Bill Clinton was asked on NBC’s “Meet the Press” whether the conspiracy is still there. He replied: “You bet. Sure it is. It’s not as strong as it was because America has changed demographically. But it’s as virulent as it was.”

Clinton said that this time around, the focus is on Obama and “their agenda seems to be wanting him to fail.”

You have to giggle at the bolded statements.  He will get on board with the VRWC being in play, but must point out it is not as bad as when he was in office.  You know it is all about him, people.  There is nothing that happens to anyone who could be as severe or noteworthy as what has happened to this douche bag.  It is as virulent as it ever was, he says.  Yes, like herpes, which I feel certain Mr. Clinton is an expert on.

I love the whole bit about the agenda of the Right being the failure of Obama.  Uhm  yeah, it is.  Duh.  I could say it isn’t the man I want to fail just his policies, but the practice of trying to separate a man from his actions is what has gotten this country into the shit hole it is today.  To say you want Obama’s policies to fail not Obama himself is like saying you wished Iran’s Almondjoyhadine’s policies to fail but you hope he doesn’t fail in general as their elected leader.  FUCK YOU.

A man is defined by his actions or lack there of.  There is no separating the act from the person who commits it.  That is like saying the act is a living breathing thinking entity that has the ability to stand on its own.  It is fucking stupid.  It is also the foundation of everything liberal in this fucking country.

“Hate the act not the man because I am sure he has a reason for being like he is.”  You know what I am talking about, right?  Some guy kills a bunch of women and it isn’t his fault, he is “ill” or he was “abused”.  Hate what he did, not who he is; he couldn’t help it.  Fuck you again.  Yeah, that particular school of thought has served us as a culture so well.   How dare anyone want anyone else to fail!  Frankly, I want the idiot not only to fail, I want him to fail spectacularly.

Let’s be honest, what is the worst thing that can happen here?  Obamacare fails=positive outcome.  Failure to emasculate the military =positive.  Failure to raise taxes on the people actually working for a living =Positive.

But wishing failure on your elected President is sending the wrong message to the world, Jennifer!  They will think we are weak!

Hello, assholes, they already think we have a pussy in the White House, that is obvious to everyone expect the folks who have their head lodged in their asses.  When your biggest supporters in the collection of world leaders are the biggest lunatics on the planet you might be doing something wrong.  When the leader of France is calling you a pussy and naive, then you KNOW something is fucking wrong:

“President Obama dreams of a world without weapons … but right in front of us two countries are doing the exact opposite.

“Iran since 2005 has flouted five security council resolutions. North Korea has been defying council resolutions since 1993.

“I support the extended hand of the Americans, but what good has proposals for dialogue brought the international community? More uranium enrichment and declarations by the leaders of Iran to wipe a UN member state off the map,” he continued, referring to Israel.

The sharp-tongued French leader even implied that Mr Obama’s resolution 1887 had used up valuable diplomatic energy.

“If we have courage to impose sanctions together it will lend viability to our commitment to reduce our own weapons and to making a world without nuke weapons,” he said.

Mr Sarkozy has previously called the US president’s disarmament crusade “naive.”

Dear God, the French have more balls and a better grasp of the world than Prince Fuknut.  THE FRENCH!  Yeah, I want Obama to fail, folks.  I want him to fail at every single fucking thing on his leftist agenda.  I want him to be sitting back in five years making a bunch of news appearances and being just as much of a joke as Jimmy Carter is.  Though honestly, Fuknut has the potential to outdo Carter at being a fuck up.  He isn’t even a year into office and every single decision, policy, and the countless missteps would be comical if they were not so fucking detrimental to our way of life.

Now onto the soap opera that is the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter affair.  This whole fiasco has been absurd since the get go.  Edwards likes to fuck around, this is not new.  He gets in a bit of a pickle when he knocks up his flavor of the month.  Enter loyal aide/dumbfuck  Andrew Young who decides to take one for the team and say the baby is his, not St. Edward of the Prissy Pants.   Why would he do this?  To save Elizabeth the humiliation, or some such shit.  Uhm, really?  Insert some shady payoffs out of his campaign fund etc…

Then we have the media hop in, or refuse to hop in, out of deference to Elizabeth.  Do not get me started on how this would have played out had it been George W. Bush having a love child and if Laura Bush were cancer stricken.  Suffice it to say this story would have been on billboards, front pages, and on a goddamn ticker interrupting my Prime Time tv shows.  Olberman would have spooged on live TV he would have been so overcome with joy.  But anyway, back to the story…

