Boobs and Wifi

By jen

Gone are the days of waiting bored and watching paint dry in waiting rooms at doctor’s offices.  The only thing you have to do now is stake your claim early to the plug!!  I am sitting at MD Anderson Cancer Prevention Center today for my annual mammogram and exam.  Yeah, I drive 200 miles to get it done.  The idiots in SA didnt’ seem to install confidence and were ready to biopsy me without good films.  Not to mention they couldn’t find my right breast when i went to pick up my images to head to Houston.  How can you lose a boob? Especially one of mine!

Anyway, I am sitting here in a lovely waiting room in a corner with a comfy chair and good a/c trying desperately not to think about the fact they are going to be squashing my boob like a ball of masa in a tortilla press in about an hour or so.  My boobs are legend in some zip codes so I am not just exaggerating here.  It is totally possible to smash a boob no matter how big to basically a 1/4 in thick pancake between two plastic plates.  AGONY!  They hurt already and I haven’t been touched.

Hopefully this year we do not have any crazy micro calcifications that cause me to have to stay over for another biopsy and a full week of “losing my shit” until i get results.  Last year I was ready to just have them removed I was so stressed out.  I had convinced myself that having them removed was at that point less stressful than waiting for lab results.  It was a joy for all that week, I think Sarah is still suffering from PTSD due to my insanity.

This is a nice place though and a world renown clinic so if you have to get smashed somewhere it might as well be here.  The only thing that would make it better is if they had a wine bar I could just get sloshed at while I waited.

8 Responses so far

My wife, who is also amply endowed, went through the mammogram/biopsy torture last year. Happily, everything came back negative, but even with insurance it cost us several hundred dollars to find out, not to mention the anxiety.
Good luck. May your experience be a good one.

poor boobies….
want me to kiss them afterward and make them feel all better?  %-)

Ya know, a wine bar might not be such a bad idea. Not that I’d expect sensational vintages or anything.
We’ve been taking her mother back and forth to Sloan Kettering in NYC. Lovely place, great people, and all the waiting areas have multi flavor coffee and tea machines plus little cans of orange and apple juice and saltines and little graham crackers. People from all over the world there with various cancers in various stages … finding a few dozen airplane size bottle of vodka in the freezer could sure help.
Today the “good” news: no cancer anywhere. “Just” Hep C and cirrhosis. So now it’s off to the hepatologist. Or was that herpetologist? It is the mother in law after all.
Good luck with the tortilla press.

fresh strawberries.



...nuff said. 

...except Welcome back Jen.

I read this entire piece and the only word I remember is BOOBS,

Hope the test come back normal and all is well with you Jen.

point of order:  if her tests come back “normal”, she should get a second opinion. %-)

I have a number to call to get mine smashed – still holding out on that one – a zillion years of it, nursed for a total of like 174 weeks – and never a single solitary problem with the girls – don’t think it’s a big issue for me. Maybe I’ll call next week.

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