Yes, my reading obsession is in overdrive.  I needed a break from my usual Vampire Porn as Unabrewer calls it.  I hit the Barnes & Noble site and started looking at new releases in everything from Sci/Fi Fantasy to Paranormal Romance and stumbled across a mention of a book called WebMage by Kelly McCullough.

Description: WebMage: A fantasy-cyberpunk hybrid that revolves around Ravirn, a grandson of the Greek Fate Lachesis. In order to keep up with an ever increasing number of life threads, the Fates have upgraded to a computerized system that blends magic with programming. Of course where there are computers, there are also hackers. In the process of “testing” his Great-Aunt Atropos’s security, Ravirn, a hacker/sorcerer, and his laptop familiar, Melchior, uncover a plot that could shake the foundations of Olympus and change humanity’s relationship with Fate forever.

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. Remember the Fates, those ancient Greek spinners, weavers and snippers of life’s threads? They’re back in McCullough’s original and outstanding debut, and still ruling destiny—but with their own digital web, based on a server called the Fate Core. Power-hungry as ever, they’ve coded a spell to eliminate human free will. Unluckily for them, one of their demigod descendants is a cheerfully rebellious hacker-sorcerer named Ravirn who, when not studying for college midterms, likes to mess around on their web with the help of his familiar, Melchior, who can change from a goblin to a laptop. Ravirn and Melchior, let loose in McCullough’s delightfully skewed and fully formed world—much like our own, but with magic, paranormally advanced technology and Greek gods—set out to thwart Ravirn’s “great-to-the-nth-degree aunt[s],” careening from one discovery to another, enlisting unlikely allies and narrowly evading destruction at the hands of both Fates and Furies. McCullough handles his plot with unfailing invention, orchestrating a mixture of humor, philosophy and programming insights that give new meaning to terms as commonplace as “spell checker” and esoteric as “programming in hex.” Though a preponderance of techie-talk may put off some readers, this is the kind of title that could inspire an army of rabid fans; it’s a good thing a sequel is planned for 2007. (Aug.)

It took me a few chapters to get really invested in the book but then I was having fun.  He has sort of combined hard sci/fi with cyberpunk with greek mythos and a healthy dose of sarcasm and humor.  His little webgoblin Mel (who changes into a laptop on command) was a good foil to the main characters total scatterbrained behavior.  Maybe that is why I like Ravirn so much.  He has loose shit everywhere and that is oddly familiar to me.  Have no idea why…

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I am still giggling

Syesha just mutilated Proud Mary. Randy loved it. Paula is blathering. Simon gives a dose of reality. Bad and shrieky version of Tina Turner.

I am going to register NeuterRyanSeacrest.com

Oooo Speed Racer trailer. I think Dave is going to take the kids to see this when I am at Kat’s baby shower in a few weeks. Have I mentioned he is The Shit lately?

Jason sings Marley. Even the hair isn’t selling this. Ugh… I might shoot myself if he doesn’t stop soon. Fuck the sheriff. I am overly cranky tonight, beware. I want to shave his head and give him a nice normal haircut. Randy didn’t like it. Very karaoki. Paula is going to blather and gush and tell him he looks great. Barring that she will just drool and be confused. Simon said it was utter atrocious.

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“We need to open a dialog…”

You know what?  The next person I hear say this I am going to open a hole in their ass the size of my foot.  Open a fucking dialog with the terrorists Iran.  Open a dialog with my ass, dammit.  Fuck dialog.  Dialog doesn’t get shit done.  I know this! I work for the fucking government!

“Global Climate Change”

Yes, assholes.  I like to call these things that happen periodically seasons.  Ok, I know that is not what they mean, but still.  I firmly believe if Al Gore and the rest of his disciples would just shut the fuck up there would be a dramatic Global Cooling.  Speaking that cocksucking piece of human waste.  Took him about five minutes to say what we knew was coming.  Rosetta sums ups my thoughts pretty accurately…

“Presidential Exploratory Committee”

Also known as Giant Scam whereby the federal government pisses away more of my tax dollars. I would like to have an exploratory committee tasked to find out if exploratory committees actually accomplish anything.  I am smart that way.  You do not just have these inspirational thoughts.  You have to work for the government to get them.  We are a special kind of special.

I will add more as they occur to me…

I have seen a few folks playing with this meme o’ the week. I was over at doubleplusundead for his Around the sphere in 80 IQ points roundup which is one of my guilty pleasures and read through his inspired list. Inspired and well I like to see my name throw around on other blogs on the rare occasion it isn’t in relation to off color comment I made about sex or some filthy link I sent Ace. Here is my effort….

Question: Suppose you were elected Temporary Supreme Dictator of America. What are 10 laws you would pass/repeal or government programs you would create/tear down? (Assume that you are in office for however long it would take to do these ten things and that any changes you make will remain in place after you leave office.)

1.  If you do not pay taxes you do not get to vote.  I do not care if you get a refund, the point it you worked, you paid in, you are not a blight on society.  Why is this important to me?  Because it is my goddamn money and the no working assholes in this country shouldn’t get a say in how it is spent.  It it like me coming to your house on payday and saying, “Hey, gimme 500 bucks, I need to go shopping and didn’t bother making any money of my own.”  Could have been worse… a man I work with says only white male landowners should get to vote.  He was joking… mostly.