Edwards admits to the affair but not the child being his, like somehow an affair is ok to admit to but having a child isn’t.  As a general rule the America people could care less about the fidelity of their elected officials but what tends to rub folks wrong is the idea of fathering children during said affairs.  I say what bothers me is that he didn’t just come out and say, “yes that is my child and I plan to provide for her and be a part of her life.  I have made errors in judgment but an innocent baby shouldn’t have to pay the prices for my sins.”  Hahahah yeah, right.  He probably spend weeks begging her to get an abortion, then sent in his buddies to try to convince her to have an abortion checkbook in hand.  Alas, Ms. Hunter decided not to have an abortion for whatever reasons, I am thinking fiscal not moral, but I am a cynic.

So a few weeks ago the rumors started circulating that Johnny was going to acknowledge the child is his own, big man that he is.  Poor Elizabeth, she is cranky about the whole thing.  She has cancer after all and therefore is absolved before the fact for anything she says or does with regard to this affair.   I have said before on this issue that lynching Edwards for having an affair while his wife was sick is something I was unwilling to do.  Grief is a terrible thing and I am not going to sit in judgment on how people grieve things like this.  It is not really any of our business why he was banging Ms. Hunter or “when” he was fucking her.

What is significant is the accusation of misuse of campaign funds to cover this up.  That should piss folks off.   Even if you are one of those folks who expects their elected officials to be faithful to their marriage then the fact he fucked around is enough, the fact he did it when his wife was sick is not relevant; you disapprove from the get go.   For me the idea his affair was somehow more inappropriate because his wife was sick is the same wacked out logic behind hate crime legislation.

Cold blooded murder is cold blooded murder regardless of the motivation for doing it.   Not that infidelity is in the same ballpark as murder, I am just saying the act and the end results are not mitigated or made worse by the motivation.   Edward’s refusal to acknowledge this child as his own is a bitch ass move and has nothing to do with the fact his wife is sick, he would have been a bitch about it anyway.

Elizabeth Edwards is still the same wacked out leftist lunatic she was before she got sick, folks.  I am sorry she is sick, no one deserves cancer but making her some sort of martyr because of it is just stupid.  Besides, Elizabeth has done the typical female bullshit that pisses me off about women with hound dog husbands.  She decided to vent her anger at the woman involved instead of targeting the fucking spouse.

Be honest and admit  in the end it was Johnny Boy’s choice to fuck around on his wife, right?  Was Ms Hunter’s vagina so overwhelmingly tempting that he lost his ability to choose?  I think not, folks.  He fucked her, he knocked her up, then he proved how much of a bitch he is but refusing to acknowledge the child.  Elizabeth is apparently taking it to the “blog comments” at this point and making herself look like a lunatic, but then we all know she is nuts.

Word is Elizabeth vehemently opposed the plan, now in place, for Hunter and daughter Quinn to move from New Jersey to Wilmington, N.C., where the Edwardses have a beach house.

For months now, Elizabeth, who is said to be talking to a divorce lawyer, also has been sniping at Hunter – painting her as a blackmailing gold digger – in blog comments where she uses the pseudonym “Cherubim,” according to a source who knows Elizabeth.

The article also says she is speaking to a divorce lawyer and goes on about Andrew Young’s books and other things.  Elizabeth, honey… divorce him and worry about yourself or stay and shut the fuck up in public, you are embarrassing yourself here.  I agree with you that  Ms. Hunter is quite certainly a gold-digger and resorting to whatever means necessary to have herself financially set for life, but does that change the fact your husband knocked her up and has a legal responsibility to support this child and a moral responsibility to acknowledge her?  Not so much, sorry.

In the end it doesn’t matter one iota if Ms. Hunter purposefully got herself pregnant in order to have a hold on your husband and your millions, not even a little.  The fact is, there is a child who bears no responsibility for the lack of character of her parents.  A child, who like your own children, deserves the support of her father and to be acknowledged by her father; piece of shit he may be.  Your children, ma’am have a young sibling who they deserve to know and you do not have the right to sabotage that relationship because of your own humiliation.  It sucks, yeah, but as parents we know that someday we will be gone and all our children will have is each other when you get right down to it.

