Some Things Are Just Never Going To Be OK…

By jen

Let’s talk about fashion today.  Let’s talk about how it is NEVER going to be ok to wear certain things to work.  I have spent the last year becoming more and more convinced I can not be surprised about what people will put on in the morning and consider it appropriate for work.  I am always proven wrong, I can be surprised if not mortified.  In the last few weeks I have been witness to some amazing sights.

Highlights and Observations:

1.  It is never ok to wear rubber flip flops/shower shoes to work.  Even with a freakin’ skirt and jacket… ESPECIALLY with a skirt and jacket.

2.  It is never ok to wear cotton, denim, or knit capri pants to work.  It is even less ok to wear a sleeveless v-neck t-shirt with them.  This is what I refer to as “home depot couture” and has no place at work!

3.  Attention men:  Jewel toned shirts or vibrant colored shirts have no place at work.  They actually have no place in your closet, but that is neither here nor there.

4.  If you own a tie bought before y2k throw it the hell away…NOW

5.  Sandals are never ok at work.  That is my opinion.  That said, if you wear them, for the love of GOD get a pedicure.  No one wants to see your klingon  battle talons all funky and crusty.  ugh

6.  Common misconception, gals… Clothing does not suddenly become work worthy by virtue of putting a pair of heels on with them.  Shorts are never ok at work.  They are still not OK with heels.

7.  Misconception #2, gals… cut off white denim knee shorts are not work appropriate, even if you put on a fucking blazer with them and heels.  OMG really?  Frayed hem!

8.  Sleeveless shirts, dresses, tanks, camis whatever… NONE OF THAT IS WORK APPROPRIATE! GrowTaller4Idiots  I do not care that on tv the women working in high powered jobs are often wearing micro mini skirts and sleeveless mini dresses.  It is not professional unless you are a call girl.

9.  I know I am in a minority when I say this one, but for the love of GOD why don’t women were stockings anymore?  It is soooo not ok to have a nice pair of shoes and shove your bare fucking sweaty feet into them.  To me, a dress or skirt is to be worn with stocking unless it is a sundress and sundresses are not to be worn at work!  It is just gross to listen to people with sticky feet in their shoes all day.  You know their feet stink and it just disgusts me.

10. If you are going to wear a jersy dress to work, there is nothing wrong with this per se, but if you are worried about a pantie line the answer is not to wear a thong, you fucking idiot.  I do not care if you have the ass of a 23 year old tennis player (which you do not) it is just fucking gross.  Why?  I will tell you why!  Even if I can get past the fact you still have a panty line honey, it is just higher…  Even if i can get past the fact you were too stupid to wear hose and/or a slip…  I can not get over the fact that every time you take a step your clingy dress is getting lodged inn your ass crack.  This is wildly inappropriate and really fucking nasty.

ugh… the world has no fucking class anymore.

11 Responses so far

So, my tie-dye shirts & socks & crocs aren’t good for the office?  Dammit!  You suck all the fun out Jen.
Big, flowery Hawaiian shirts are still ok though right?

Only on “be an idiot at work day” :)



Uh Oh.  She’s back.  And about time too.  Hope all is well in Jennifer Land.

As long as my legs are nicely tanned and shaved, and my feet are freshly pedicured, no amount of shaming will make me wear pantyhose in the summer in the South.
In an air-conditioned office my fabulous sling-backs and peep-toe pumps are not sticking to my feet. My feet are dry and cold and smell of the copious amounts of Hawaiian Tropic I’ve worked into the tops and ankles. It’s pretty well established in the South and no gives a second thought about it.
So good to have you back!

can i get some names and phone numbers for my next trip to Tejas?
these sound like JUST the kind of women i want to meet on a quick visit…. if you know what i meant.
nudge, nudge, wink wink.

Sheeee’s baaaaaccckkkk…   As a resident of the Land of Cougars* (motto “Where the bodies are 49 years old and the breasts are 2 years old”) I can add a few more things to the list.
1) As a man I admire the female form. A nice set of heels, a little cleavage, a nice manicure and you have my attention.  A micro-mini and 5 inch heels on a 50+ woman with varicose veins and hammer toes isn’t going to compete with the 20-somethings in the office.  You have experience and intelligence on your side—use it.  The young win the body wars.
2) Guys, for those of us on the backside of the 40s it is just as sad trying to pull off the fad of the month style, clubbing until 0400 and trying to speak as if you just graduated high school.  Again, the young win the body wars. Wanna pick chicks? Stand at the bar, announce you aren’t gay, that you are single, carry no STDs, and have a job and you will get at least 5 phone numbers.  1 or 2 might even be from some of the 20 somethings.
3)  Capri pants. Anytime. OK, maybe this one is just personal, but I find Capri pants one of the most atrocious looking bits of apparel ever. Ladies, this is look that makes your legs like 8 inches long. Even if you are over 6 feet a set of capri pants makes you look like a horrible accident victim who have had their legs amputated from the knee to the hip, but reattached at the shin.
4)The loose tie.  I guess it is supposed to resemble a somewhat casual look of someone unwinding after a hard day’s work.  That might be fine at 7PM at home. At 0900 it just makes you look sloppy , sad and phony.  Wear the tie or don’t, but the half way look makes you look indecisive.
*Florida. Not California.  Florida is where all the aged Californian, New York, and Bostonian cougars come to prowl.

I so agree with the list – Had to sanitize my eyeballs (there is nothing to be done to burn the image out of my brain, damn it) – was in Wally world (yes I know, just asking for it) she was wearing a filmy, skin tight white pair of capris (how many fashion no-nos is that alone) with a black thong underneath it. I thought I’d puke right there. Won’t even go to the matching top – yepper with the matching black bra underneath it (hey at least she was wearing a bra).
My daughter is 22 has had every intention of doing something very meaningful in her life, she is also a size 0 – she has had a hell of a time to find any clothing that is not sluts are us to wear.  The slutty look has descended down from the adult to the junior and then down to girls – now sadly it is into the toddler ‘fashions’.
And they wonder why they can’t get the decent jobs or promotions. First impressions are the most lasting – and if you dress like an idiot – guess what the bosses/powers that be will take from their first impression?!?

I’m glad you posted that about flip-flops. I HATE hearing the sound of those things at work. I can hear them even though I’ve got headphones on a listening to music!

Jen dearest – Clueless guy here! I’m guessing your list is mostly for women. “never ok to wear cotton, denim, or knit capri pants”. So you’re saying no capri pants of any kind (I’d agree) or no cotton pants, no denim pants, and no capri pants? Denim is not for the office. But why not cotton?
Even the lightest wool slacks are just too darn hot for the summer, especially in the less air conditioned offices of today. Cotton or cotton blend slacks can look professional, as long as you don’t go the full-on rayon Hillary Clinton look.
My add to your list: guys: tuck in the shirt and button it. If it’s not the kind of shirt you can tuck in, you shouldn’t be wearing it to the office. Heck, if you don’t have a tie you’d consider wearing with that shirt, you shouldn’t be wearing it to the office. Leave the pale kakhis, bright polo shirt, and comfy soft shoes look to the Staples employees.

All of these just killed me.  Haven’t had such a long and hardy laugh in ages.  Thanks for sharing – and our commenters were fabulous.

…the world has no fucking class anymore

You win the Internets.

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