When a man ducked past security at Newark Liberty International Airport last Sunday to kiss his girlfriend goodbye, the breach in security shut down one of the country’s busiest airports, delayed flights through Monday and prompted an intensive manhunt from New Jersey detectives that ended on Friday evening on a street in Piscataway, N.J.

He is lucky I wasn’t at Newark that day I would have beat him to death for keeping me in that god forsaken shithole for one moment longer than necessary.

Another failure in the Airport security saga we live in.  Surprise!  Duh.  I was going through Newark once with a friend on the way to a vendor convention.  We were carrying on two bags full of metal (gold chain etc)  We were told we needed our bags searched and sent to a table to wait.  Watched they two bitches sit and shoot the shit instead of working and our flight was being called to board.  I said, “Ma’am that is our flight they are calling.  Can you check our bags so we can make the flight?”  She looks at me like I am insane and says, “Go ahead, you are fine.”  My hand to God!  Trust me, 9/11 didn’t surprise me, hell nothing that happens at Newark or any other Airport surprises me.

On Saturday, some of Mr. Jiang’s roommates described him as a “romantic” now trying to secure a lawyer after the dizzying turn of events.

I think he should be described as terminally stupid and immediately have a vasectomy and an anal probing with a hedgehog.  Did I mention I hate being delayed at Newark?

The senator said the trouble the security breach caused far outweighed the punishment: 1,600 people stuck in the airport for six hours; flights delayed and an “incalculable” loss of money. And then for five days after the incident, New Jersey law enforcement officials searched exhaustively for the man caught on a grainy surveillance video, one which Sen. Lautenberg had released on Thursday.

I say hang him at High Noon in the middle of the main terminal!  Fucking six hours!  ugh.

“He loves her very much,” Mr. Huang said on Saturday, outside the two-story house Mr. Jiang shares with five roommates. Mr. Huang added that his friend “just wanted to say goodbye to his girlfriend, so it was a very emotional moment. I don’t think he realized what he’s doing.”

Fucking pussy.  Now he can carry on his love affair from a jail cell with his new ‘boyfriend” Bubba.

How did he do it?

The video showed that Mr. Jiang was able to step past security last Sunday when a guard, identified by a law enforcement official as Ruben Hernandez, left his post. The guard has been on administrative leave since Tuesday, and he faces disciplinary action, according to the Transportation Security Administration.

Without Mr. Hernandez watching, Mr. Jiang was able to slip into an area of people who had already cleared security and embraced a woman in a puffy coat and kissed her. When security officials were alerted that someone had breached a secure area, they took steps to lock down the terminal.

Oh I sure Mr. Hernandez is not popular right now.  Hell if he isn’t careful Janet Nappypants might just come down and scare him with her hairdo and fashion sense.  I have to fly to DC in a few weeks and this is just another reason I a never flying through Newark again.

Back to Mr. Huang.. the poor misunderstood casanova.

“I think this man is very romantic,” Mr. Riu said.

Mr. Jiang, who comes from the Jiangxi province of China, said Mr. Huang, is a postdoctoral fellow at the Center for Advanced Biotechnology and Medicine, according to the Rutgers University Web site. He intended to find a job in Los Angeles after graduation so he could be with his girlfriend, Mr. Huang said.

He isn’t just a romantic folks… this is the act of a postdoctoral advance biomed tech and medicine guy aka geek.  It is probably the only piece of ass he will ever have a chance at and he was overcome with the lure of the panties.  Ugh.  I will say what I say on many occasions to men who are stupid about women… “no piece of ass is worth that…”

“I just hope this doesn’t affect his future career path.”

They hope it doesn’t affect his future career? With this on his resume I am sure he can qualify to lead a TSA team or at the very least run for President of the United State.  I fucking hate people.

Lileks does some of the best tweets…

I have to do a video tomorrow on the fact that it’s cold. Next: a guide for coping with the strange inky blackness that follows “day.”

I was reading Geek Soapbox earlier and this made me giggle: Study Finds If You Have an iPhone You’re Nuts! I enjoyed the entire article but the I laughed aloud at this…

I own and adore desperately my iPhone.  Without it, I feel uncertain and anxious, as if a very part of me has been unplugged from life and I struggle to maintain focus and balance. It’s utterly ridiculous, but I guess I’m one of the people Strand Consulting is referring to when it declares that iPhone users are delusional.

OMG!  I am like a fucking junkie three hours past needing a fix when I do not have my iPhone in my hand.  It is fucking ridiculous.  It is so bad that I must actually get a “disturbed and distraught” look on my face when I am separated from my iPhone because, Sarah aka Jen’s Keeper at work seems to know what is wrong and says, “You do not have your phone, do you?”

At one point about a month ago we were all down at corporate working on a pretty intense deadline and had walked to the break room to get coffee etc.  When we returned to the office we all were piled into and working on a freakin’ briefing I suddenly realized i didn’t have my phone.  I was looking everywhere while a coworker was trying to tell me something important.  Sarah says, “You fucking cannot find your phone; just do the work I will find it!”  she starts walking and dialing the phone, listening for my freakin’ Beyonce All the Single Ladies ring-tone.  She returns like a huntress from a safari with big game to prove her might and yes… she was mighty in my eyes!