I do not understand women but I understand pain and humiliation of this variety oh too well, still in the end you have to do what is right, don’t you?  I know doing the right things is a  really “gray” area for the left, but try hard.  If you cannot stand the idea of every other weekend and a day a week having this child in your house then get a divorce; it really is that simple.  Life sucks, honey… get the hell over it.

Yes, you read that right.  A woman, a mother (I use that term loosely) encouraging her minor child to get pregnant before she turned 18 because as a dependent of her military father she could have the baby for $20 bucks.  Best part?  The girl, 18 now and a mother, is pissed off because she cannot go out and party so she leaves the baby with her mother.  Oh no, that puts a cramp in Grandmama’s style cuz she wants to go out and party too.  So now they are always trying to pawn the baby off on this guy’s parents.  OH. MY. GOD.

One more fucking reason to hate people.  That makes me fucking nauseated.

We live in a world with a singe goal… mediocrity.

This week we have a bitch suing her college cuz she doesn’t have a job.  Schools where honor rolls have been banned because it makes average kids feel inferior.  A fucking president who has never had a real job, an original thought, or worked for anything other than the right cock to suck to get ahead.  People being promoted in the workplace simply for kissing ass, faking it, and back stabbing while others work their asses off to build a resume so they can move to another job and another because they simply cannot fuck people over to get ahead so they move around and get their raises that way.  Parents giving their kids a million excuses to fail but non to succeed.

I grew up being told you will never have anything handed to you, Jennifer.  I was told that hard work and excellence would get me somewhere.  I was brought up to believe you act with integrity and honesty even when it is not the easy thing to do.  I taught that “I” am responsible for my own actions and the consequences of those actions.   I am now faced with living in a world where those things are scoffed at and somehow have to impart to my girls that hard work, honesty, integrity, and excellence are things to be admired even when it isn’t apparent anymore because I am not capable of anything else.   I cannot raise my kids to think they are entitled to everything they want and work is optional, there is always someone who will work so they do not have to.

A guy at work today when asked why he doesn’t trade in his car for a new one with the cash rebate answered, “I cannot afford a new car, I am busy paying for the one you bought this weekend with your rebate.”  Bank bail out, mortgage bailouts, extended unemployment benefits, more subsidies, more more more for nothing.  What do the folks who work hard to stay current on their bills get?  What do the people get who work hard to raise children who know right from wrong and teach them to strive and do the right thing?  You know what they get?  The fucking tab for everyone else and their quest for fucking mediocrity, that’s what they get.

I guess my point is the farce factor of the theme behind this film is not lost on me.  Sad thing that.

So what the hell am I going to do with myself?

Today I am going get my nails and piggies done and do some shopping.  That’s right, drown my sorrows in retail therapy.  I might require shoes, it is a matter a mental health stability…

It is brilliant and totally accurate.   Visit the Gallery often.  Great stuff.  The forums are fun too :)
——————————————-

Parent Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don’t believe anyone would ever do it!!!!

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Pa, Papa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do…or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE ?
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!! **
If you are fortunate enough, you will become grandparents!

GRANDPARENTS GET TO START OVER!

And we need also to not get ourselves in debt. Let’s do what our parents told us before we probably even got that first credit card. Don’t live outside of our means. We need to make sure that as individuals we’re taking personal responsibility through all this.

God forbid you actually buy a house you can afford!  Perish the thought!  It isn’t some douchebag’s fault that he bought a house he couldn’t afford with three times his salary.  He is a victim of evil mortgage lenders.  Yeah, they are asshats and predatory, but you know what?  Your stupid ass shouldn’t fall for it. In fact those bitches were so “smart” after getting in early on this and having their home values go up you know what they did?  They borrowed against the home’s inflated value and bought BMWs and bullshit.  I am suppose to not only pity you but give you my money to fix it?  On behalf of thinking Americans with jobs who try to live within their means… Fuck you, sincerely.

This mortgage crisis aka  mortgage cluster fuck from here on out is the latest manifestation of Political Correctness to bite us in the collective ass.  Not only are we all entitled to feel special by virtue of our skin color and/or inflated sense of self worth based on absolutely NOTHING more than “mommy thinks I am special”, apparently we are also entitled to own a home of our own even if we cannot afford it.  Not just any home, THE HOME.  Why should anyone have to work for anything?  Shit, lets just give everyone six weeks of vacation a year, socialize health care and create 26 national fucking cheeses then we can have a big ceremony and declare ourselves New France!

