Dec

27

Estrogen Loaded Musings…

By jen

You know, there is this joke that talks about the downside of a woman president would be that she would be totally insane for 7-10 days out of the month because of PMS and her period.  It is a good giggle and all sorts of funnies come to mind.  That said, I feel I could make the world a better place during my monthly estrogen induced rage phases.  Take for instance this whole terrorist attempt on Christmas Day. 

Imagine me, as president… yeah Iknow… try hard.  I am enjoying my family day with the girls and whatnot in some fabulous location, not fucking Hawaii, and I get a call, hopefully sooner than 3 hours after it happens, that says, “Yo, Oh Exalted Demure One and Leader of the Free World, some ass fuck tried to blow up a plane bound for US soil with some device he picked up in Yemen!  AQ is behind this.  Just wanted you to know, ma’am.” 

Imagine now that I am in my current state of estrogen induced delightfulness and you get something like this… “Get all the important fuckers in the room or on the horn and I will be there in a few, this gives me the ass!  I was about to eat my oyster dressing and I have to deal with this fucing shit.” 

I would of course have to get out of my flannel PJs, which would cause further deterioration of my mood, and dress appropriately to meet with the important fuckers.  I am thinking something black and severe, but with some fucking wicked hot 4 inch red stilletos that scream, I could totally punctuate your trachea with this if i were so inclined.  I would head over to wherever the fuck I had the important fuckers waiting with “that look” that makes my kids run for the hills and grown men cross their legs without knowing why on my face when I entered the room.  They would all stand up and I would say, “Sit the fuck down, everyone but the Homeland Security asshats, you fuckers can stay standing for the duration of this meeting.” 

I would sit in my chair at the head of the table and open a folder or some shit with important information and such in it.  I would briefly peruse it in total silence so everyone can be a bit more on edge.  Someone, probably some asshat from Homeland Security who knows he is fucked, would say, “Ma’am if you would have a look at the summary report…”

“Did someone hear a noise?”  I would ask one of my spiffy generals sitting around the table.  “Sounds like a buzz, very annoying.”  I would then turn to my Chief of Staff and say, “I thought we successfully got rid of all my predecessor’s idiots in Homeland Security.” 

He/she would say, “We did but rolling out the new stricter policies has been slow going.”

He/she would get The Look and then I would say something like, “Ok, guys… this seems pretty straight forward.  Let’s blow up all of Yemen for a start.  When can I expect to see some after action reports and pictures of the large craters and shit on satellite?”

The entire table would stop breathing for a few seconds, a few seconds too long and I would say, “Was that somehow unclear?  Did I stutter?”

Some advisor would say something like, “Ma’am, did you just suggest we blow up an entire country?”

“No, I didn’t suggest anything of the sort, I believe I ordered the total destruction of Yemen.  It wasn’t up for debate.  Suggesting infers a gray area that simply doesn’t exist.”  I would then pour some coffee and be pissed because there is no Ready Whip to put on the top and then point to one of the standing Homeland Security folks and say, “You, do something within your skillset, get me some fucking Ready Whip.  Can you do that without something blowing up?” 

One of my PR folks would say, “Jen, you realize there is going to be quite a bit of outrage if you simply bomb Yemen into oblivion.”

I would chuckle and say, “You are so precious.  Do you really think anyone is going to give a fuck?  Who the fuck cares about Yemen anyway?  Do I have any Yemini people in this room?  Does anyone depend on anything Yemin produces?  I googled Yemen and they export Oil, which we will own after I plant a fucking flag and claim Yemen as our newest freaking territory.  They export coffee, which we have South America for, and dried salted fish… i do not even eat dried or salted fish.  Dried salted fish is gross and smells funny, I say this is a fucking win/win for us.  We are doing the world a favor.”

“Jen…”  a General would say then clear his throat.  “Are you saying you want us to bomb Yemen into dust?” 

“Yes, Dear.  Use all those spiffy warheads I let you buy and fly over in those shiny new Aircraft and blow it to smitherines.  Fun huh?”  By this point I am pondering the fact I need a fill because my nails are getting too long and how I should be drinking a glass of wine after having eaten way too much oyster dressing and turkey which I haven’t been able to do since I am in this fucking meeting.  Everyone would be talking among themselves trying to figure out how to talk me out of my idea and I would let them for about 20 seconds then I would stand up and say, “Ok, folks… I am gonna roll.  One question before I get going.  Do we have the terrorist in custody?”

Homeland Security guy No. 3 says, “Yes, Ma’am” 

“Good, is he talking?”

“A bit.”

“Ok, get what you can out of him then put a bullet in his brain.”  I would say casually and turn to my favorite General, the one with the new planes and say, “You will let me know when the pictures of burning Yemen are available to see?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” 

“Awesome, you are The Shit!”  I would say as I started walking out of the room.  “The rest of you fuckers, do what you do but if i see one of you bitches on the news taking shit from The Left about this without throwing the fuck down, I will have your asses over a fire.  Tell them we blow shit up when people fuck with us, it is a simple fucking concept.”

