For reasons that escape me I have become emotionally invested in Pleb’s neutering saga.  You have to give due respect to a man willing to share his little adventures in vasectomyland.  Well, I am sure it is like little. But you get my point.  I am not sure why I found this so amusing, but I did and well I have sympathy for Pleb and his pain and totally understand Mrs.  Pleb’s demand for sterilization.  It is like a little soap opera but without all the sex in barns and infidelity.

The Links in chronological order:

Vasectomy Chronicles

Unkindest Cut

A brief reprieve

Communication Problems

Say It Ain’t So!

Vasectomy: The Director’s Cut

Chill, man…

Excitable 5 year old Means Trouble!

Well, Pleb… it is over and you are now the proud shooter of blanks!  Welcome to the wonderful world of totally NON REPRODUCTIVE SEX!  It is soooo worth it.  Seriously…

Ok, I simply cannot tolerate Sandra Lee of the Semi-Homemade fad.  Her show on FoodTv is SHIT.  Shit I tell you.

I am a good cook and I am a foodie.  I am a huge fan of using as many canned, prepared, etc foods and making them something amazing.  I have a houseful of kids and while I love to cook, I am not going to make an all day soup when I can do one damn near as good in about 45 minutes.  That said…

What this bitch does is not making something better.  It is taking something bland and making it uhm… making it the same but putting a fucking garnish on it and calling it gourmet.  Ugh.  I could kind of hang with her in the beginning today.  She made olive puffs.  Take puff pastry (which I love) and roll it out a bit, smear some good stuff on it, cheese it, roll it, cut it, egg wash it, and bake it.  Voila!  It was edible except for the fact she basically smeared an entire can of tomato paste as a base.  Uhm, not so much.

I actually laughed aloud at her Asparagus risotto which came out of a box, not that there is anything wrong with that, but making it “homemade” is not the result of basically chopping an asparagus stem and floating them before you cover it.   What she did next will haunt me for a while…

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Crazy crazy crazy.

I HATE SHAREPOINT!

There… I feel better.

Dave’s lens replacement is tomorrow AM.  Work is going to hell in a hand basket and nothing I can do about that.  I will be around tomorrow afternoon for some light posting between dragging my doped up husband home post-op and trying to work from home.

Here’s hoping it isn’t as bad as fell certain it is going to be.

muah!

Yesterday wifey gave me a call at 5:30 am while I was at work. This is never good because wifey doesn’t get up that early voluntarily. Turns out that our youngest daughter had come to her bed and said she didn’t feel good. Wifey told her to beat feet to the bathroom, but she didn’t quite make it. She power heaved all over our bedroom carpet. Yum.

I think I’m going to have to give a vomit training seminar to my children. There really is no need to give me a warning about the impending vomit. They need to be taught to head directly to the john, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Anywhere they deposit their yack in the bathroom is infinitely better than on the carpet. Nothing makes your day like picking up half-digested chunks of grub off the floor. In the bathroom, I can at least mop it all.

Fun, fun, fun.

via: Ace

Global Warming Loon of the Day Winner is… Dr. McPherson:

Dr. McPherson has a bachelor’s degree in forest resources from the University of Idaho, a master’s degree in range science from Texas Tech University and a doctorate in range science from Texas Tech.

Not to knock Texas Tech, a fine fine university, but they should have throttled this guy. I have a dear friend who is totally into the whole save Gaia thing and he has trouble with me because I am the ultimate skeptic. I cannot help it. Anytime you have people screaming, screeching and calling wolf every five minutes it tends to dilute the message. Add it to obviously bad science and a Spokesman For Gaia who is a sanctimonious asshat who suffers from delusions of grandeur and I am not buying.

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I made my monthly trek to Costco today and spent entirely too much money, as always. It was renewal time and the kid checking me out said I owed them fifty bucks, yay. Meh.

The manager Maurey suggested the premium membership etc and I said, well if I didn’t have to write a check to the IRS today, I might take him up on it. Then he says, “No joke, it is way past time for “CHANGE” in our administration.” I gave him the patented Raised Eyebrow of Doom look and said, “You did not just feed me the Barry O slogan, did you, Maurey?”

He said, well we need some change. I said, well you will have people spending a lot less money here when he taxes the fuck out of 100% of the people who shop here. You do not have poor folks shopping at Costco, sorry. Then as I am walking out and he is walking with me, of course, because he has to save the world from their conservative ignorance, he says “You know those aircraft that flew into the world trade center were driven by Saudis! Our Rose Garden best friends. Why are we in Iraq?”

I said, “Maurey, sweetie… We are in Iraq because a madman was refusing inspections and had been ignoring UN resolutions for far too long and our enemies were working in his country. Not to mention YOUR own party believed and had been preaching for years he had WMDs.” I wasn’t going to explain to him anything more difficult. Mind you, this was a grown ass man my parents age.