2.  All celebrities who anoint themselves and begin to preach as though they are political experts, environmental experts, or speakers for humanity have to pay an extra 40% income tax on top of their standard tax as punishment.  This money will go into a fund to do the following: increase the carbon footprint of as many people as possible; paint the name of said celebrity on a missile which will be summarily lobbed at a terrorist target of my choice; the systematic destruction of the being known as Oprah Winfrey.

3.  I will seize control of the NY Times in the name of my fabulousness and after I shave Maureen Dowd’s head with a butter knife, I will install Ace as HMIC (Head Moron in Charge) and let him run with it.  I give it two days before the image of some sci/fi gal ends up on the front page withthe headline “I’d Hit It!”

4.  I would toss the UN out without notice.  Think, large quantities of bad ass Alpha males with guns, and tattoos saying, “You have ten minutes to get your asses out front and onto the school buses that will take your degenerate asses to the airport…  Oh yeah, leave your shit.  We will auction it to pay your debt to the state for parking tickets and other shit you fucked up while you were free loading off our tax dollars.”  I will then fly them all coach on American Airlines to some place like Darfur or Congo and tell them to figure out  how to get home and not to bother coming back to the USA.  They aren’t welcomed.

5.  All active duty military will stop paying federal withholding tax on their payroll checks and be reimbursed for the last five years taxes.

6.  Irresponsible Asshole Legislation:  Part A:  Anyone who abuses drugs while pregnant, subsequently giving birth to a drug addicted child is to be sterilized immediately after giving birth and the child is to be placed in a good home; not with grandma who will just let the junkie bitch see the kid.  Should have thought about how much you love your baby while you were buying your meth or heroine or crack or whatever.  Part B:  Habitual DUI assholes will be shot at the earliest possible opportunity and any wealth they have must be split between the victims families.

7.  Everyone Clinton Pardoned will be returned to jail or have their previous status reinstated.   Hillary will be forced to run  a gauntlet and avoid sniper fire for every lie she has told in public life.  Obama will be forced to live in rural Pennsylvania with all those typical white people and his bulldog looking wife goes with him.   Nancy Pelosi will be forced to run the gauntlet with Hillary just for shits and giggles.  Harry Reid, the most annoying idiot geriatric on the planet, will have to share a small efficiency apartment with Al Sharpton, the most annoying idiot race baiter on the planet and they will be banned from making any television appearances or giving interviews of any kind.  The withdrawal pain from no longer hearing their own voice on the news every five minutes will send them into some sort of coma for the rest of their lives.

8.   You want to come to America and make a life here?  Willing to work hard and speak English to do it?  Willing to pledge an oath to our Flag?   Willing to abide by our laws and love this great country?  Yes?  Welcome to America, now let us document who you are, give you a SS# so you can pay taxes, and then you are free to start living the American Dream.   If you answered no to any of the above questions… fuck off.

9.  War for Oil?  Hell yes.  Cannot think of a better reason to go to war being as our entire freakin’ economy depends on it.

10.   I have an idea for a new wall, or rather walls.  I say, we wall in all the liberal strongholds in the country and leave them to their own devices.  They can buy things from the rest of us folks outside the walls, but they are not allowed outside the walls for fear they might breed with the normal folks.    I think this is better than walling out the Mexicans, personally.   If you let the liberals get a hold of the illegal population they will just put them in housing projects and pay them not to work, much like they have already done with minorities in big cities.  They work now, they want to work… lets keep it that way.

This is pretty spiffy… Homer Simpson done in CSS…

I am not sure whether to applaud the math skills and creativity of this effort or fear the level of OCD necessary to achieve it.  Kind of makes the old ASCII art of the 90s less impressive, no? :)

Ok, I was in the bath at 630 and well… I love my jacuzzi bathtub and I have been soaking and reading and forgot about Idol… doubt i missed much.

I fucking hate Neil Diamond… sorry. I ugh…

Dunno who I missed but Archuletta is on… meh. I think I will just do the whole stream of consciousness more than usual tonight. What is with this palm up thing he does? It makes me twitch. He has a nice voice… meh.

Ugh, Sayanara… I do not think I can make it through this show… honestly. Maybe I will read my latest vampire book. OOooo Vampire Smut rocks. Oh God Hello Again Hello… KILL ME NOW! This girl is no Beyonce… though I am not a Beyonce fan… still this is like Cruise ship Beyonce. Shrieky screaming shit. Ugh.

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH BARE FEET??? Did Idol lose their shoe budget?

Paula is having an out of body experience. She just thought Jason sang twice. She is soooo fucking altered.

Jason is singing September Morn… ugh. I think my ears will bleed soon.

David Cook… smokin’ hot… I need a moment alone.  I cannot do anymore… there is nothing that is gong to compare… Adios!

Al Sharption… Shut the fuck up already: I am not familiar with this case at all and from what I can get from the articles I have read the media isn’t too interested in the deaths so much as the fact it was racial and Al is threatening to close down NYC.  It is tragic and I have no idea what happened, but I am still saying to Al,  Shut the fuck up already because I do not believe he solves anyone’s problems.  I think he is feeling a bit of penis envy at the moment.  Someone is  no longer feeling like the most significant black man on the planet.  Not that he ever was other than in his own mind, but I am thinking that might have something to do with it.  Ignore me, I am just a typical white person.  Who is the most significant black man on the planet?  Obama?  Hardly, but he is the most significant black man in his own mind and those of his cult.  I think the honor goes to Tiger Woods personally.

Madanno is looking pretty much like Wendy O Williams here…

Keep Talkin’ Barry O… Idiot.  Via: Hot Air