The Saga Continues…

Yesterday wifey gave me a call at 5:30 am while I was at work. This is never good because wifey doesn’t get up that early voluntarily. Turns out that our youngest daughter had come to her bed and said she didn’t feel good. Wifey told her to beat feet to the bathroom, but she didn’t quite make it. She power heaved all over our bedroom carpet. Yum.

I think I’m going to have to give a vomit training seminar to my children. There really is no need to give me a warning about the impending vomit. They need to be taught to head directly to the john, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Anywhere they deposit their yack in the bathroom is infinitely better than on the carpet. Nothing makes your day like picking up half-digested chunks of grub off the floor. In the bathroom, I can at least mop it all.

Fun, fun, fun.

Parents Deciding to Have A Third Child Met with Scorn…

My husband and I are getting ready to do what many couples in these brink-of-recessionary times would consider unthinkable. No, we’re not buying a Martha’s Vineyard retreat or planning a month in St. Bart’s or eco-decorating our house.

We’re planning to have a third child.

What shocks people, when we tell them, isn’t the thought of hauling three kids onto a place for a vacation, or even the idea of coming home every night to a houseful of runny noses and homework assignments. What gets them is the sheer financial audacity. Raising kids today costs a fortune. Last month, the Department of Agriculture estimated that each American child costs an average of $204,060 to house, clothe, educate and entertain until the age of 18.

But to me, a family with just two kids seems minimalist, and even a bit sad. Back in the 1970s, when my husband and I were born, sprawling families were more common. My husband had two sisters and, following a Brady-Bunchy set of remarriages in my family, I wound up with seven brothers, real and step. I’ve always fantasized about creating a “Meet Me in St. Louis”-style household of my own, with children constantly underfoot and enough relatives around to skip to my lou en masse.

And yet nowadays, people seem aghast if a couple wants more than two children. When Elana Sigall, a 43-year-old attorney in Brooklyn, was pregnant with her third, people came up to her constantly, she said, to admonish her: “You’ve got a boy and a girl already. Why don’t you just leave it alone?”

Amateurs I say! Three kids? Try four… Unless you had all three at one time (gives momotrips her earned acknowledgment) , I am not impressed. j/k

I only have four children and still I am usually a source of surprise for people when they ask about my family. I am not sure if they are more surprised I have four children or that they are all girls. I always piss off the folks out there with single children when I say you have no idea what parenting is really about. Bear with me before you start freaking out, parents of only children. (more…)

Mondays suck, but they usually are not bloody.  Daughter number 3, the dramaqueen and injury magnent lost a fight with the four year old’s head.  The four year old has a hell of a coconut, obviously.  Somehow they collided and Daughter No. 3 basically bit damn near through her tongue.

I hear “that scream” the one that says, someone is bleeding, and then Daughter No. 2 is running in saying D#4 smacked D#3 with her head and she is bleeding everywhere!  Sure enough when the injured party stopped screaming long enough to move her feet toward my location she had blood dripping out of her mouth like a vampire.

We did the wash the mouth out routine and administered the greatest cure known to mankind; an ice cube.  There isn’t much an ice cube doesn’t make feel better.  Burns, bites, bumps, and bruises… all golden with a cube of ice and a dose of motrin.

Will blog some more later…. chicken chalupas for dinner! woo woo…

1. Oprah Winfrey makes me want to break things. I was enjoying my trip to the book store until I saw her magazine with her bulldog mug on it at the check out. It totally fucked with my chi.
2. Stupid people outnumber us 1,000:1 easily.
3. I have gotten more combative in my dotage. If you are a smart ass clerk, salesperson, or anyone working in the service industry; prepare for war.
4. If I have to listen to one more “True Believer” tell me how great Obama is, I might get violent.
5. I despise gum chewing and it should be illegal.
6. Calling Hillary Clinton a Fucking Whore is just silly. I feel certain she hasn’t been fucking anyone or anything in years. How old is Chelsae? 20something?
7. Keith Olbermann is a cocksucking lunatic. Seriously, the man isn’t well.
8. I like cheese.
9. I feel certain the Hobbits are all gay.
10. I blame my mood on that idiot with his kid on his motorcycle.

The Hubby just sent this to me and I saw it a while back. I am still not sure about all of them but he makes a valid point about the OCD nature in which we try to bubble wrap our kids….