He said, “I am about as conservative as a democrat can be, but I cannot vote for a Republican.” To which I said, “That is a shame, because the republican is not all that politically different than Hillary if you take out healthcare and the fact he has a spine about Iraq. You must really want to pay more taxes and have your gun rights eroded to the point of nonexistent.” At that point he said something about just wanting change. I wished him a good day and said, “I would tell you good luck with your Change, but there is nothing good about that variety of change. Have a great day!”

The world is full of Sheep, folks. Full of sheep…

Why do celebrities and musicians have to fucking talk? Why is that?

Alicia Keys, who’s music I enjoyed, has not only imbibed the Black Panther Kool-Aid, she has transfused it. Ugh!

NEW YORK (AP) – There’s another side to Alicia Keys: conspiracy theorist. The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter tells Blender magazine: ”’Gangsta rap’ was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. ‘Gangsta rap’ didn’t exist.”

Keys, 27, said she’s read several Black Panther autobiographies and wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck “to symbolize strength, power and killing ‘em dead,” according to an interview in the magazine’s May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

Another of her theories: That the bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled “by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing.”

Yes, sweetie. That is exactly right. Fight the power! Oh yeah, while you’re at it, shut the fuck up!  Ugh, it is like a national hysteria these days.  Gold Plated AK47 to symbolize strength, power, and killing ‘em dead?  Another fine role model for black America this gal.

I can only imagine what it is like to sit and have dinner with celebrities like this. Can you imagine the dinner conversations? Closest thing I can think of would be Obama in a room full of San Francisco liberal elitists and trying to share his insights on rural Americans. Can you imagine that conversation?

Proposed State Tax on Beer of $1.80 per six-pack. Where you ask? Well, California of course!

Joe Six-pack will have to pay a lot more to get his buzz on if Assemblyman Jim Beall has his way.

The San Jose Democrat on Thursday proposed raising the beer tax by $1.80 per six-pack, or 30 cents per can or bottle. The current tax is 2 cents per can. That’s an increase of about 1,500 percent.

Beall said the tax would generate $2 billion a year to fund health care services, crime prevention and programs to prevent underage drinking and addiction.

“The people who use alcohol should pay for part of the cost to society, just like we’ve accepted that concept with tobacco,” Beall said.

Just so you know, every time I see the word Assemblyman, I read it as Abysmal Man for some reason. In this case it is apropos, but it is some sort of brain damage on my part any other time.

Mike Fox Sr., chairman of San Jose-based beer distributor M.E. Fox & Co., said Beall’s heart is in the right Advertisement place. “He’s very dedicated in areas of health,” Fox said. “But a tax of that nature is far too grievous. The beer industry produces so much for the economy. He won’t get to first base with that.”

I would say it is safe to assume Abysmal Man Beall hasn’t gotten to first base in a long while! I feel certain if California could figure out a way to tax the level of piss a single human passes in a given day they would. Bruce is currently doing the family thing at the river for the weekend, when he gets back I need two explanations; 1. How does he manage not to strangle someone on a daily basis. 2. What the fuck is he still doing in California when Texas is where he belongs?

Parents Deciding to Have A Third Child Met with Scorn…

My husband and I are getting ready to do what many couples in these brink-of-recessionary times would consider unthinkable. No, we’re not buying a Martha’s Vineyard retreat or planning a month in St. Bart’s or eco-decorating our house.

We’re planning to have a third child.

What shocks people, when we tell them, isn’t the thought of hauling three kids onto a place for a vacation, or even the idea of coming home every night to a houseful of runny noses and homework assignments. What gets them is the sheer financial audacity. Raising kids today costs a fortune. Last month, the Department of Agriculture estimated that each American child costs an average of $204,060 to house, clothe, educate and entertain until the age of 18.

But to me, a family with just two kids seems minimalist, and even a bit sad. Back in the 1970s, when my husband and I were born, sprawling families were more common. My husband had two sisters and, following a Brady-Bunchy set of remarriages in my family, I wound up with seven brothers, real and step. I’ve always fantasized about creating a “Meet Me in St. Louis”-style household of my own, with children constantly underfoot and enough relatives around to skip to my lou en masse.

And yet nowadays, people seem aghast if a couple wants more than two children. When Elana Sigall, a 43-year-old attorney in Brooklyn, was pregnant with her third, people came up to her constantly, she said, to admonish her: “You’ve got a boy and a girl already. Why don’t you just leave it alone?”

Amateurs I say! Three kids? Try four… Unless you had all three at one time (gives momotrips her earned acknowledgment) , I am not impressed. j/k

I only have four children and still I am usually a source of surprise for people when they ask about my family. I am not sure if they are more surprised I have four children or that they are all girls. I always piss off the folks out there with single children when I say you have no idea what parenting is really about. Bear with me before you start freaking out, parents of only children. (more…)