Let’s see the list now of things we as Americans no longer bear any personal responsibility for and what is now considered normal by our PC overlords.:

1. Raising our kids: We have minimum wage daycare workers we wouldn’t let drive our cars for that now and ADHD meds to help us make them nice and sedate.  Who cares if this causes the kids who actually have issues to be marginalized, less cared for, and shoved into special ed?


2. Racism=Not Agreeing with a person who is a different color than you are. Mostly this is in reference to black folks.  I have gone on ad nauseum in the past about being the wrong minority myself.  Mexicans need to stop working, really get on the government tit, and allow HUD to move us all in federal housing in order to be special.  It is coming, I see it already here in Texas.  Pisses me off but I see it.  We have a man running for president right now who by virtue of the fact he is half black is immune to any questioning of his words and actions by virtue of his beige skin tone.  If you dare to do that, you are a racist.  Fuck you.


3. Religious Tolerance = You are golden unless you are a Christian or a Jew. You are double fucked if you are a Catholic or a “wacky member of the Christian Right”.  So we are all to tolerate the Muslims more than anyone because they are special. Let’s not worry about that pesky desire to see us all dead once they rid the world of the Jews.   We can allow the Atheists to remove God from country too while we are at it!  Go team!


4. You have the right to the spoils of success without actually doing that pesky work and save part! Woo woo.  Let me get you that mortgage queued up right the fuck now!  Do not worry, someone else will pay for it when you cannot.  Fuck those stupid douchebags who actually work and pay taxes to support your lame ass.

If I owned a big IT firm I would be asking for those visas too instead of hiring a bunch of 21 year olds who think they are some sort of Code God because they managed to design a program in college that didn’t involve any real world process or realities.

We are fucking importing the American Dream folks because we have become so fucking victimized as a populous that we cannot wipe our own ass without a government mandate. Waaa waaa waaa we cry because life sucks.  Special fucking people.  I still say keep the millions of illegals working and making life run smoother and deport about 10,000 mba’s and lawyers.  It would certainly be a good start.

I am going break something now.

According to Aggie Daughter… choppy and in TXTese

The pregame stuff was pretty cool… They had the paratroopers parachute the balls into the center of the field and apache helicopters flew over instead of jets.

...Every quarter they would show on the Jumbo-tron Aggies who are serving in Iraq and they would send messages and say “BTHO Army” and stuff.

...At half time, they had the entire corp line the field all the way around and unwrap a ginormous flag.  The singing cadets performed God Bless America and there was a slide show while this was going on.  All of the songs the band marched to were the Navy, Marine, Air force, Army, and Coast Guard marches.

She is having a good time and I am thrilled for her.  She is excited about voting in her first election and it seems McCain is quite popular at A&M, imagine that…  Aggie Daughter says, “I just saw a statistic for Republican/Democrat student breakdown.  88% Republican 10% Democrat 2% undecided.”

She is sending me a t-shit that says: “Beat the Hell Outta Obama” on the front and “Gig ‘em, McCain” on the back.  We shall see who I can piss off with that shirt around town.  Woo Woo…  Here is a pic of the front, I cannot find one of the back!

I feel certain this will be worn when I go vote.  I think it would be really apropos.  :)

Anyway… enough for now.

Thanks to Aggie Daughter for the pics and the shirt!

SAN ANTONIO – Millions of your tax dollars are spent on caring for teen mothers and their children. Now the state is taking steps to prevent those pregnancies. A parenting class is now mandatory for all high school students.

It’s now state law—every district is required to teach father involvement, legal realities of child support, and healthy relationship skills. Mom Yolanda Perez is happy to hear the state is stepping up to help educate her teenage daughter about the reality of parenting.

“Teaching your children early on—maybe that will help them stop and think—hopefully that will,” says Perez.

1.  Kids fuck because it feels good and they are fundamentally retarded from hormones.

2.  Kids fuck without condoms and birth control because they are wreckless, idiotic, children with no sense of consequences to their actions and are fundamentally retarded from hormones.  More now than ever before.

Getting pregnant in high school use to be a source of shame or at least embarrasment.  Now it is a goddamn badge of fucked up honor.  Like having a pair of Seven for Mankind Jeans or a Dooney & Burke purse.  Little accessories for the teenager who has everything.