Basically his five things are:

1. Play with fire


2. Own a pocket knife


3. Throw a spear


4. Deconstruct appliances


5. Break the DMCA / Drive a car

I will link the video at the bottom of the post. I am a bit OCD about my kids safety, but not so much about child proofing. I did use plug covers, cuz sticking shit in the light socket is not one of those little adventures you tend to survive. I didn’t do the cabinet locks. I didn’t do that stupid ass shield thing around the stove top that would probably make me MORE likely to spill something all over the floor and scald myself and my kids than protect anyone from anything. I was not careless with things in my house, but I was not obsessed either.

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There is this disgusting trend in America these days, not just in the workforce, education, and politics, but in parenting as well. The celebration of mediocrity.

The bosses who walk around stroking the egos of their employees and constantly telling them how great a job their doing, when in fact they are just doing what they are paid to do.

Teachers and schools rewarding students with parties because everyone did their homework for an entire month!

Adjusting perfect attendance policies to “missing X number of days or less per year” is not perfect attendance.

Politicians bragging about all the bills they pushed to the floor and legislation they sponsored. Making a big deal over the hours they worked to get a particular issue addressed. Is that not their job? (more…)

While hitting my Google Feeds this morning I hit BMEWS to see what Drew was talking about this morning and found this entry. I have been pondering how to address this whole issue without sounding like a hysteric with too much coffee in her system so I decided after reading his entry that I need to just do it. So here it goes…

Barry O’s speech accomplished a few things this week and his comments since have brought to light a few more attitudes he seems to harbor. Whether he was addressing race to cover his ass about Jerry “Goddamn America” Wright, which is what any thinking person in this country believes, or if he was just moving up the date on a speech he had planned to deliver about race in this country, one thing is certain… he succeeded in stirring up a racial shit storm.

Yes, his approval ratings have suffered as a result of the eloquent but shameless rationalizing of his relationship with Rev. Wright. That said, Obama did manage to take the attention away from his startling ineptitude when it comes to the war in Iraq and national security in general. Is it a good trade off? Time will tell, but for the moment the country is talking about race.

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The Article

This story has been floating around the blogosphere for the last day or so and I am just now getting around to reading the stuff. Former Gov. McGreevey if you remember resigned from office a few years ago for having an affair with an aide and being gay, who cares? The point is, he had a press conference, told the world he was gay and regretted any harm to his wife and kids.

His ex-wife Dina wrote a book, they are having an ugly divorce, etc. She has made herself into the perfect victim wife and I get it. I mean if your man cheats on you with a woman, that is one thing, but cheating with a man brings in a whole other set of issues. That said, it seems the former First Lady of New Jersey liked to get her freak on as well. (more…)

The first question I have for the folks who hire out the actually parenting part of parenting is, “Why the fuck didn’t you just get a dog? Why bring a child into this world you had no intention of adjusting your life to raise?”

Shit like this article illustrate perfectly what is wrong with the world today. You and I will get to experience the product of a generation of kids who learn from their parents to just hire out the difficult yet extraordinary things life has to offer for the sake of convenience.

A Coach at the Crib And a Consultant at the Potty

Maria Zimmitti didn’t set out to become, in her words, the potty lady.

Now eager parents line up to pay her $250 for a consultation, with topics like quelling a toilet rebellion and pointers on how to avoid one.

“Sometimes a parent will say, ‘How about I pay you $5,000 and you potty train for me?’ ” Zimmitti said. “They’re halfway joking.”

Zimmitti is part of a niche service sector that has appeal among busy, anxious and often well-heeled parents in the region who want help with some of the most important and intimate child-rearing duties.

For them, paying a personal shopper $30 to spend an afternoon tracking down a coveted tutu for a 2-year-old is money well spent. For other parents, the baby-services sector is a lifeline that can rescue them from sleepless nights or protect their children from getting hurt at home.

I am all for seeking help on how to do things yourself. I have a few books I acquired when I was a new mother and things seemed a bit daunting. I relied on my mother for a great deal of advise and she willingly gave it. There is however a point where you stop parenting and start outsourcing the rearing of your children. For example: If you are having trouble breastfeeding then a lactation consultant can save you much heartache and stress. That said, hiring a wet nurse is a bit freakin’ much.

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