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Ten Things I Just Cannot Muster The Energy to Give a Rat’s Ass About…
Here it goes..
- The Office: I have tried to watch this. It sucks. NEXT!
- Global Climate Change: Look, you can tell me we have polluted the planet and i will agree. you can tell me we have probably done some shitty things to the wilderness and I will agree. But please do stop telling me Carbon Dioxide is a bad thing. I swear to you now, if Prince Fuknut would just stop talking for a week and Al Gore were permanently ball gagged CO2 emissions would drop DRAMATICALLY.
- Gay Marriage: Seriously, the world is going to shit and we are worried about this? Here is the deal. When the terrorists are all dead and we are no longer at war as well as when we somehow manages to survive Prince Fuknut’s economic exsanguination of the world’s most important country, THEN…maybe I will give a rat’s ass about this. Sorry guys. I am not trying to piss anyone off here, but there is a goddamn bigger picture. If it was up to me I would just outlaw marriage and say fuck everyone. Now we are all equal. We are all fucked. Welcome to the world of political correctness. Business contracts replace marriage, how about that?
- The survival of the US auto industry. Fuck ‘em. We have been putting the paddles to the chest of this dead body for fucking 50 years. Let it go. Funny how the left wants to unplug every comotose patient in the world, but cannot seem to let this rotting corpse go.
- Wearing comfortable shoes. Seriously, comfortable shoes are for the weak and the aged.
- Who wins Survivor
- Mint chocolate cihp ice cream. Ewww. Wtf is up with this flavor. EVERYONE loves it. You know what it tastes like? Mylanta. It fucking tastes like MYLANTA!
- I do not give a shit if your own stupid actions rendered you unable to pay your mortgage. Grow the fuck up. I do not owe you anything, least of all a subsidized mortgage.
- I do not give a shit if you are an Atheist . In fact, no one gives a shit except other Atheists. Now there are some of my fellow believers who believe they can help you see the light. That said, most of us, we do not give a fuck. However, if you Atheists out there could tone down the elitist bullshit I would appreciate it. You do not believe, ok.. thanks. I will make a note of that. But guess what? If you sneeze I am wired to say, “God bless you” why? because I was taught that was a polite thing to say and I believe being polite is fucking important, more important than your pissy attitude about being blessed. So basically… fuck off.
20 Responses so far
May 12th, 2009
9:17 pm
mint chocolate chip is vile.
May 13th, 2009
1:58 am
you fucking rock…..
please don’t ever change.
red
May 13th, 2009
2:53 am
#3: I’m still figuring out which side is expending more energy on the endeavor, though. Besides, I encourage Congress to debate gay marriage every day. They spend less money that way. I’m completely with you on getting government out of the whole thing.
#8: I’ve always hated chocolate mint. Those flavors just don’t go together. Not like chocolate and peanut butter do. Yum.
#10: I’ll stop being elitist as soon as people stop coming up to me and evangelizing. But on a serious note, I think you’re seeing the end results of decades of feeling peer-pressured by the majority to keep our mouths shut and just go along. Then the internet came along and we realized we weren’t alone. Some of my colleagues are overcompensating for the lost time. And I’m still wired to say “Bless you,” although I have no idea who I’m expecting to do the blessing. Nor am I really sure who I’m thanking at Thanksgiving. Some habits die hard.
May 13th, 2009
2:58 am
As an agnostic, and former atheist (but Hey, how would I know?), I feel that the proper response to “God bless you!” is “Thank you.”
Good manners cost nothing, and even if they did, they’d be worth the price.
May 13th, 2009
6:27 am
1,2 Agree
3 – in reality I don’t care. Have a sibling who is in such a relationship. They have two kids. They are a good couple and care for their children. She’s asked me about my position and I replied:
“I want to live in a country where you can choose to live however you want with whomever you want. I also think the local church should have the right to express their opinion against you and be able to picket your business because they don’t like your lifestyle. If you felt threatened you could have a restraining order or if they trespassed you could forcibly evict them—maybe even with encouragement from your legally concealed firearm. I want to live in a country where all of the above could happen and everyone was within their legal rights.”
4. I’m a geek for a living. I don’t get it either. I don’t My Space, Tweet or any of the other so called “social networking” sites that claim to be the new thing. They are not. It’s Usenet with pictures.
5. Ditto
6. Agree. Women just plain look sexier in heels. Don’t hate me for it. I embrace my pigness.
7. I’ve never watched it.
8. neutral. don’t love it, don’t hate it.
9. Ditto
10. Born again agnostic here. I can accept some sort of higher intelligence I just don’t think it gives a shit about us.
May 13th, 2009
7:58 am
amen sister!