It is so pathetic that not only can I not imagine my life without my iPhone I cannot remember life BiP (Before iPhone)!   How did I function?  How did I check my mail 900 times a day?  How did I find a Starbucks while driving and desperate for coffee?  What is 411 for?  I cannot remember!  I just open Safari and google what I want and the zip code and voila!  There is the results and a number i can click and have my wonderful gadget ask me, “Call number?”  Yes yes yes, I say!

All you Apple haters out there can bite my ass and revel in the inferiority of your Windows Mobile 6 crap.  Google android?  Whatevah!  iPhone changed my life! Not sure if it is a curse or a blessing but I am so fucking happy about it, who cares?

1.  Daughter No. 3 is on the mend and doing great.  Thanks be to God.

2. I love my new job been there almost a year and I do not want to quit!

3. My family is healthy and happy

4. Flight 1549 and a man who cannot walk on water but can land a plane on one.

5. The New Star Trek Movie!  Loved it.  Love Zachary Quinto.  Sylar is my favorite.

6.  Tea Parties, pissed off Americans, and maybe, just maybe a nation ready to say “get the fuck out of my capital” to politicians. 

7.  I rediscovered my obsessive love of jigsaw puzzles and now my obsessive DISORDER is causing them to stack up in a corner of my bedroom becuase I do not have the same obsession when it comes to putting the glue on them.

8.  Jennifer Rardin released a book for me to end the year.  I love me some Jaz Parks. Also a bunch of other great books came out this year not just the stinker on the last list.

9.  Glee.  I love Glee.  I mean I freakin LOVE GLEE.

10.  Fox didn’t cancel Fringe and therefor I love Fox!

Imagine me, as president… yeah Iknow… try hard.  I am enjoying my family day with the girls and whatnot in some fabulous location, not fucking Hawaii, and I get a call, hopefully sooner than 3 hours after it happens, that says, “Yo, Oh Exalted Demure One and Leader of the Free World, some ass fuck tried to blow up a plane bound for US soil with some device he picked up in Yemen!  AQ is behind this.  Just wanted you to know, ma’am.” 

Imagine now that I am in my current state of estrogen induced delightfulness and you get something like this… “Get all the important fuckers in the room or on the horn and I will be there in a few, this gives me the ass!  I was about to eat my oyster dressing and I have to deal with this fucing shit.” 

I would of course have to get out of my flannel PJs, which would cause further deterioration of my mood, and dress appropriately to meet with the important fuckers.  I am thinking something black and severe, but with some fucking wicked hot 4 inch red stilletos that scream, I could totally punctuate your trachea with this if i were so inclined.  I would head over to wherever the fuck I had the important fuckers waiting with “that look” that makes my kids run for the hills and grown men cross their legs without knowing why on my face when I entered the room.  They would all stand up and I would say, “Sit the fuck down, everyone but the Homeland Security asshats, you fuckers can stay standing for the duration of this meeting.” 

I would sit in my chair at the head of the table and open a folder or some shit with important information and such in it.  I would briefly peruse it in total silence so everyone can be a bit more on edge.  Someone, probably some asshat from Homeland Security who knows he is fucked, would say, “Ma’am if you would have a look at the summary report…”

“Did someone hear a noise?”  I would ask one of my spiffy generals sitting around the table.  “Sounds like a buzz, very annoying.”  I would then turn to my Chief of Staff and say, “I thought we successfully got rid of all my predecessor’s idiots in Homeland Security.” 

He/she would say, “We did but rolling out the new stricter policies has been slow going.”

He/she would get The Look and then I would say something like, “Ok, guys… this seems pretty straight forward.  Let’s blow up all of Yemen for a start.  When can I expect to see some after action reports and pictures of the large craters and shit on satellite?”

The entire table would stop breathing for a few seconds, a few seconds too long and I would say, “Was that somehow unclear?  Did I stutter?”

Some advisor would say something like, “Ma’am, did you just suggest we blow up an entire country?”

“No, I didn’t suggest anything of the sort, I believe I ordered the total destruction of Yemen.  It wasn’t up for debate.  Suggesting infers a gray area that simply doesn’t exist.”  I would then pour some coffee and be pissed because there is no Ready Whip to put on the top and then point to one of the standing Homeland Security folks and say, “You, do something within your skillset, get me some fucking Ready Whip.  Can you do that without something blowing up?” 

One of my PR folks would say, “Jen, you realize there is going to be quite a bit of outrage if you simply bomb Yemen into oblivion.”

I would chuckle and say, “You are so precious.  Do you really think anyone is going to give a fuck?  Who the fuck cares about Yemen anyway?  Do I have any Yemini people in this room?  Does anyone depend on anything Yemin produces?  I googled Yemen and they export Oil, which we will own after I plant a fucking flag and claim Yemen as our newest freaking territory.  They export coffee, which we have South America for, and dried salted fish… i do not even eat dried or salted fish.  Dried salted fish is gross and smells funny, I say this is a fucking win/win for us.  We are doing the world a favor.”

“Jen…”  a General would say then clear his throat.  “Are you saying you want us to bomb Yemen into dust?” 

“Yes, Dear.  Use all those spiffy warheads I let you buy and fly over in those shiny new Aircraft and blow it to smitherines.  Fun huh?”  By this point I am pondering the fact I need a fill because my nails are getting too long and how I should be drinking a glass of wine after having eaten way too much oyster dressing and turkey which I haven’t been able to do since I am in this fucking meeting.  Everyone would be talking among themselves trying to figure out how to talk me out of my idea and I would let them for about 20 seconds then I would stand up and say, “Ok, folks… I am gonna roll.  One question before I get going.  Do we have the terrorist in custody?”