3. Ms. Perez mentioned above thinks teaching kids early on will maybe make them stop and think.  Early on is not in high school, sweetie.  Sorry.

I am not against sex education.  I think kids should have information and many parents fall down on that job, but many parents are idiots and there is no amount of state funded and mandatory education that is going to fix the fact we are fundementally a fucked up society when it is totally acceptible to fuck like minks in jr. high.

No doubt Jamie Lynn Spears and Bristol Palin would have thought differently if they had this class in high school!  Fucking stupid logic.  First off, Lynn Spears is a twisted sick woman who has whored out her children since they were old enough to toddle into Disney/Nickelodeon studios and start making mama some money.  No amount of education could have saved either of her kids.

Second, trust me when I tell you, Bristol Palin has had plenty of parenting classes right at home.  You want me to believe she didn’t know what it meant to have children.  As the older daughter I assure you she has changed a lot of diapers and done her share of baby sitting especially with the number of kids in the Palin family and just from what you see of how they all interact with each other.  That didn’t stop young Bristol, like most teens, from having sex. At least Bristol stands a good chance of making a good mom because she has a family who loves her and she knows how to feed and clean a child at the very least.

From the Texas AG website…

• How does p.a.p.a. teach these things?




p.a.p.a. is not a lecture-driven curriculum. It is designed to be interactive, with teachers leading group discussions and activities that engage students while educating them. Students have an opportunity to hear young people tell their own stories about how their lives changed when they found out they were going to have children, how they face the challenges of teen parenthood, and what they would do differently if they could. A student workbook full of introspective exercises helps students apply the lessons to their own lives. Individual or group research projects give students an opportunity to learn more about specific topics.

I will tell you right the fuck now… If any of my girls get knocked up there will be no homecomings, no proms, no anything other than homework, and baby work.  Welcome to the world of parenting, sweetheart.  You should have thought about prom and going to the mall and parties with your girlfriends before you decided to be a dumbass and have unprotected sex!

Ugh…

The schools are failing miserably at teaching math and reading and I am suppose to trust them to teach my kids about parenting?  Are you fucking kidding me?  They are going to put some pair of dumb ass kids up in front of them like the old “Scared Straight” shit in the 80s and what?  This is going to help?  Teens are teaching my teens about being a responsible parent?   I wouldn’t trust these kids to drive my car and the state thinks they are qualified to teach my girls how to be moms?  This whole fucking government in my business shit, frosts my cookies.  My girls are so going to private school soon.  I am so not feeling Demure…

Just going to hit a few of the highlights here…

I assume John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his vice-presidential partner in a fit of pique because the Republican money men refused to let him have the stuffed male shirt he really wanted. She added nothing to the ticket that the Republicans didn’t already have sewn up, the white trash vote, the demographic that sullies America’s name inside and outside its borders yet has such a curious appeal for the right.

It’s possible that Republican men, sexual inadequates that they are, really believe that women will vote for a woman just because she’s a woman. They’re unfamiliar with our true natures.

Do they think vaginas call out to each other in the jungle night?

I mean, I know men have their secret meetings at which they pledge to do manly things, like being irresponsible with their semen and postponing household repairs with glue and used matches. Guys will be guys, obviously.

But do they not know that women have been trained to resent other women and that they only learn to suppress this by constantly berating themselves and reading columns like this one? I’m a feminist who understands that women can nurse terrible and delicate woman hatred.

Heather, just for the record… I have never berated myself for my dislike of whiny ass women (and men) and the only net effect of reading your column today has been an evolution of my terrible delicate hatred of women to a near vomit inducing hatred for both feminist bitches and Canadians.  Thanks for that, sweetie.  (Quickly, I need someone with a spine and a sack from Canada to remind me there are actual Men and Women in that country.  I think you guys are all in the west, so drop me a line.)

John Doyle, the cleverest critic in Canada, comes right out and calls Palin an Alaska hillbilly. Damn his eyes, I wish I’d had the wit to come up with it first.

It’s safer than “white trash” but I’ll pluck safety out of the nettle danger. Or something.

Palin has a toned-down version of the porn actress look favoured by this decade’s woman, the overtreated hair, puffy lips and permanently alarmed expression.

Hell I do not even like that shot of Sarah because I think she looks better in the millions of candid shots you see, but for the sake of fairness I will compare publicity headshot to publicity headshot.  I am a fair girl… oh yeah, and fucking Demure as well.