May 13th, 2009
3:13 pm
1. Ricky Gervais’ The Office may just be the best tv show ever produced. The US version does indeed suck.
2., 3.,4. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
5. While I oppose bailouts, being from MI, I’d like to see it survive.
6. Never understood the calf fetish thing so I’ll never understand a girls love for heels. But then I never understood Chinese foot binding either.
7. Is that show still on? I thought it was done after the gay guy, (I resent not being able to use the term fag there) won.
8. There are worse flavors http://www.who-sucks.com/food/101-frightening-ice-cream-flavors-from-around-the-world
9. No bailouts for ANYONE
10. Athiests are God’s jesters.
May 13th, 2009
4:14 pm
God, I thought I was the only one who hated The Office.
May 13th, 2009
7:36 pm
Instead of saying “God bless you,” I say “you’re sooooo good looking” a la Seinfeld.
Folks, there is much wisdom in Seinfeld. Watch it. Learn it. Live it.
May 14th, 2009
1:52 pm
I like the idea of abolishing state sanctioned marriages in favor of domestic contracts. Leave marriages to the church. Problem solved.
I’m so glad there are Others who don’t like the Office and Survivor.
May 14th, 2009
10:59 pm
Thought I might care about the the polar bear and the caribou but as it turns out, I don’t.
Then my mind goes, Turducken (turkey stuffed with a duck and then a chicken)!
So…Polibou! I would so stuff a freakin’ caribou inside a polar bear and pour gravy on top.
Fuck you, I’m a people person!
May 16th, 2009
8:37 pm
This is stinkin’ hilarious. My two-cents:
The Office: I don’t get it either.
Global Climate Change: what? I thought it was global WARMING? Or wait … weren’t we due for an ice age about 30 years ago … or, even if there IS global warming, it could cause snow storms in June … hmmm.. yeah, I’m w/you, F-U Algore.
Gay Marriage: yep, we’ve got more important things to worry about, but hey if gays want to marry and pay more taxes, let ‘em, maybe then I can pay less.
Facebook—strangely, I’ve taken to this, it’s the only chance I get to talk to friends!
The survival of the US auto industry. Fuck ‘em. AMEN SISTER. Unions have dug their graves, let ‘em lie in ‘em.
Heels and platforms are the best. I’ll add to this: I don’t give a rat’s ass that ppl think since I’m 6’ tall, I shouldn’t wear ‘em!
Who wins Survivor—never watched one season and the whole concept of trying to screw one another over while everyone’s starving w/out showers and toilets is quite beyond me.
yep, I don’t get mint chocolate cihp ice cream, either! I also don’t get Ben & Jerry’s but that may be because I really don’t care to read a political diatribe on the package of my junk food.
Subsidized mortgages—- YOU SAID IT!!! I work for a bank and I could NOT agree with you more. I’m sick of ppl blaming their ignorance and/or greed on everyone else.
I do not give a shit if you are an Atheist . —YEP, if I can’t say “God” in public, you can’t crow about how enlightened you are about your lack of belief in anything bigger than yourself.
May 16th, 2009
8:57 pm
Another Jennifer,
I am with you. Even i was 6’ tall, which is am Sooo not. 5’3 depending on my hair, I would wear four inch heels anyway.
Amen as well to the Ben & Jerry’s. I refuse to give them my money. My ice cream should never be political.
Thanks for visiting!
May 16th, 2009
9:46 pm
You may not like Facebook. however, I am constantly posting articles from your website for my friends. you are getting quite a fan club. They are in love with your shoe pictorials. I posted one shoe pictorial and all the women immediately became huge fans. you rock!
May 18th, 2009
1:25 pm
I can’t believe that you are not using this whole Pelosi, CIA thing to rant on about Nancy Pants and call her hilariously hateful, obscene names. Are you feeling okay? I await your scathing commentary.
May 18th, 2009
1:46 pm
work has been INSANE. I shall weigh in soon. The cryptkeeper does need commentary
May 31st, 2009
12:57 pm
Want to help the U.S. Auto Industry? It’s very easy, get rid of the UAW.
July 8th, 2009
8:37 pm
you are a terrible person :(
May 18th, 2010
10:10 pm
Hrm… I actually came here from facebook so don’t know why you are dissing it. Most that don’t like it are either a) too busy to use it or b) don’t have enough friends on facebook to understand how useful it is. Comfortable shoes are so important to me, can’t even relate to why you have that on the list. Shoes are so not important in my life. Lastly, not to judge or be ugly but you are polite? I know it’s a rant or something, but ending the list the way you did doesn’t really seem to back that up. Just saying.
March 28th, 2012
10:15 pm
W00t! W00t! Jen, you are hilarious and I think I love you! Prince Fuknut?! That’s even better than the many names we call him!
Honestly, I did not know there was anyone else in the world besides me and hubby who cannot stand Obama.
Yeah, and Facebook, too. I hate Facebook.
Keep writing, because I’ll keep coming back to read it :)
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