Homeland Security guy No. 3 says, “Yes, Ma’am” 

“Good, is he talking?”

“A bit.”

“Ok, get what you can out of him then put a bullet in his brain.”  I would say casually and turn to my favorite General, the one with the new planes and say, “You will let me know when the pictures of burning Yemen are available to see?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” 

“Awesome, you are The Shit!”  I would say as I started walking out of the room.  “The rest of you fuckers, do what you do but if i see one of you bitches on the news taking shit from The Left about this without throwing the fuck down, I will have your asses over a fire.  Tell them we blow shit up when people fuck with us, it is a simple fucking concept.”

A legally insane killer was on the loose in the state of Washington on Saturday, two days after he escaped during a field trip to a county fair, authorities said.

Call me wacky but who the fuck takes a fucking criminally insane killer to the fucking county fair?  Really?  ARE. YOU. FUCKING.SERIOUS?  This is just fucking brilliance on the part of the state.  I get that the folks on the left coast are all sorts of fucked up and live in basically a alternate universe, but seriously?  Want to know what this guy did?

Paul was committed to Eastern State Hospital after admitting he strangled and slit the throat of community activist Ruth Motley in 1987, KREM-TV reported. According to court documents obtained by KREM, Paul believed Motley was a witch and killed her in response to voices in his head.

He subsequently burned a deer carcass as a sacrifice, according the documents.

Well hell he just slit a throat and strangled someone, let’s take him to the fucking fair and get him some goddamn cotton candy and a few rides on the fucking Tilt-A-Whirl.  What kind of inbred piece of shit administrator decides this is ok?

“He’s the only paranoid schizophrenic—I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands of them—that frightened me,” Dr. Frank Hardy, a licensed psychiatrist, says in one of the documents, according to KREM. “The first time I took one look at him—and I’ve never done this before or since—I asked the jailer to remain in the room while I examined him.

Of course they haven’t found his ass because either he is crafty and swift or the “Massive Manhunt” in Spokane County, Washington was being run by Shaggy and the gang.

“I believe he would respond to his delusions and his voices again” if released, Hardy wrote.

Well I hope some poor unsuspecting family or camper doesn’t end up dead because of this guys little “field trip”.  Jeeze, you cannot make this shit up.   But wait!  Let’s not judge this guy too quickly!

But Paul “Coyote” Neumann, a disc jockey at Spokane radio station Kix 96-FM, has an entirely different view of the escapee. Neumann has known Paul for 12 years through volunteering at the hospital and correspondence by mail.

Paul is a talented artist, Neumann told KREM-TV.

“I was just amazed by his ability. I always took him as a savant,” Neumann said. “I never knew that he had murdered somebody until three or four or five years later.”

Neumann described Paul as a “gentle soul.”

Well hell!  There isn’t a fucking thing to worry about, folks.  El Coyote… THE RADIO DJ… has proclaimed him a gentle soul!  That totally makes me feel better.

“I’ve never seen him raise his voice; I’ve never seen him get frustrated; I’ve never seen nothing but kindness from him,” he told KREM.

“I get mixed emotions because I do see the sweet, softer side of this individual, but I’ve never seen him unsupervised, I’ve never seen him not medicated,” Neumann said. “But that’s not to say in another 12, 15, 20 hours without those medications that he doesn’t revert to those demons.”

Well, Coyote you probably haven’t seen him off his fucking meds either!  Something tells me that two days off his meds might be the beginning of the end of his fucking artistic phase!  It seems the only person in this whole damn fiasco with any presence of mind is the escaped crazy man who manages to stay hidden!  Mental illness is some scary shit and by virtue of being institutionalized this guy was supposed to have SANE people making sure he was not a danger to everyone and himself.  We are not talking about a guy who gets off his meds and runs around naked singing the Age of Aquarius!  I never cease to be amazed at the fucking stupidity of this kind of shit.  Weekend furloughs for felons went well in Massachusetts, just ask Dukakis!  For fuck’s sake, people.  The guy was in a mental hospital for a fucking reason and if he wouldn’t have been crazy he would have probably been a lifer in some maximum security prison!  Fucking county fair!

A review has been launched on the incident along with the policy that allows patients to take trips, said Susan Dreyfus, secretary of the state’s Department of Social and Health Services.

A fucking review?  Oh I feel better already!  Hey fuckwads, how about firing a bunch of fucking people starting with whichever dumb fuck doctor or nurse or in house cruise director signed the slip to let this guy go to the fucking county fair and ending with the fucking stupid ass who created the idiot policy in the first place.  Better yet, why don’t they just let this guy move in with the stupid ass that signed the form to let him go play?  That’s the ticket.

In breaking news:  Nancy Pelosi in a joint appearance with Fuknut had this to say, ” We feel certain had this poor soul been covered under Government Insurance back in 1987 none of this would have happened!” /end snark

UnFUCKINGbelievable.

Note to Washington State Board of Prisons and Lunatics:  Jail and institutionalization are not a goddamn summer camps!

1.  How long has he been stalking Beyonce?

2. When will Jay-Z’s people have someone beat his ass for stalking his woman?

3. What kind of fucking lowlife goes to an awards ceremony with a bottle of booze in his hand on the red carpet?  Doesn’t California have an open container law?

