TDFU: Time is Money, Bitches

By jen

What a fucking day.  People in general piss me off, but today it has been from the fucking beginning to the end.  First I was in fucking traffic from hell this morning.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  You have five fucking lanes and there is always one mother fucker who is all the way to the left and has to exit on the right.  To compound this fucking insanity he has been on the highway for MILES and the sign for the goddamn exit was MILES back and every goddamn quarter mile in between.  Are you fucking assholes brain damaged or are you just so fucking self centered that you do not give a shit?  I say the latter.  Fuck YOU.

Thought I had my childcare situation figured out last week.  Oh yes we have your girls enrolled in the after school program, not a problem!  Just go  online and pay the fees etc.  Of course I get to the fucking site and I can only pay for one.  This morning I call back and they say, “Hmmm you are on the waiting list and we are overbooked so it will probably not happen.”  Oh fuck you.  After twenty minutes of my screaming that they were total pieces of shit who need to train their people how to read a fucking list and basically telling them that I hope they all get festering boils on their face I hung up on them.  I have made some arrangements and my boss is The Shit and will let me do a bit of remote work in the afternoons until I get it straight, but still.. FUCK YOU.  “We are really sorry for the confusion, ma’am”  she says in a soothing voice, she is probably one of those “feelings or intuitives” by the sound of her fucking voice.  “Confusion?  There was no confusion, sweetie.  I specifically asked three times to make certain they were not on the waiting list and was confirmed you stupid fucking cunt.”

See this is all about time management and being considerate of others and that has been fucking nonexistent in my day today.  NONE.  I am a busy girl.  I have shit to do, hell I have enough work for three people and I fucking hate lateness.  I fucking loathe it.  If I agree to a time and I am able to show up then your fucking ass needs to be there.  I will even give you ten minutes, but beyond that you are not dealing with the same person that would have been at the appointment if you had made it on time.  You reap what you sow, bitches.  If you want nice agreeable Jen then I would suggest you fucking respect my time.  Just fucking give me a heads up if you are going to be late, that is all I ask.

When it is the end of my official workday and you tell me you need something done and I am gracious enough to do it and you say you will have it to me in ten minutes because it will take about an hour to do I am fucking expecting you to do it in ten fucking minutes.  I am not expecting 20 or 30 and I am damn sure not expecting 1.5 hours.  EAT ME!  Needless to say I was not on the road home until after five and do I need to tell you what sort of mood I am in now?  I think fucking not.

To ice this fucking cake of a workday I am damn near home and in the far right TURN ONLY lane thinking to myself, “yay!  almost home!”  and this fucking cow bitch cunt is in the turn only lane and stopped at the green light.  Why?  Because she doesn’t want to fucking turn.  You fucking piece of shit bitch.  I was sitting on my horn screaming with the window down wanting nothing more than to be driving a hummer so I could roll over her fucking Prius.  Incidentally everyone else behind me waiting to turn; about twenty fucking cars, is doing the same thing.  She was like all flustered and not sure what to do.  You know what you do, bitch? YOU FUCKING TURN!  There is a goddamn street 100 yards down that road that will take you left and back to the goddamn street you wanted to be on anyway! It is probably fucking faster than what you were doing at the light.  I. HATE. YOU.

On that note…

Sixth Rule of my Reign as Supreme Ruler of the United States: Being in the wrong fucking lane when you had four fucking miles to get in the proper one is a goddamn felony.  If you happen to be in front of me, it is a capital crime.

Seventh Rule: If you are late for a meeting with Jennifer or on a deliverable then you will be immediately fined $5,000 dollars and shall be stabbed in the hand with my pen.

Eighth Rule: Any tax increase passed by congress only applies to the constituents of the congress members who voted it into law.  This will get the Texas Dems in line and a whole hell of a lot more.  Amazing what fucking accountability does for people, isn’t it?  Fuck you.

Ninth Rule: All American Based companies which have a customer support call center MUST have Americans with normal AMERICAN accents working the phones.  I do not give a rat’s fucking ass if you can do the same work for 1/100th of the cost.  I am already paying you bitches too much for my service so suck it the fuck up.