Klingon Fashion 2009…Haute Absurd

By jen

Redc1c4 inspired me in comments.  I haven’t done a fashion post in a very long time and while I often mock silly  fashion I am usually utterly thrilled with the chaos of it.  It isn’t so much that everything she wears is ugly, because it isn’t.  The problem?  It is almost always inappropriate.  The irony this elitist with a high power job prior to being First Ballbuster cannot seem to grasp simple fashion taste is not lost on me.  Doesn’t the left pride themselves on being hip and chic?  I mean Hollywood practically wets its collective knickers when this broad walks into a room with her gigantic forehead but they cannot seem to send her a good stylist?  I call racism!  They are just trying to keep a sistah down!

So a question:  If you were invited to a Medal of Honor ceremony, what would you wear?  Would the fact the young man being honored had passed in the line of duty?  I dare say you wouldn’t go to the fucking closet and pick up a bright floral frock and toss on some green flats, dangling earrings and head out the fucking door!   But you, my friends, are not a Klingon War Bride.  You do not gnaw on testicles for sport.  If you were and if you did, you would wear a fucking dress that looked like a bad tablecloth and some spiffy green shoes and you would DARE anyone to question you!

It is obvious that the need to match her husband’s red tie was taken to the extreme.  ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.  She looks like she is ready to walk the Red Carpet at a freaking movie premiere!  And what the fuck it up with the green shoes.   What kind of woman passes up an opportunity to wear red shoes?  I will tell you what kind of woman!  A very bad woman.  Red shoes are the very epitome of awesomeness and you should be punished severely for failing to wear them at every available opportunity. Apparently there is an entire website out there that follows her fashion fabulousness! This is how they commented on the dress:

For the occasion, Mrs. O debuted a new floral frock in a bold, red rose print, accessorized with green kitten heels and chandelier earrings.

It sounds like she is ready to go to a damn luncheon with her girlfriends not a somber occasion which should be treated with enough respect to not arrive wearing a giant “look at me dress!”  but then we all know it is all about looking at them.  Fucking green shoes.  I just cannot get over the green shoes.  I think it is a political statement!  The green shoes are a subliminal message.  “Stop sending all the “green” to fund a  war!  Fund Universal Healthcare and this sort of pesky military nonsense will not be necessary anymore!”

It would be a painfully bad choice on most days, on this day it is just illustrates how totally fucking shameless and clueless these dolts are about what this ceremony means.  Why would they?  The ceremony represents everything they despise about America.  I doubt Michelle was feeling very proud to be an American this day.  You know, it was something she had to endure as First Frau.  Ugh.

Worst part, while the woman has a frightening face, she is tall and shapely and could look fantastic if she just hired the right Gay to dress her.   Just put the dress in the closet, Michelle and save it for when Jimmy Carter finally kicks the bucket.  This dress would be wildly appropriate for that occasion;  add a hat and some bling while you’re at it.

This is not a first offense for our super toned war bride.  Have you forgotten her outfit when she went to meet the Pope?

What the hell is that?  Benedict looks terrified and I think he is mouthing Hail Mary’s as fast as he can.  I think that was the point! Terrorize the old German.   I get the mantilla but the black dress or whatever that is?  She looks like some mourning peasant woman from a scene in the Godfather!

Other fine moments in Klingon Couture…

Obviously she was using Miley Sirus as a stylist this day.  I take that back, Miley’s stuff at WalMart is far more fashionable than this.   She looks like she was attacked by the trim aisle at Hobby Lobby!  Honey TWO sweaters only makes it worse.  I do not get it.

WTF!  Who wear vomit colored clothing?  Worse than that, what the fuck is up with the jacket?  Is this a Home Ec project from one of her kids?  Nah, they usually look pretty darn cute. I am telling you, her stylists are fucking with her and I thank them for it.  I can blog about this forevah!

The infamous trip to feed the poor in her $540 buck sneakers.  Forget the hoopla about her daring to wear $540 shoes to a soup kitchen.  Really?  Do you expect her to hit payless before the trip?  Oh no.. the tragedy here is that they are just fucking ugly!  This is the height of fucking style if you are a 5th grader!  Trust me, I have a 5th grader and she would totally love these and I would totally not buy them, even at Payless on a BoGo sale.  They make her look like a flatfooted Sasquatch for fuck’s sake.

This is the outfit she wore to the anointing of The Wise Latina!  Or so the caption said.  Seriously, Michelle… stop using the Disney Channel as a source of fashion tips!  Thing is, I have seen her look good.  Simple clothes in solid colors and she looks very sophisticated.  She is blessed with height which she totally squanders with a fucking obsessive need to wear flats.  I doubt her husband has enough influence over her to make her wear flats to avoid being taller than him.  Can she just not walk in heels?  Is she afraid of giving Nancy Pelosi a view up her nostrils by wearing 4 inch stilettos?  I have an unwavering love of high heels and I could be 5’10 and I would still wear them!  You obviously have designers throwing clothes at you, Michelle.  For goodness sakes do us all a favor and take the Jimmy Choos and the Manolos.   Maybe she is is afraid of showing her Klingon Battle Talons?

Get a new Gay and get some fucking high heels woman!