4.  Is it just obvious to me that he learned his bitch ass moves on the mean streets of middle class Chicago or what?

Honestly, is he channeling the lost fire of his former Black Panther father who is now a Christian Counselor?  He is trying to right the horrible injustice of Beyonce not winning the VMA for Best Female Video!  Give me a fucking break.  The man is stalking her.  I doubt Beyonce was torn up about the loss to Taylor Swift and she was gracious when she later accepted an award and invited the teen on stage to have the moment her stalker stole from her.

He is deranged!  The man is obviously trying to right the wrong that racism is having on Beyonce.  You know the racism that she has been taking to the bank for years and the same racism her exceedingly weathly husband is taking to the community property bank as well.  Oh wait!  Fucking Kanye is a millionaire several times over too.  Hold on… I am missing the goddamn oppression here.  What I see is the behavior of a spoiled child who has had too much to drink take it out on a kid who has the audacity to be successful and white and in the same theater as he is.  Would he have jumped up there and done that with Jordin Sparks?  If so I bet her former NFL playing daddy would have brought his ass to the ground.  Just sayin’

I would like to say something to Taylor’s mother who was back stage with her daughter.  You are a better woman than me.  I would have walked on stage and punched him in his fucking bitch ass face for bullying my child and degrading her accomplishments.  I would have beat his ass with my Jimmy Choo stiletto until he was crying on the floor like the little bitch he is.  But then I am violent that way when it comes to my kids.

Anyway you look at it the situation is shit and the celebrities were not impressed with his behavior either.  Pink in her now famous twitter comments:

“Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me”

‘My heart goes out to Taylor Swift. She is a sweet and talented girl and deserved her moment.

‘She should know we all love her. Beyonce is a classy lady. I feel for her, too. It’s not her fault at all, and her and Taylor did their thing. And douche bag got kicked out.’

Kanye posts this on his blog:

I feel like Ben Stiller in “Meet the Parents” when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave…      That was Taylor’s moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her.  I am truly sorry.   09.14.2009

I found this from his posting after the show:

I’m sooooo sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom,” he wrote. “I spoke to her mother right after and she said the same thing my mother would’ve said. She is very talented! I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she’s in the bleachers! I’m in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment!

“Beyoncé’s video was the best of this decade!!!! I’m sorry to my fans if I let you guys down!!!! I’m sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw. Welcome to the real world!!!! Everybody wanna booooo me but I’m a fan of real pop culture!!! No disrespect but we watchin’ the show at the crib right now cause … well you know!!!! I’m still happy for Taylor!!!! Boooyaaawwww!!!! You are very very talented!!! I gave my awards to Outkast when they deserved it over me … That’s what it is!!!!!!! I’m not crazy y’all, i’m just real. Sorry for that!!! I really feel bad for Taylor and I’m sincerely sorry!!! Much respect!!!!!”

Let’s not mention the excessive use of punctuation which makes me want to question his masculinity.  In typical fucking liberal fashion he says, I am sorry it wasn’t a nice thing to do but I am totally fucking justified in being a cocksucker bully because I had a good reason!  Beyonce was robbed Boooyaaaawww!!!  Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you again.  I love the second bit too absolving himself for responsibility by saying he gave Outkast his award because they deserved it.  Did you give them the money you made on the fucking song too?  He isnt crazy, guys.  He is just real.  Yeah he is a real fucking piece of work, but then he has always had diarrhea of the mouth and is notorious for being a bitch.

But you knew someone would take up for him and play the racism game. Because you know the multi-millionaire is a fucking victim and some stupid ass white guy had to try to give us some perspective.

First off, this cocksucker Choire Sicha (whoever the fuck he is) says this is really MTVs fault that the girl didn’t get to finish her speech:

At least Kanye started his tiny tirade by telling Swift “I’m going to let you finish.” MTV are the ones who actually didn’t.

Yeah, bad producers for whisking a teenager off the stage of a man obviously shit faced and talking out of his ass.  Apparently this is just a case of two millionaires having a bit of a kerfuffle, right?  No biggie.  But wait! Why was there such outrage Mr. Sicha asked?

I won’t go so far as to suggest that everyone was flipped out that this angelic little white girl (and she is super-cute) was accosted by a probably drunk (West was, again according to MTVNews.com, “photographed holding a bottle of Hennessey on VMA red carpet.”)—and definitely crazy—older black man. I’ll keep that thought to myself, but I’ll keep thinking it.

Call me crazy but I think the whole black man thing is sort of not the fucking issue.  Trust me I think a drunk and very white Ozzy Osbourne would have been just as fucking inappropriate though probably we wouldn’t have understood a word he said so it would have been ok.

Don’t bother apologizing, Kanye. The thing about the Incoming High Impact Kanye is that it was nearly the only honest note of the night.

This guy Sicha would be amusing if he wasn’t so fucking self righteous. What the fuck is the Incoming High Impact Kanye?  What the fuck does that mean?  It must be an amazing world Sicha lives in.  Send me a fucking postcard.  The fact is, who cares if he apologizes.  The damage is done.  He showed once again that he is a bitch, a lousy drunk, and a petulant child.  No amount of apologizing and making excuses for him is going to change that Mr. Sicha.  At least Sicha noted that the one of the only other “honest” moments of the night was when Pink called Kanye a piece of shit.

You get the feeling this Sicha guy is trying to take up for Kanye (who he probably has pictures of in his spank bank)  but not wanting to piss off Pink because he knows she could make his bitch ass cry?  Nonetheless, Kanye is a bitch.