Heather in all her preciousness goes on for a good long while mocking the appearance of Sarah before she wipes the foam from the corners of her mouth and moves on.  To her mothering skills…

I know that I have an attachment to children that verges on the irrational, but why don’t the Palins? I’m not the one preaching homespun values but I’d destroy that ratboy before I’d let him get within scenting range of my daughter again, and so would you. Palin’s e-mails about the brother-in-law she tried to get fired as a state trooper are fizzing with rage and revenge. Turn your guns on Levi, ma’am.

Just a note about Miss Mallick as according to her “bio” : Marital status: Yes, very much so, with two stepdaughters. Has she ever actually given birth?  Seriously, there are plenty of women who choose not to breed for whatever reason and I can respect that, especially in her case, but to sit in judgment on someone else’s parenting skills when you have not raised a child is a tad too much for me.  We can all call foul on obvious misdeeds, but how a family deals with their adult age daughter’s pregnancy is a bit of a stretch for anyone to comment on, much less a woman who has mothered no one other than stepdaughters.  I could be wrong.  Maybe she raised his kids for him. In which case that is an even bigger shame on you for not getting the fact it isn’t as simple as slapping a chastity belt on your daughter.

I did promise to watch the entire convention so you wouldn’t have to, but I discovered a neat trick. I switched between the convention and the 2003 folk music mockumentary A Mighty Wind on Bravo.

They were indistinguishable. Click on a nervous wreck with deeply strange hair doing a monologue on society today and where it all went wrong. Are you watching Christian belter Aaron Tippin singing Where the Stars and Stripes and Eagle Fly in the Xcel Centre in St. Paul or the actors from Spinal Tap remixing the 1966 version of Potato’s in the Paddy Wagon?

The conventioneers are nothing like the rich men who run the party, and that’s the mystery of the hick vote. They’d be much better served by the Democrats. I know Thomas Frank answered this in What’s the Matter with Kansas?; I know that red states vote Republican on social issues to give themselves the only self-esteem available to their broken, economically abused existence.

But surely they know Barack Obama is not planning to finish off the ordinary hillbilly when he adjusts tax rates. He’s going to raise taxes on the top 2% of Americans and that doesn’t include anyone at the convention beyond the Bushes and McCains and random party management. So why cheer Palin when she claims otherwise?

Is it racism? I’m told that it is, although I find racism so appalling that I have difficulty identifying it. It is more likely the dearly held Republican notion that any American can become violently rich, as rich as those hedge funders in Greenwich, Conn., who buy $40-million mansions unseen and have their topiary shaped in the form of musical notes.

When Palin and Rudy Giuliani sneered at Obama’s years of “community organizing” — they said it like “rectal fissure” — the audience ewww-ed with them.

Republicans dream of a personal future that involves only household staff, not equals who need to be persuaded to vote.

Think, Heather, think like a Republican! The Skeptics, shall I call them, are my base, and I’ll pander to them as ardently as the Republican patriarchs tease their white female marginals.

That is pretty much it for the article.  Go see for yourself if you think I left anything pertinent out…

Apparently, hundreds of teenagers gather in public parks in Chile to take part in orgies, called ponceo, where they anonymously get and give oral sex. (They refer to themselves as “Pokemones.”) [Newsweek.com]   via: “TheFrisky”

Sociologists have labeled the Pokemones an “urban tribe,” a term they have also applied to hippies, punks, and goths. But unlike those that came before it, this is the first “urban tribe” here born in the Internet age. As such, communication technology is key—Pokemones have hundreds of contacts on instant-messaging programs, and they regularly upload videos and photos to sites like YouTube and Fotolog. But despite the expanded capacity for communication, theirs may be the first movement in which debate about its goals is noticeably absent.

Curiously, the teenagers do not seem to hold any particular convictions about their identity in a political or sexual sense. Instead, their movement is mostly about image.

So the Chilean teens have discovered sport fucking.  They have taken the Rainbow party to the city parks and added a bit of emo to boot.

Some really great insight into the intellectual depth of the neo-liberal youth of Chile…

“Ponceo is about having fun,” says Natalia Fernandez, a 15-year-old with pink hair and a pierced chin. “This time I had seven partners.”

“It’s basically a fashion thing,” says Raul Barra, a tall 19-year-old with piercings down the sides of his nose. “A Pokemon has a certain style and does ponceo.”

