In a phrase… I do not give a fuck. I might comment later, but Hellboy is on FX and calling my name.

Ok… quick and dirty:

Round 1

Archuletta: boring

Syesha: Ugh

David Cook: Yum bordering on Do Me Now

Watching Paula Dean now.  She is cooking snapper fillets.  She is seasoning the shit out of it and pecan coating it.  What does she say as she is basically bathing the fish in salt and pepper?  “It is very important to season your food before cooking.  Especially fish because it can turn out so very bland.”

Take that you poser fake breasted trollop, Sandra Lee!  Stick to your box cakes and fuu fuu table settings.  Which reminds me, today on her “tablescape” she had a fucking chandelier laying on it’s side like it just fell off the ceiling.  What a twat.

Ok, I simply cannot tolerate Sandra Lee of the Semi-Homemade fad.  Her show on FoodTv is SHIT.  Shit I tell you.

I am a good cook and I am a foodie.  I am a huge fan of using as many canned, prepared, etc foods and making them something amazing.  I have a houseful of kids and while I love to cook, I am not going to make an all day soup when I can do one damn near as good in about 45 minutes.  That said…

What this bitch does is not making something better.  It is taking something bland and making it uhm… making it the same but putting a fucking garnish on it and calling it gourmet.  Ugh.  I could kind of hang with her in the beginning today.  She made olive puffs.  Take puff pastry (which I love) and roll it out a bit, smear some good stuff on it, cheese it, roll it, cut it, egg wash it, and bake it.  Voila!  It was edible except for the fact she basically smeared an entire can of tomato paste as a base.  Uhm, not so much.

I actually laughed aloud at her Asparagus risotto which came out of a box, not that there is anything wrong with that, but making it “homemade” is not the result of basically chopping an asparagus stem and floating them before you cover it.   What she did next will haunt me for a while…

After watching this week’s episode last night, I am convinced the following criteria are needed to be selected to be on the show:

1. You have to be a smoker. Every single one of these people smoke like chimneys. Is being a chef that stressful?

2. You have to be white trash (or black, brown, etc). Nary a one of these folks can halfway speak the King’s English.

3. You can not actually cook. For the third straight week, these tards have turned everything they touch into excrement. We’re talking basic stuff too. Chicken, salmon, steaks. Basic appetizers. Basic desserts. These people flat-out suck. Give me 24 hours of practice on the recipes they have and I’d win that show hands down.

Do they simply pick morons so as to provide fodder for Ramsey? I don’t know. The show is starting to suck tho. Get us some real chefs.

Second season was not nearly as good but still fun… how about some Trees?

Loves me some Marty…

Ok, Fox is singing to Jesus again. The liberals are at home getting all antsy trying to figure out if they can gracefully boycott any of the sponsors. It was better last night, but still a great song. Is it wrong i was having lustful thought when David Cook was singing?

Ok, I’m a Believer lip sync by random celebs? Ok, I could have done without that Cameron Manheim hag grabbing her tits on tv. seriously. Ok, that was stupid, but good to see Vinnie Jones. I love Vinnie.

Brooke safe and puts her foot in her mouth. David Cook with his fabulous hair are safe, thank God. David Muffaletta is safe, duh.

Jordon Sparks and Chris Brown sing No Air. I actually like this song. It grows on you. Plus, Jordan has amazing teeth. Did Ryan just say, “Good to see you, BOBBY?”

Jason Castro is safe. Miss Texas Rodeo Queen, who looks fabulous, and she is safe. Bottom three are Carly, Sayanara, Michael Johns.

Michael John’s went home… damn.  Sayanara is like The Pickler Skank….

“Memo and his Chones.”

“Chachi isn’t gonna want anymore of this…”

Fox got their Jesus on last night.  Well done.

No one sings this song better than Darlene Zschech.

This is why…

Karl Urban… yum.

You all know I hate Oprah. I find her to be beyond a narcissist. I have also come to realize over the years she epitomizes the saying, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness.” Whether it is her weight going up and down, which say what you want, we all know that yo-yo dieting is something you do when you are unhappy with yourself so you lose weight. Then you start stressing and life starts being harder and you eat your weight back on + 10 pounds. Repeating often for typical results.

She has a fucking magazine or is it two now where she puts her own face on the cover of every single issue. She preaches about knowing yourself and doing good things but seems only interested in making sure everyone is aware of how wealthy she is and how she spends her money. She devotes hour long shows to over the top retail therapy a couple of times a year.

She has a media empire. She is one of the richest people in the world with a cult like following of women who tune in everyday to feel better about themselves and cry. Ugh. She was in a very long relationship and couldn’t bring herself to marry. She seems to have only one person she trusts, this Gayle person. She has gone from one self help philosophy to another, over and over. She is lost, this is not hard to see.