Speaking of bitching…

Dear God, Serena lost her shit yesterday at the US Open. Serena, honey… you were scaring me in the damn replays.  I cannot imagine why that woman felt threatened.  Can you?  Let’s see… you have already broken your racket cuz you were losing.  You had a foot fault called on you on a match point.  Yeah, kind of shitty, but you know what, such is life it is a rule.  You then go over and start threatening to shove a ball down someone’s throat.  Tiny Asian woman feels intimidated by 6’ heavily muscled athlete making angry threats while swinging a metal racket.  Hmmm yeah you scared the gal, Serena.  You lost your shit.

I hate to lump Serena into this post with Kanye because frankly he is far more of a bitch than Serena who was fucking pissed and we all have those days.  I thought her post game press conference was hilarious though and at least honest.  They asked if she thought she owed the gal an apology and she said:

An apology for?’ she asked. ‘From me? How many people yell at linespeople? Players, athletes get frustrated – I don’t know how many times I’ve seen that happen.

‘I haven’t really thought about it to have any regrets. I was out there and I fought and I tried and I did my best.

In the end she apologized (which i do not think was necessary.  you all know my opinion on apologies) and will pay a fine.  Now if we can get through the day without someone saying this was yellow on black racism I will be pleased.  I do not need another damn multi-millionaire victim of racism today.  I think that is pushing it a bitch much.  Serena has always seemed to be a class act to me and unlike Kanye she has a fucking skill beyond running her mouth.  Girl can play tennis.

Wtf has Kanye done besides Gold Digger anyway?  I must be too white to know.  I will admit to having that as my ringtone for a long while though.  The song makes me giggle.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is objecting “in the strongest terms” to an Associated Press decision to transmit a photograph showing a mortally wounded 21-year-old Marine in his final moments of life, calling the decision “appalling” and a breach of “common decency.”

The AP reported that the Marine’s father had asked – in an interview and in a follow-up phone call — that the image, taken by an embedded photographer, not be published.

The AP reported in a story that it decided to make the image public anyway because it “conveys the grimness of war and the sacrifice of young men and women fighting it.”

I cannot even imagine the grief this family is going through.  I cannot imagine how you keep breathing after a loss like this.  To have your child’s image plastered all over the place with the bullshit excuse about conveying grimness and sacrifice.  FUCK YOU.

These bastards like Thomas Curley and his “committee” should pray to whatever God they honor that nothing like this ever happen to their own child and some opportunist isn’t there with a camera waiting to snap a pic and send it to their boss to post on every media outlet they can sell it to.  Seriously, bitches.  Pray really hard because karma is a bitch and you cannot hide from it.  My sympathy and  my heart goes out to Lance Cpl. Joshua M. Bernard’s family for this horrible loss and my absolute most potent bad vibe angry Latina/Cajun mojo goes out to the AP for the most fucking astounding display of a utter lack of human decency I have seen in years.

Now on to the muther fucking Huffington Post which I refuse to link ever for turning this image into a headline banner like it is some sort of White Sale advertisement at Sears.  You fucking pieces of shit should all get a case of weeping ass boils for this.  Ariana Huffington is a cunt.  This is not news.  She is like Maureen Dowd with a stupid fucking accent but the same misplaced pseudo rage and need for someone to put a dick in her mouth to shut her the fuck up that MoDo possesses.  She didn’t write the article that accompanies the image though, Greg Mitchell did.  Who the fuck is Greg Mitchell?  He is editor of Editor & Publisher big fucking deal.  I suppose I should know but I do not make it a point to follow the writings of douche leftists unless I am in an unusually masochistic mood or just wanting something to degrade for sport.  I love this defense though…

It was not a one-off bit of “sensationalism” but part of a tasteful and remarkable tribute package profiling the dead Marine and the experience of the photographer, Julie Jacobson, who was there to capture his final moments before he was gravely injured. He later died, three weeks ago.

The experience of photographer Julie Jacobson?  Who gives a rat’s fucking ass about her experience?  She is there to observe and record, right?  The art of photography is to capture a moment not your own fucking personal experience.  Isn’t that like profiling the experience of the  guy who put the frame around the Mona Lisa instead of the guy who painted it?   I am sure it will be all about her when she wins an award for this image and a nice Christmas Winter Festival bonus for her work.  God save us all if this is what the world has come to.  The parents asked them not to print it.  I just keep saying that over and over.

Huffington Post is a fucking joke, the cunt is taking it to the bank but it is a joke.  She is a joke.  Everything about this site is a joke.  A really fucking bad joke is the worst possible taste.  Clicking through the fucking “blog” or cesspool, whatever your preference, is an exercise in self control for me.

There is another article pointing out how full of bigots Texas is because parents have the audacity to object to Princess Fuknut addressing their children in school without parental involvement or permission.  The fucking nerve of us not to allow our children to go and bask in the light of Fuknut’s radiance.  This James Moore a Texas twat says his “buddy” called him to complain about it from texas.  He felt it necessary to point out his buddy is African-American and Native American (for the record isn’t everyone born here native American?  Just sayin’) because James is a white guy and likes this buddy the mostest cuz he is a double dip minority.  Oh yeah the guy has two degrees as well.  JenNote:  Some of the dumbest fuckers I have known in my life have had multiple degrees. Anyway, his reply to his “buddy’s” comment:

“It’s not exactly a political speech,” he said. “He’s going to tell kids to work hard and stay in school and get a good education, and take personal responsibility for their actions.”