“I guess we don’t really think about politics or anything,” says Valentina Espinosa, a petite 16-year-old whose teased platinum hair adds about six inches to her tiny stature. “We’re not for anything, but we’re not against anything, either—well, except our parents getting mad at us for being Pokemones.”

“I’m just having fun. I’m only 16, and I won’t get hurt through ponceo because I don’t go hoping to find a boyfriend,” says Isidora Fernandez, who insisted on being called Frambuesa (Spanish for raspberry).

“This week I bought two T-shirts and a webcam,” says Pablo Gutierrez, 18. Sticking out his tongue to reveal a piercing, he adds, “And a new tongue ring. I was sick of my old one.”

I started linking up the chronicles back in early July.

Here, here,  and  here...

I would suggest you read them all.  Start here… and keep hitting “Newer Post” (after the comments)until you get to here…

Pleb I would suggest you save all these in PDF format and freakin’ send them to a literary agent.  They are hilarious.  Your writing style and turn of phrase reminds me of Lileks… a dirty filthy version of Lileks.

Thanks for the fun summer, hon!

A while back it was Thai, which she wasn’t a fan of, but gave it the good college try.  Last night, we decided to go as a family to have Indian food; something she hasn’t eaten before.  Mind you, the 9, 8, and 4 year old daughters are troopers and while they will not always eat something differnt they will usually try it and with rice to spare in any indian joint I felt certain their meal would end up being white basmati and garlic Nan.

Being newly paid and having a bank account that didn’t give me hives we ordered a few different things to share and give eveyone a good variety.  Since vegitables are the devil to my children there was no aloo gabi to be had, damn shame that, but we went the way of the carnivore.  Daughter No. 1 likes spicy food so there was more than average hope of her liking maybe something on the menu.  We ordered some Biryani, Dal Lamb, and two kinds of Vindaloo; lamb and prawns as well as three orders of Nan to hold everyone over until the food arrived; 2 garlic and 1 Keema Nan which has pressed lamb in the middle of it.

The Nan arrived with two bowls of dippy stuff; the green spicy one and some brown sweet one.  I do not know what those are, I am not as well versed in Indian as some other cuisines.  The little ones are inhaling the garlic Nan and Daughter No. 1 takes one of each.  She tastes the simply scrumptious garlic one and tears off a piece, chewing and pondering.

Daughter No. 1 then says, “This tastes like nothing…”

I said, “Well put some of the spicy green goop on it.”

She raised an eyebrow at me; this is a genetic gift I passed onto this offspring as well as the bodacious rack which we have told her is to be used only for the powers of good when she goes off to college, like help on hard homework from the geeky but lovable smart boy in the Honors dorm she was accepted into or help fixing a flat from another big strong co-ed; you know… the shit that matters.  Anyway, with said raised eyebrow she says, “You mean that stuff that tastes like Salsa  Verde at the mexican joint?”

I raised my own eyebrow at her and sighed in exasperation, “Yes, love… the salsa verde.”

“But we are eating Indian food, why is there Mexican salsa on the table?”  She askes incredulously.

“It is one of life’s little mysteries, Dear…”

She then moves to the Keema Nan, unimpressed with the garlic variety she bites into what sort of looks like pizza without the cheese.  She cocks the eyebrow again with a bit of head action.  “Not bad…”  she says.  “I am still not putting Salsa Verde on it though.”

I take my victories where I can and go about enjoying the meal.  Daughter No. 2, the 9 year old, has decided to gulp down her water goblet which she loves cuz it looks like a wine glass so that she can pour her Dr. Pepper into it and drink from a proper glass.  She is smuggly satisfied and still gnawing on the Garlic Nan.  About this time Daughter No. 1 has an epiphany of sorts.

“You know what this tastes like?”  She said seriously.

“Enlighten me, sweetheart.”  I say lovingly to my firstborn.

“You know when you swallow food you get a smell come back up in your nose?”

“What?”

“You know, whenever you eat something you always get a smell when you swallow.”  She is perplexed by my lack of knowing something so elementary.

“Not really, Daughter No. 1.”

“Well my point is, that taste coming back up when I swallow, you know?  It tastes like my arm smells.”  She says this with total conviction and without a clue she sounds like a stark raving lunatic.

After I swallowed my own bite of Nan, trying not to choke to death I said, “Excuse me?”