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28 Responses so far

Some men fear estrogen.

Others know how to use it to kill.

I’d be in that second group there.

God damn! I love your style!

Jen has my vote!

you could even use stimulus funding to paint the lines in the new parking lot…....  %-)

Dear Demure One,
Please email the INSTANT you decide to run for president, I will quit my job and be your gopher/beck and call boy for the duration plus a month! You shall never lack for Ready Whip on my watch!
All Hail Jen!
Long Live The Demure One!

Amen, sister.  I keep saying, if we would turn just ONE of those terrorist-breeding shitholes into a hot, thick sheet of glass, the rest of ‘em would fall right into line.
“Yeah, Yemen is gone.  Do any of the rest of you have a problem with that? No? Good.”
And the sad thing is, I am not even PMSing right now.  God help ‘em if I were.

[...] Driscoll: Here We Go Again Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… Publius, Big Government: Shock Claim: Terrorist Boarded Plane Without Passport and Detroit Terror [...]

Can I be VP

[...] Driscoll: Here We Go Again Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… Andrew Marcus, Big Government: US Response To Failed Christmas Jihad Is So 9/10 VotingFemale [...]

Outstanding !....and hilarious…..

Jen For President !

:-D

Glass is nice and shiny. I’d love to see certain countries twinkling in the sunlight.

[...] Driscoll: Here We Go Again Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… Andrew Marcus, Big Government: US Response To Failed Christmas Jihad Is So 9/10 Publius, Big [...]

I’ve always felt if women ran the world there would be no war.
 
Helluva lot of assassinations tho’.

Swoon!
I’m in love!
 
 

Ms. President, Somalia is still hijacking everyone’s ships! Can we do something there please? Please?

And I know the very person to be your shoe buyer/shiner/shelfer (or would they have their own closet?!?)/admirer – or your VP – which ever job is open.
Yes – I agree completely and for that matter if we used a couple of bucks worth of ammo and blow a couple of Illegal Aliens, a couple of gangbanging idiots, a couple of drug dealing criminals and of course a couple of murderers, rapists and pedophiles away – I am sure that our crime problems would drop dramatically here in the US – I am not one to kill without benefit of trial, lawyers, Judge and Jury – but after that – hey bullets are cheaper.
Same goes for the GWOT – Support the Troops by bringing them home and then wiping out the terrorists in one big blow.
First words out of my mouth at 10AM September 11, 2001 – Nuke ‘em till they glow.

That would make for a very Happy New Year.
Need a press secretary? I’d love to give those cocksuckers strokes explaining to them that Charlie don’t surf.

Madam President,
I hereby volunteer my services as your Secratary of Defense. I have NO problem releasing those missles to the General.  One less shit hole to worry about. I can think of a few others that we could level.
Can I use the B-52’s too?

I love this! I am so happy.

Hey our newest edition arrived for an early christmas present.  Rebecca Grace was born Christmas Eve eight weeks early due to preeclamsia. I had a c-section.  She weighed in at 2lbs 7 oz.  She is in the NICU and will be for 4-6 weeks.  She is doing really well and has no other health problems other than being tiny.  She is breathing on her own and everyday gets stronger and stronger.  She tube feeding most of the day with nipple/bottle twice a day.  She is precious.  We see her everyday..sometimes twice if we can. 

If you go to facebook you can see pictures of her.  Today she was baptized.  Keep her in your prayers….

Love
Dawn

[...] Protesters: “Beat Them Silly, Tear Them Apart” Ed Driscoll: Here We Go Again Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… Andrew Marcus, Big Government: US Response To Failed Christmas Jihad Is So 9/10 American Princess: [...]

Dawn

God bless…Rebecca is in the prayer circle!

[...] Protesters: “Beat Them Silly, Tear Them Apart” Ed Driscoll: Here We Go Again Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… Andrew Marcus, Big Government: A Path to Jihad: From Gitmo, To Saudi Arabis, To IRAN, To Yemen and [...]

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[...] Napolitano: “System worked” in terror attack attempt on Detroit-bound plane Demure Thoughts: Estrogen Loaded Musings… The Blogmocracy: American Elites lie about Islamo-Imperialism Andrew Marcus, Big Government: A Path [...]

Where were you when I was single… Oh wait!  I am single…
[Too bad you’re not.]
Sent this link to all my friends.  The common response:  “It is a simple fucking concept.”

I just found your blog.  You are hilarious and amazing.  You get my vote anytime you want to run.

Hahaha Not that detailed…but that would be my reaction.  However, I would blow up the middle east… I’m still pissed of about 9/11. Then again I’m from Huntsville Al.  We build rockets. My future job.

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