“Of course not,” I conceded, “But Obama is a democrat and African-American and this is Texas.”

FUCK YOU! I am sick and fucking tired of this sort of bullshit.  We are all racist bigots here in Texas but all you pieces of fucking shit are just full of love for your fellow Americans of Color.  GROW THE FUCK UP!  Do you have any idea the volume of interracial marriages in San Antonio alone and I do not see a great deal of public stonings happening here in the Alamo City.  I am not talking Hispanic/White marriages either;  I am talking about Blacks marrying people who are not black.  You are a fucking idiot, sir!  You are a lying piece of shit and  live in that fantasy world of yours where racism is a huge fucking issue and act like people are still being lynched for sport.

If you think Texas is a backward place, move somewhere else, mother fucker.  We will not miss you.  Go to LA or San Francisco and try to fucking live like you do here, oh wait!  You would have to pay their fucking taxes there, my bad.  FUCK YOU.   You fucking people are like leeches you live here in pretty much the only place that is not totally collapsing in this economy and you enjoy a lack of state income tax and the right to be a cocksucker bitch on this leftist rag and leisurely outline the plot of your next masterpiece about how Karl Rove is a Sith Lord and all the while bitch about the place that allows you to do this?  FUCK YOU.

I am so sick of stupid fucking people and their stupid fucking opinions based on some damn fantasy of what the world should be like now that we have a Black Woman President.  For fuck’s sake!  These idiots actually thought the heavens were going to part and a crown of sparklies would be placed upon the head of this fucking idiot they elected.  They are totally shocked by the audacity of the American people to have a goddamn thought or two.  What is wrong with everyone!  We have a Black president! We have reached perfection, why can’t you see it! *stomp stomp stomp. Fucking idiots.  I am tempted to go have my tubes untied so I can breed some more children to raise so that maybe by the time I am 60 there is something left of the country I grew up in or at least a handful of adults that know the difference between right and wrong are walking the world.

God, I miss the 80’s and as an adult and a parent I now find this very disturbing.

Clicked on a link in a tweet and ended up here.  Benefits of sweaty sex.  Ok, fuck you.  First of all, all sex, if done properly should end up sweaty.  Second, some of this shit in here is just ugh.  Look, I will be the first to admit to saying the following phrase, “I would like to lick the sweat off his neck” at the sight of some guy that was sweating on a tennis court (Rafa Nadal) or something like that.  That said the illustrious Sexpert on FoxNews says:

Releases more of our natural scents, particularly those around the groin, which can be an aphrodisiac, even if on a subconscious level.

Ok, fuck you.  Sweaty crotch is just not the odour du jour  I think works for most folks.   To further illustrate the absurdity of this article I give you:

Can have the two of you resembling the wet sleekness of “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit models, with slicked back hair or shiny skin

Oh yes, sweetheart.  That’s the ticket.  I know that everyone who is deep in the throes of sweaty sex stops and thinks, “Gee I wish Patrick Demarchelier or the late Herb Ritz were here to capture this moment of perspiration inspiration for us.  God we look fabulous!”  For a guy it is probably, “Sweet, she is sweaty I bet I could get her to take a shower with me after and nail her again.”  For the woman it is probably, “Gee, this is fun but I smell his pits, I hope we move this to the shower soon!”

You can also submerge your entire bodies under a down comforter for a rainforest effect.

Oh?  Because the wet spot isn’t big enough you need to generate a lake effect?  For fuck’s sake, this broad is paid for this shit?  I am soooo in the wrong gig and my cleavage is far more impressive than hers.  If you are gonna show the rack on a website like this, at least wear a wonder bra, honey.

Fuck you to the study which says 40% of all tweets on twitter are useless babble.  Listen, bitches… everything I say on twitter is valuable information and by virtue of coming out of my brain is valid and not babble, dammit!  It seems this study was done by a firm here in San Antonio and you know what?  I think they need to hear from me.  Bitches!  Now I will say there is way too much spam on twitter but I am selective on who I follow so I seem minimal.

On a final note… Fuck you to Babs Boxter.  I hope this gal sends you ass packing. It probably will not happen but you never know.  If the one thing the bitch in office can say bad is that the opponent is anti-abortion then good luck.  California’s economy is sucking shit and they are taxed to death.  Eventually they will start voting their pocketbook and then you will have to answer for your goddamn insanity.  Hopefully… maybe?  Oh yeah and Fuck you to The First Woman President aka Prince Fuknut :)

There isn’t a fucking thing on TV!  Fuck you, TV. I have been forced to either watch episodes of the fucking Barefoot Contessa and whichever of her “gay husbands” she is cooking for today OR Jurassic Park III.

Fuck you to iPhone scratch guard film.  I fucking hate you.  I cannot get the goddamn thing on without bubbles.  I tried the way the instructions said to do it.  I tried the “taco” method the guy at the Apple Store suggested I use. They were out of them when I swapped my phone out so I couldn’t make him do it for me.  Fuck you, fuck you, and Fuck you again!  If anyone out there has magic iPhone scratch thingie mojo then you best get your asses over here and fix this shit for me!

