but shit, I don’t want to freeze. I’ll leave them on even after I go out.
I’ll see if I can find any hippies to punch out tonight.
March 28th, 2009
3:52 pm
[...] Demure Jen and her post about Earth Hour [...]
March 28th, 2009
5:21 pm
I live in NYC and my wife, because of her job, lives in North Carolina. I am in the middle of moving from one apartment to another at the moment, so technically we have 3 apartments.
The two NYC apartments have the ability to run heat and AC at the same time. Tonight, they shall.
The NC apartment has a washer, dryer, and dishwasher, two bathrooms, and a lot of lights. Tonight, they’re going to be churnin’ like mad.
And I have an nVidia 9800gtx. When that puppy gets going, that American Indian guy who teared up in those commercials in the 60’s and 70’s rolls over in his grave and tears up again. I bet his tears taste so sweet! Might just have to have to run Crysis on max settings for an hour, just to make sure I’m doing my part. Don’t want to be labeled a slacker….
March 28th, 2009
5:57 pm
6 TVs , 4 Computers, 3 Printers, 5 Bedrooms (all lights on) 4 bathrooms (lights and fans on). Front porch lights, back deck lights, garage lights, back yard lights, A/c, Heat (upstairs and downstairs). What else can I do ??
March 28th, 2009
6:11 pm
I think it’s about time to run my electric oven’s “self-clean” cycle. You know—the one that runs it up to about 900 degrees to burn up all the junk at the bottom?
Yeah, I think this evening around 8:30 would be a great time to get to that…
March 28th, 2009
6:14 pm
4 a/cs all on high, washer – on, dryer – on, dishwasher -on, leave wife’s bemer idling in the drive way – nope, eldest kid is 15 and it wouldn’t stay there, three computers - on.
Calling kid from the resturaunt and telling him that I want to see our house lit up like a Christmas tree from 3 miles away. If he does it, I’ll let him lauch bottle rockets throughout the hour. He’d do it anyway, I’ve raised him right, but adding a bit of carbon monoxide and sulfur dioxide from the black powder into the atmosphere is just an added bonus.
Jest doin’ my part.
March 28th, 2009
6:47 pm
I’ve got to wonder if any of these plans will use as much electricity in one hour as normally used up in one hour in the Gore mansion.
March 28th, 2009
6:49 pm
No Hummer here, just a big ol’ Suburban V8.
We’re gonna run down to the Burger King (flame-broiled, dontcha know) and get a bunch of ecology-hostile cow-flesh—take-out, of course.
While we’re doing that, we’ll cruise-by the local Wally-World and buy a couple 500-round ricks of cheap 22LR and see if they have any deals on 12GA/20GA. Every time you buy a box of ammunition, somewhere a hippy dies. ;-)
I think that we’ll also steal Canuck’s idea for the self-cleaning cycle “immolate” on the oven. We just did this a few weeks ago, but that makes it all the sweeter.
March 28th, 2009
6:50 pm
Don’t waste all those cans of hairspray on the atmosphere. Take a match to some of them and roast a few endangered insects.
March 28th, 2009
7:05 pm
Two words: Tire. Fire. (check your local listings for how far/fast you should run after lighting, but in some locals it was recently legal to burn one or two tires on a brushpile.)
March 28th, 2009
7:28 pm
AC, on. Auxillary heat. on. Windows. Open. Grille, lit.
And now to fire up the propane and heat the pool.
March 28th, 2009
11:43 pm
Proud to have done my best:
Started first of 3 loads of laundry @ 8:15. Washer ran 3 loads withing the HOUR. Dryer got 2.
10×100 light strings of RED lights illuminated my property line and bushes.
All lights and Electronics on.
Heat on to 75
Cooked a late dinner in the BROILER
Oh watt fun it was!!!!
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can still read it in English, you’re welcome.
Deskpilot, AH(H)1 (AW), USN
March 30th, 2009
10:26 am
Started up my Jag, has a modified 94 Corvette Lt1. No mufflers just resonators, pollution plus noise pollution.
Then drove my 79 Corvette, fast! Repeat as necessary.
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