She says it again, I didn’t misunderstand her.

“You are saying that Keema Nan tastes like human flesh smells?”  I am not even sure I know what that means, but I was trying to speak her language.

“Exactly!”  She exclaims as though finally vindicated.

“There is something wrong with you, child.”  I say looking at my husband who is suddenly glad he did not mix our DNA since this is a possible outcome.  He just shrugs and continues to eat his Nan.  “I did not drink while I was pregnant with her, I swear it.”  He just shook his head.  “Really!  Her father was an idiot, this is not my DNA in action.”

Daughter No. 1 is of course oblivious to this exchange happy that I finally understand.

Meanwhile I have Daughter No. 2 now saying, “Ewww it tastes like skin?”  while making a face that spoke volumes about what she thought about that.

Daughter No. 4 was just eating Nan with a big smile probably planning her first phase of world domination.  Daughter No. 3 was just giggling at Daughter No. 1 because she things her big sister is the coolest thing ever.

The rest of the meal was delicious and Daughter No. 1 did manage to eat and not hate everything. Ironically she ate all the potatoes out of the different dishes so I could have gotten Aloo Gabi after all!  I asked for a order of Kheer, Indian style rice pudding which is really the best part of the meal for me and very good at putting out the fire my Vindaloo set off in my belly and esophagus.  My husband hates this stuff.  Daughter No. 3 liked it, Daughter No. 1 liked it, Daughter No. 4 wouldn’t taste it, and Daughter No. 2 tasted it and nearly activated her gag reflex on the texture.  Daughter No. 3 called her dumb as she shoveled it in her mouth.  The husband, who previously hated Kheer has decided it is delicious because after tasting it the fire in his belly subsided.

All in all, it was a good meal with plenty of leftovers.  We grabbed a handful of rock sugar candy on the way out the door and headed home to enjoy our heartburn.

It tastes like Human flesh smells?  I am still confused.

Episode One:  Where in The World is Plebian?

Fact #2: Wifey has a superpower. Unfortunately, it’s neither of the money-making nor sexy variety. Rather, her superpower is the uncanny ability to disrupt the electrical system in airplane personal video devices. This power has a one-seat radius, and we only discovered it after we took off and she shorted out the video units in her seat, the girl’s seat, and my son’s seat, and the seats of the people behind her.

Scary stuff, huh?

Our first morning in America was spent sleeping off the effects of a 24-hour travel day. Then, full of vim and vigor, we set to work enjoying our vacation.

We went to Wal-Mart.

Listen, I know that people like to bad-mouth Wal-Mart: it’s full of rednecks, it oppresses the workers, the company is mean, etcetera.

Those people are mealy-mouthed bastards and I hate them. Do you know how many times I’ve said “God, I wish I had a Wal-Mart” in Europe? About once a day.

From tampons to tools, you can find it all, at low-low prices, with an elderly friend greeting you with a smile as you come in the door. It’s like grandma opened up a store, since it has everything you’d ever need, lots of stuff you never want, and no porn whatsoever.

Antelope Island is the largest island located in Salt Lake, and is accessible by crossing a seven-mile causeway. We had given the children the camera with the instructions to “take pictures of whatever is interesting.” Five minutes later we had to warn them to stop taking pictures of each other or we’d seize the camera.

As we crossed the bridge, looking out over miles and miles of desolate area suitable for raising brine shrimp or faking moon landings, Wifey began to wrinkle up her nose as she detected a whiff of nasty in the air.

“Daddy,” said the boy. “What is that smell?”

“It smells like a fart!” said the girl. “Did you fart, daddy?”

“I wanna take a picture of daddy farting!” said the boy.

“It’s my turn to use the camera!” yelled the girl.

“No fair!” the boy countered.

“Shut up, nobody farted!” yelled Wifey. Then she leaned over to me and said quietly “You did fart, didn’t you? You can tell me.”

Isn’t it nice to have a family that loves you?

Setting the Scene:  They live in Europe now and left a bunch of crap in storage.  Wife has been tormenting him about making her leave her precious belonging behind for four years.  So they are going to get her stuff while they are on the trip:

Then my wife said words that were sweeter to me than an acknowledgement that I am the greatest lover in the universe. She said, and I quote:

“Jesus, what a bunch of crap.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you for the last four years!” I insisted.

Mental note: such commentary is not conducive to intimacy, based on the look she gave me at that moment.