Attention all men with salon highlights in their hair!  You. Are. Lame.  What is the look you are going for anyway? The I am an outdoorsy man and the sun has kissed my glorious locks look?   Sweetheart… precious… that is not the image you are projecting.  It is more akin to, I am too fucking lazy to get in the sun but i wanted to kind of have that Bodhi in Point Break thing going on. It is bad enough when I see this on young guys like under 18, but when I see this on grown ass men I have to ask myself, “Jennifer, what the fuck kind of man does this?”  You know the answer?  “A bitch ass man!”  Stop. The. Insanity!  I bet half of you were expecting me to say, “YOU. ARE. GAY!”  But honestly, that is an insult to gays.  No self respecting gay man highlights his goddamn hair.  It is just fucking stupid.  It is like the comb-over for the new generation.  Ugh.  What’s next?  Puka Shell Necklaces after the age of 12?  Actually past the age of 12 and beyond the year 1985.  Men, you want to do something at a salon beside getting your hair cut?  Have your balls waxed, that would be impressive.

Now on to something that needs to be said.  This whole Prop 8 gay marriage nonsense needs to come to an end.  Kiss In’s to piss off the Mormons for whatever it is they did to ruin the hopes of Gays in California to marry. Fuck you to this whole goddamn soap opera.  Personally I think they should just stop issuing marriage licenses all together.  No more government run marriage in the USA.  It is the only workable solution.  Just stop doing it entirely.

The Churches out there are more than welcome to marry anyone they want.  They can do really cool paperwork of their own.  You think I am nuts?  I am soooo not.  The Catholic church does this already in a way.  Today if you are married in the church and you divorce later the Church doesn’t recognize your divorce.  You have to have it annulled in the church.  Hell they still have me married to my first husband who I married at 19.

If you want to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your life or whatever you can draw up a contract and share you assets and legally change names.  All those mechanisms are already in place.  You want to marry two women or three men or any combination of the bunch then be my guest.  Just take care of your kids and stay off welfare.   If you decide the relationship isn’t for you then just go get the damn thing severed and be done.  I am starting to get behind the idea that the government should not be in the business of licensing anything at all beyond maybe Doctors (with FuknutCare this will probably be done at WalMart after a six week course) and folks in industries where what they do can cause bodily harm and you should have to prove some minimum competency to do it.

A big giant fuck you to John Prissypants Edwards. A prime fucking example of a bitch ass man.  I do not care that he was fucking around on his wife while she was sick, I really do not.  Not because I do not care that she was sick, cancer is a fucking bitch unto itself, but people handle grief and stress differently and honestly people have weak moments.  That said, when the affair was acknowledged a real fucking man if asked, “Is the child yours?” would say, “I do not know, but since I did fuck the woman, it is possible and I will seek a paternity test to determine if the child is mine and if so I will acknowledge this baby as my own and take financial and personal responsibility.”  Of course we know that:

1. He is a liberal and by virtue of that has no fucking clue what personal responsibility is.

2.  He knew it was his child from the get go, but at least something above would have hinted at having a halfsack

3. He is a cheese laden curdled pussy.

Leave it to a goddamn liberal to make knocking up your sancha a fucking grand jury convening event.  Ugh.  Why when you are loaded like Prissypants do you pay for your side gig out of campaign funds?  John Edwards is stupid AND a bitch.  Do not get me started on this Hunter fucker who claimed he was the father.  What is he anyway?  Who does that?  I do not think claim the baby is yours to save your buddy is a rule of the fucking Man Club.  Two words come to mind, down low. But what do I know?

Fuck you to professional sports, the NFL in particular. Really?  You need another goddamn marquee player who is a fucking felon?

The first year of the deal is for $1.6 million with an option for the second year at $5.2 million.

Oh even fucking better!  I think we should all email our First Woman President Princess Fuknut and tell him that we would like an extra tax levied on this “top earner” for being such a giant goddamn waste of the earth’s resources.  Let’s  take out the cost of the court’s time and fees, incarcerating him, and just having to look at his fucking face on the fucking news which is totally pain and suffering worthy costs.  Then let’s make sure he doesn’t get to itemize his fucking tax return.  Fuck you to this fucking felon and fuck you to the NFL for allowing any fucking felon to make his living doing anything that could put him in a position to be idolized by kids.  I hope he blows out his knee.

In a “60 Minutes” interview set to air Sunday, Vick accepted blame for not stopping the illegal dogfighting operation he bankrolled.

Vick said he feels “some tremendous hurt behind what happened.”

He said he should have taken “the initiative to stop it all … I didn’t.”

Asked if he was more concerned about his playing career or the dogs he hurt, Vick replied, “Football don’t even matter.”

Yeah, right.  Hahaha football is who you are mother fucker. It is all you ever were other than a stupid fucking bitch.  Football don’t even matter? Give me a fucking break.  But here in the fucked up world we live in, being a sadist and a fuck up is rewarded as long as you can play with a ball.

Harry Reid is Queen Bitch of the Day. You all know I hate this mother fucker.  He is a piece of shit the likes of which are only seen in public office.  Evil Mongers?

Such “evil-mongers” are using “lies, innuendo and rumor,” to drown out rational debate, Reid said.

Is that the best your bitch ass can come up with, Harry?  What a fucking pussy.  And let me ask the obvious fucking question:  What rational fucking debate?  You fuckers are not debating shit, you are goddamn steamrolling your pussy ass agenda to enslave us all and it really is that simple.  Fuck you, fuck you, and FUCK YOU AGAIN!

Oh and on to another liberal cocksucker.  Ed Shultz says Conservatives want Obama shot! In typical liberal fashion this is the same guy who wished Dick Cheney dead.  I get that, because Dick scares the hell out of pussy ass men.  But back to the main link.  Shoot Obama?  Hardly…  Here’s why:

1.  We conservatives prefer to vent our wholesale slaughtering tendencies on terrorists and murderous bastards on death row.

