It is glorious in San Antonio today.  It has been so for a few days.  Spring is here or Summer Light as we like to call it.  The sun is shining and it is shaping up to be another mild and sunny day.  I have been putting off taking care of the last bit of settling in after my move and today I have to do it.  So i am going to assemble the last of the girl’s new beds so they are no longer sleeping on a mattress on the floor like some sort of savages.

It is Easter Egg night.  Woo woo.  Gotta dye them babies so they can hide and hunt them tomorrow after church.  The plan is to make egg salad as soon as they leave to visit their Dad in the afternoon.  I loves me some egg salad.

I decided a few years ago Easter had to be an easier holiday for me.  I do not cook a huge meal and usually I do not have extended family and friends here on this holiday.  I got a boneless ham to bake and some fingerling potatoes to bake with all sorts of good buttery seasoning.  I haven’t decided on the token veggie though I do have the stuff to make the cucumber and sour cream salad of Kat’s that I love so much.

The trick to Easter is to hide all the candy the kids get at the first opportunity.  Hide it from them, but more importantly hide it from yours truly.  There is a perfect confection in this world and it is the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg.  Oh how I love the creamy salty goodness that melts in my mouth.  Every year I say I am not going to buy them and every year I manage to buy them.  They are the heroin of candy.  The only thing in the same ballpark are those Ferrer Roche thingies, not the gold foil ones, but the silver ones.  They are some sort of toasted coconut decadence and you can only buy them in a box with the others.  They are little nuggets of heaven.

Well the purpose of this entry was not so much to keep you all on the edge of your seats as to the details of my day as much as to give me yet another opportunity to stall about said tasks.    I cannot stall any longer.  I shall return.  If I am not back by this afternoon, call the president.

While I am female perfection, even I will admit there are a handful of days a month you really should tread lightly. The best of women have some mood issues. The following ten simple tips could save you much pain, many unnecessary fights, and perhaps even your life.

1. Understand you are wrong. It is a simple thing.


2. Be particularly aware of your tone of voice. If you are not capable of keeping it kind, loving, and benign, do not speak. Five days of silence can be a good thing.


3. Do not ever say “The house is a wreck.” Even if you do not mean for her to get up and clean it she is going to take it as a personal attack. Just clean it or let it go.


4. Do not take your shower before she has a chance to take her bath. Nothing will set off a berserker blood lust like a fucking luke warm bath because you had to have a hot shower first.


5. Do not eat the last cookie, piece of chocolate, or drink the last can of Coke Zero. Only woe lies there and you really do not need it nearly as badly as she does.


6. If she wants to watch BravoTV all day, that is ok. Even if it is the twenty-fifth rerun of Season 4 Project Runway. She fucking likes the fashion, leave her the hell alone. Have you no soul?


7. This is an excellent time to be the greatest Dad in the world. Take the kids to see a movie in the morning. This will totally be appreciated and when the time comes you will sooooo get laid for doing this.


8. When she says, “I love Rocky Road Ice Cream” it is code for; “If you fucking loved me at any point in our life together you would get up and go buy me some.” Suggesting she eat the ice cream you actually have in the freezer is not going to do anything but prove you are no longer deeply in love with her. She simply wants what isn’t in the freezer. If you had Rocky Road she would want Tin Roof or Caramel Turtle Fudge.


9. It is perfectly acceptable and understandable when every fourth sentence out of her mouth is, “God, my tits hurt.” They do, you insensitive bastards.


10. Finally, giggling as she constantly drops stuff, loses stuff, or huffs around talking to herself is not going to make anything better. While it might seem amusing to you and amusing to her any other time of the month, at that moment you might as well be waving a red cape at her and taunting her with a reese’s peanut butter egg. It aint cute.

So there you have it, Demure Thoughts PSA #1; read it, learn it, live it.

Ok, I love getting my hair done and it has been months since the last time. I always make the girl flat iron it because I like to see it straight every now and then. I own a flat iron, but well that is WAY too much effort and time.

New Hair! Yay! /end girl moment.

Straight Hair! Well as straight as mine gets!

I am always raving and stressing the importance of my eyebrow girl, Kerry. She is a goddess among women and I had those done last week. The Jennifer, her eyebrows are Super Fantastic. (this week… next week Yeti Time.)

Anyway, I am going clean house and thought I would leave you with the cocked eyebrow above that shows exactly how much I want to clean freakin’ house!

Tomorrow is “Steak and BJ Day” and trust me, your man remembers.

I am sure Ace and his band of randy morons will remind us all day tomorrow.

Thanks to Unabrewer for the friendly reminder.  I am sure all you guys are grateful he is so conscientious.  I am sure we would all be more grateful if he actually started bloggin’ again.

Yay!  They got interviewed by Matt Lauer about their current efforts to have a child/children (its twins!) with an indian surrogate.

Read the article and watch the video!

I am in the new place!  Yay me!  That said… moving sucks.  We did what grown ups do this time round… we hired young people to do the heavy lifting.  It was bliss.  5.5 hours of manual labor for 300 bucks plus gratuity.  Worth twice that.

The new place is phenomenal… honestly.  It is a home without all the bullshit like a lawn and property taxes.  My master bedroom is HUGE and the master bath is enough to make me all giddy.  Two words… Jetted Tub.  Need I say more?

Hands down, the best thing about this place other than the dark hardwood floors and fireplace and 12 foot ceilings in the living room?  I have a ginormous kitchen with stainless appliances and granite counters.  It get emotional walking into it.

I am still in the midst of unpacking but making progress!

Had amazing meal tonight for my husband’s 40th bday.  We visited the much lauded Kirby’s steakhouse.  I had the Lady Bird Johnson Oyster appetizer.  Dave had the lobster bisque.  I had the chilean sea bass on lobster risotto.  Dave had the filet and king crab.  They asked if we had an occasion and we mentioned Dave’s bday.  They brought out a freshly baked brownie cake for two with a ganache and walnuts on top with a large scoop of vanilla ice cream and a “happy birthday” chocolate ribbon. 

It was like really great sex on a plate.  Did I mention it was good? 

The service was phenominal.  The food even more phenominal.  They discounted 10% for “special occasion” and the manager wrote the appetizers off because it was our first visit.  It is not a place to eat everyday, but dear God.  It was worth every penny of the 160 buck tab. 

I am so going here for my anniversery. 

Twenty Million Stars!

My 100 things and 50 More are updated.

There are certain things that really make me laugh and certain people that really make me laugh. Then there is Never. Never is probably the most spontaneously funny and genuinely sincere young man i know. He always manages to amuse me and entertain me even when I have the blahs. Below are a few recent exchanges with him. I first started chatting with Never on dalnet when I kept taunting him on his need for a new nick every five minutes. I would list the known nicks but then we would be here all day. Just note that for purposes of this entry: laserhobo = Never.

laserhobo:How are you?

JenDiva1969:i am fine. Singing with my radio, thats it

laserhobo:Bleh. You should be out fighting crime with your super-powers!

JenDiva1969:will you be my sidekick? You can ride in the side car and toss jujubees at pedestrians

laserhobo:Yes! You’ll be Terrifying Indestructible Woman with Lasers and I’ll be Humorous Ineffectual Boy!

JenDiva1969:hahahahahhaha

laserhobo:My battle cry will be “Ummm, get ‘em, Jennifer!”

JenDiva1969:i must post that somewhere

laserhobo:”Shut the fuck up, you idiot, that’s my real name and this is my secret identity!” “Oh, fuck. I did it again. Looks like they all have to die!” “We’ll just blame it on Scientologists like we always do.”

JenDiva1969:yes!!!

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