2. He is the First Woman President and that means something!

3. Wishing death on people who disagree with your POV is a game the left plays.  We are adults over here though I certainly feel like taking my toys and going play somewhere else.

4. Why would anyone want to waste a perfectly good round of ammunition?

Seriously, Ed… go fuck yourself and stop assuming the rest of us harbor your homicidal urges to kill anyone who doesn’t share our views. You are a  Bitch and a Pussy.

Now about our First Woman President...  exactly how many loads did you have to swallow to get the pharmco to go along with this?  What did you do?  Did you sell them some of your Klingon War Bride’s DNA for study in the possible treatment for people with really small foreheads?  All I know is there was alot of cocksucking going on in this deal.  I am not sure who was sucking who but trust me, loads were swallowed and asses reamed sans lube.   For that I will give a big fuck you to all parties involved and a mad giddy appreciation to Ace for linking AC/DC and reminding me a jr. high.

We live in a world with a singe goal… mediocrity.

This week we have a bitch suing her college cuz she doesn’t have a job.  Schools where honor rolls have been banned because it makes average kids feel inferior.  A fucking president who has never had a real job, an original thought, or worked for anything other than the right cock to suck to get ahead.  People being promoted in the workplace simply for kissing ass, faking it, and back stabbing while others work their asses off to build a resume so they can move to another job and another because they simply cannot fuck people over to get ahead so they move around and get their raises that way.  Parents giving their kids a million excuses to fail but non to succeed.

I grew up being told you will never have anything handed to you, Jennifer.  I was told that hard work and excellence would get me somewhere.  I was brought up to believe you act with integrity and honesty even when it is not the easy thing to do.  I taught that “I” am responsible for my own actions and the consequences of those actions.   I am now faced with living in a world where those things are scoffed at and somehow have to impart to my girls that hard work, honesty, integrity, and excellence are things to be admired even when it isn’t apparent anymore because I am not capable of anything else.   I cannot raise my kids to think they are entitled to everything they want and work is optional, there is always someone who will work so they do not have to.

A guy at work today when asked why he doesn’t trade in his car for a new one with the cash rebate answered, “I cannot afford a new car, I am busy paying for the one you bought this weekend with your rebate.”  Bank bail out, mortgage bailouts, extended unemployment benefits, more subsidies, more more more for nothing.  What do the folks who work hard to stay current on their bills get?  What do the people get who work hard to raise children who know right from wrong and teach them to strive and do the right thing?  You know what they get?  The fucking tab for everyone else and their quest for fucking mediocrity, that’s what they get.

I guess my point is the farce factor of the theme behind this film is not lost on me.  Sad thing that.

Psychological barriers like uncertainty, mistrust and denial keep most Americans from acting to fight climate change, a task force of the American Psychological Association said on Wednesday.

Mistrust?  Are you fucking kidding me?  It is way beyond that.  I do not trust a single thing a single person in Prince Fuknut’s administration says… ever.  I am not alone there.  Also, really?  Al Gore?  The man is about as  credible to anyone with a brain as oh hmm Joe Biden?  Two pathological and ego maniacal peas in a pod and they are warming up the extra room in the shell for Prince Fuknut.

Denial has nothing to do with it.  You cannot deny something you have not had fucking proven or explained or rationalized with an ounce of credibility.  Climate Hysteria spawned an entire fucking “green economy” and while I am all for capitalism, please spare me the white wash about how much better it is to buy the “green” version of Formula 409 or Windex  than the regular one.  If it is so much better than why make the bad on at all?  No fucking reason other than it is the same fucking shit without the freakin’ dye to make it pretty and blue or green or whatever

Best part?  “A task force of the American Psychological Association” a fucking task force?  Really?  I bet it smelled like patchouli, armpits, and tofu in that room.

I am watching the Ultimate Cake Off or something like that on TLC and one of the “cake artists” is this gal from Atlanta.  She is all typically southern, bottle blonde with bright red lipstick and too much make up that makes her look about ten years older than she is.  That is bad enough but  it can even be forgiven with a bit of make up 101.  You know what isn’t forgivable?

THE FUCKING HAIR BOW!

I hate hair bows.  Here is the rule, AGAIN…

If you are over the age of 14 (maybe 18 if you are a high school cheerleader and you are forced) you should never put a fucking bow in your hair.  You look like a idiot.  You know what makes hair bows even more of an affront to my fucking delicate sensitivities?  Sometime circa 1984 some sort of mutation or distortion of the hair bow market happened.  Hair bows grew to roughly the size of the average adult’s head.  So not only are they grossly age inappropriate, they are fucking gigantic.  On no planet does giant fucking pink bow scream “I am a grown woman!”

For fuck’s sake, this is worse than wearing white shoes.  Do not get me started on white shoes on grown women who are not in a bridal dress (even then I think a nice red or purple shoes is more fabulous).

Five More, baby…

1.  Because he is a pathological liar and a twat

2. ‘cuz that’s how he rolls…

3.  Because Nancy Pelosi said if he didn’t she would call in that favor he owes her and make him “pay the rent”.  Tongue exercises scare him.

4.  Because his Klingon War Bride has needs, baby.

Finally…

5.  He has to do something to make him feel clean after having to sit on plastic chairs in public while drinking beer with the plebs.   The arugula and Perrier bath didn’t do the trick.